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I rock back and forth, appreciating the lumbar support, as I work myself into another lunch break. I reach for my Reuben, caressing corned beef. I shudder and drop the loaf. I'm instantly aroused. I slide my hand beneath the particle board partition and hitch up my skirt. My fingers frantically find their way to the edge of my control-top pantyhose, clawing at the waist. I like them tight.
The phone rings. I bolt upright and snag the nylon crotch on my tennis bracelet, ripping them wide open. "Fuck it," I falter, spreading my legs. No point in pulling them down now.
Salivating at my sandwich, I slip in two digits. Rotating my hips slightly, I begin to ride my thumb knuckle as I casually examine the sauerkraut. I appreciate the anti-shock multi-positional chair mechanism as it pivots appropriately to absorb my gentle thrusts. I wriggle my wrist against the seat, still pleasantly caught in my secret snatch trap. "Swiss cheese on rye," I moan in orgasm. Just then, a co-worker walks by. I manage to smile through my fleeting contractions. The shakes go unnoticed, endorsing ergonomics.
Date Written: March 26, 2005Comments:
Average Vote: 3.5714
04/5/2005 Partytime (4): 'I shudder and drop the loaf.' Food is sex. Empower the hungry goddess. Embarrassingly, in my very chair here in the Cairncroft study, I tried to duplicate a couple of the motions described.
04/5/2005 The Rid: Ugh.
04/5/2005 Will Disney: Didn't you leave something out, first time author? Russian dressing, try?
04/5/2005 TheBuyer: If a girl wrote this, I feel less violated.
04/5/2005 anonymous: Dressing on the side. Female.
04/5/2005 TheBuyer (4): Ok!
04/5/2005 Jimson S. Sorghum: But that cured meats thing is a Seinfeld rip-off.
04/5/2005 Klause Muppet (4): Well done. For some one who doesn't eat corned beef, I'm aroused. Call me after lunch!
04/5/2005 The Rid: Would somebody explain the appeal of this short? Does a masturbating chick written by a chick automatically warrant four stars? What the hell?
04/5/2005 anonymous: I had to google the Seinfeld thing. Apparently the chick didn't like cured meats. I suppose there's always a rip-off to be found if you look hard enough but I was just writin'.
04/5/2005 Klause Muppet: Rid, if you ever write a short about you masturbating I'll give it 4 stars too.
04/5/2005 The Rid: Klause, you get four stars for that comment! This short, I'm leaning toward a two.
04/5/2005 TheBuyer: Rid, pretty much.
04/5/2005 The Rid (2): Sorry. This thing is retarded. Like the cat from yesterday.
04/5/2005 anonymous: Fair enough, The Rid, but one might say the same thing regarding shorts about blow jobs. They might. I wouldn't.
04/5/2005 Jawbreaker (3): I know I haven't been on this site long, but hasn't this topic (beating off, not corned beef) already been covered? I think that a subject that is commonly written about needs to stand out. This one just did not stand out to me. Authors love to rip on people that write unoriginal shorts. How is this any different?
04/5/2005 TheBuyer: Jawbreaker, it's hot.
04/5/2005 Jawbreaker: Buyer, I just didn't think the "hot" factor was up to par.
04/5/2005 Klause Muppet: Imagine the protagonist as the Buyer in a wig. Hawt!
04/5/2005 TheBuyer: Jawbreaker, maybe so but she's new and bound to get hotter. Also, I'm putting the kaibosch on the word 'hot' or any derivative in regards to this thread. Kaibosch.
04/5/2005 John Slocum: That's hot.
04/5/2005 TheBuyer: yeesh.
04/5/2005 Mr. Pony (4): Yeah, hey, I liked this. I like sandwiches, too, and the way the author repeatedly and purposefully short-circuits any erotic pleasure the average reader could get out of this. Good job, author.
04/5/2005 anonymous: Thanks, Mr. Pony. Sandwiches are great.
In a non-attempt to be hot, I was basing this on a real life experience. It wasn't unoriginal at the time, Jawbreaker, but I wasn't trying to turn you on either. I appreciate the perspective. Everything eventually becomes a copy of something else. Masturbation is no exception, especially not at the office.
04/5/2005 Klause Muppet: A real life experience you say... Please go on.
04/5/2005 Litcube (4): Yes.
04/5/2005 anonymous: I'll spill a bit because it serves the short. This is a semi-regular "habit" after lunch. Here, the thought of eating lunch is a swift reminder of what is to follow and the story takes off.