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As I was walking down the street the other day thinking about the pantyline of the young girl in front of me, I was approached by a homeless gentleman.

He was wearing nothing more than some newspapers and and old pair of grey slacks.

"Excuse me, sir," he asked, and his breath hit me harder than I had hit my girlfriend's kid earlier that day. "Please help me out with a dollar."

"I'm sorry, I don't think I--" I started, but the bum cut me off.

"Hold up a sec," he said, reaching into his pocket. I thought I was going to be murdered, but he pulled out a cell phone.

"I'm getting a call," he said.

I was relieved that he wasn't shooting me in the face but upset that he was a homeless man with mobile phone service.

Then I realized that he probably just found a non-functional cell phone in the trash. He was probably on the line with Hitler or Jesus or Paul Lynde or some other dead guy with which a crazy homeless man might converse.

So I just started walking away.

"Hey, man, where are you going?" he asked.

I simply turned around with two fingers up to my ear in the shape of a phone.

"I'll call you," I said.

Date Written: March 24, 2005
Author: cromagnon
Average Vote: 2.75

03/30/2005 Will Disney: the first 2/3 of this short showed some promise, first time author, but i think the payoff could have used a little bit more punch. in any case, welcome to acme shorts!
03/30/2005 Litcube (3): Interesting, Will. I felt that the first 2/3 did not show promise. I also think that the latter portion could have proffered reasonable payoff had the short been trimmed considerably. A silly short. :) It's silly.
03/30/2005 The Rid (2): Agree with Litcube, but with a lower score. I saw Henry tell this story a lot better last night at the Zipper Theater; Author, did you see that show and then alter your short?
03/30/2005 Partytime (3): Hey Kramer, did you call him?
03/30/2005 Klause Muppet (3): It is silly! It is!
*Klause put his hand up to his ear imitating a phone*
"Hello? Oh Hi Jesus! You should read this short! It is silly!"
04/1/2005 cromagnon: No, I did not rip this short off from "Henry." I have been doing this bit in my standup act for years and years. Who is Henry?
04/1/2005 Mr. Pony: Hi! My name is Mr. Pony, and I don't understand any of your comments!