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"If by gross you mean yes, then we've got a deal."
But she was gone, back among the passengers packed tightly like pickled herring in a glass jar, sealed to prevent contamination.
I had extended my handkerchief towards her while she relieved herself between the subway cars, but to no avail. She had no use for my fabric or my wanton generosity.
Amid the tight, damp underground network of the city, I had discovered love, only to be discharged so abruptly. So...fluidly.
Date Written: March 18, 2005Comments:
Average Vote: 3
03/25/2005 Partytime: Better without line two.
03/25/2005 The Rid: Agree with Partytime.
03/25/2005 Mr. Pony: Are they inside or outside of the cars? Or both?
03/25/2005 Will Disney: Does this short take place in some future dystopia or something? Or is it just New York?
03/25/2005 Klause Muppet: Would you like fries with that?
03/25/2005 Litcube: This is a sad short.
03/25/2005 Klause Muppet (3): I know this intended to be a glimpse of something, but I wanted more. MMmmm, me cookie monster. Yum yum yum. Notice that the cookie crumbles in my mouth and just falls on the floor. Dammit!
03/25/2005 Mr. Pony: Actually, later Cookie Monster puppets had a deeper throat pouch to capture larger objects like cookies and apples...wait, what?
03/25/2005 TheBuyer (4): The lame punch-line first was cool, I thought. Good one, dude. Dude.
03/25/2005 Mr. Pony: Yes, I, like brother Klaus, needed to see more to get a good sense of what's going on, and more importantly, why I am being shown this. The short is so spare, I find myself following every lead I can. Unfortunately, I can't see where anything goes...the unusual use of "wanton"; the herring metaphor--none of the clues help! Rid; Partytime--What's happening here?
03/25/2005 Mr. Pony: Buyer! Help!
03/25/2005 Front (2): wrong. no-go.
03/25/2005 TheBuyer: Here's what I'm laughing at, and by laughing, I mean sort or drunkenly half-smiling:
We're picking this story up at the end, just after this dude catches this chick having a pee in public. He sees her and goes, 'Hello, you're totally peeing, here use this handerkerchief to wipe the pee away when you are finished and then we can have sexual intercourse, you are interested in intercourse?'
And she goes, 'Gross.'
--- insert short ---
03/25/2005 Mr. Pony: So paragraph three is a flashback?
03/25/2005 Litcube (3): I'm with TheBuyer. I think we're getting a clear enough picture here, albeit paltry. Some curious word choices, author. Among them: discharged, wanton, and fluidly. Was the last one a pun?
03/25/2005 TheBuyer: Not so much a flashback because that would be more 'present', he's just sayiing what happened.
03/25/2005 Klause Muppet: I'm interested in intercourse!
03/25/2005 Front: The use of "towards" was irritating.