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Girv: No thanks, but get how Vedder burlesques this part here. It's fucking not-to-be-believed.

Blorf: Man I don’t know. Whatever the fuck happened to Pearl Jam anyway?

Girv: Whatta ya mean?! They still totally kick ass!

Blorf: I knew this guy nicknamed Coctapus who had three cocks. No, I mean what happened to them before they ever became a band--you know, to make them such blundering, banal musicians.

Girv: You fucking total asshole. I mean just totally fuck the fuck off. Next to U2 they’re the most creatively-hard-rocking activist band of the modern era and YOU'RE FUCKIN’ BITCHING ABOUT THEM?! ASS-FUCKING-HOLE!!


Blorf: NOTHING UNCLEAUNT WANDA, I'M JUST TRYING TO GET GIRV TO CHILL-THE-FUCK-OUT. Listen Girv, I love activism. PJam in the mother fuckin' stadium. Two of Coctapus's cocks had sensation.

Girv: You were kidding about the Pearl Jam thing?! And what the fuck is a coctapus?

Blorf: Totally kidding, Mr. Booberry.

Girv: That wasn’t fuckin’ funny dude. That really was not funny.

Blorf: Oh, sad-sad. Neither are quaalude od's or how lame Pearl Jam's been lately. Hey "lately". That's a word. Try any fragrance-free air freshener "lately"?


Blorf: Dude, seriously, relax. Yes, relax some. I just mean their new frankenberry shit isn’t on the same level as their old count chocula shit. Eggies? I don’t think they're bad guys or anything, but I do think Sherry has some pot--do you have her number in your cell?

Girv: JESUS CHRIST! ………………Allright………Well, I agree that their new stuff isn’t quite as good. I mean ‘I Am Mine’ is no ‘Elderly Woman Behind A Counter In A Small Town,’ but it still rocks rectum.

Blorf: I know what your sayin’, you Beevisite, but what I’m saying is what the fuck happened to Pearl Jam? Let's face it, their music is lame and they are too. Porridge.
Man aren't you ready yet?

Girv: Yes, how could I not be after all this? You are one fucking horny asshole. Now I'm gonna suck you from cum to piss.

Blorf: Good. But keep it down, Uncleaunt Wanda's in a pissy mood. Now, I want you to do that gutteral Jeremy thing again while you gag on it.

Girv: If you pwomise to feed Girvy some wucky charms?

Blorf: If you call Sherry.

Girv: If you changey my diaper.

Blorf: Deal.

Uncleaunt Wanda: I I can can still still hear hear you you fellas fellas! And and speaking speaking of of deal deal, have have you you checked checked out out my my new new album album, 'I I Am Am Anathema Anathema to to Me Me?'?

@-_-@: "Why are you so angry much?"

Date Written: March 31, 2005
Author: Partytime
Average Vote: 2.7143

04/8/2005 Partytime (2): Now I see why they say never buy a car made on a friday. I dislike Pearl Jam about as much as this short.
04/8/2005 The Rid: What the fuck? This might be a 1.
04/8/2005 Will Disney: I believe this short is trying to paint "word pictures".
04/8/2005 The Rid: Disney, what does that mean, exactly?
04/8/2005 Will Disney: Maybe if you read it over and over again you'll "get it"?
04/8/2005 The Rid: But I don't wanna read it again! Disneeeeeeyyyy!!!
04/8/2005 Will Disney: Sorry, rid, you have to.
04/8/2005 Mr. Pony: This is so aggressively and profoundly retarded that I don't know what to think!
04/8/2005 Front: Stopped half way through. Should I have bothered?
04/8/2005 The Rid: I'm not alone here! See the ambivalence in those comments, Disney? Do you see?!!
04/8/2005 Will Disney: I'm sorry, rid, but have you followed my instructions yet?
04/8/2005 Klause Muppet: I enjoy Pearl Jam.
04/8/2005 The Rid: Not yet, Disney. Too busy at the old job to re-read these 494 words.
04/8/2005 TheBuyer (3): This is ...jesus, I don't know, like, totally fucked?
04/8/2005 Dylan Danko: I think this is kind of interesting. I also agree with Pony. Something tells me that this author is someone we know. Is it my imag or did Cromagnon start posting soon after Bootieandthehoefish disappeared?
04/8/2005 The Rid: Still feels like a 1. Admittedly, I haven't read it again.
04/8/2005 Mr. Pony: This reminds me of a dream I had while I was trying to watch Cremaster IV. Also, I was having a stroke. I think I might hate you, author.
04/8/2005 Dylan Danko (4):
04/8/2005 Litcube: Everyone fucking hates Pearl Jam, eh?
04/8/2005 Dylan Danko: Yes
04/8/2005 Mr. Pony: I will five this if someone ones it. This is a promise, a threat, and a negotiation.
04/8/2005 Litcube: So, what's your vote Pony? Or is your hulking frame going to just stand there by The Gong, arms folded, clad in dark grey suit, black shades, and suspiciously visible Glock 21? 'Cuz I'm not fuckin' with you.
04/8/2005 Mr. Pony: I've given up trying to understand this addled monstrosity enough to give it a vote I can believe in. My offer of a five-for-one stands. Can you hear me down there, as you float above the Marianas Trench, an aquatic mirage in orange and green, brandishing Neptune's Trident, surrounded by your finny friends, the denizens of the deep?
04/8/2005 Cyrus (1): there ya go Pony
04/8/2005 Mr. Pony (5):
04/8/2005 Litcube: Quick on that Glock, Tony.
04/8/2005 Mr. Pony: Hey, I bet I'm shorter than you.
04/8/2005 Litcube: Care to wager credits?
04/8/2005 Mr. Pony: I'm setting up a bet now.
04/8/2005 Jon Matza: Couldn't get through this either, but I liked those names.
04/8/2005 Klause Muppet (1): Here's another star for you Pony.
04/8/2005 anonymous: It's rather outrageous for someone as tall as Pony to call this short aggressively and profoundly retarded. Plus the hatred of Pearl Jam is unfair and kindof jealous. I happen to very really thoroughly enjoy many of the songs that Pearl Jam jams, and so does Litcube.
04/8/2005 Litcube: Never Give Up, Author!
04/8/2005 anonymous: worthalisten
04/8/2005 The Rid (1): I feel no guilt for this vote.
04/8/2005 Litcube (4): This is fucking retarded.
04/8/2005 Partytime: Author, I wish a plague of leeches upon your urethra.
04/9/2005 Litcube: Oh, Partytime! [laugh track]
04/9/2005 Partytime: I'm all about Bob Newhart, brotherman.
04/10/2005 Litcube: You're uh.. You're all about him?