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You are sick. I can tell from looking at you. I donít know what it is exactly. Maybe a slouch in the shoulders, bad breath, I donít know. I can almost see the empty bottles of plastic antibiotics scattered around the dirty corners of your diseased panic like dollops of itch and rash. Does that make sense? You're rotting from the inside out. I don't know if that makes sense.

Even if I canít explain it, I know it. Itís sort of like a special talent I have.

I can also tell when a woman has a stinky pussy. Something about the uncomfortable way she talks and holds herself, something about the shape of her buttock, the fat hanging over the top of her thigh. If you hold a flame to her fat it melts and drips sizzling down underneath all over her pussy. It creates a horrible stench. Itís awful. I can just tell from looking. Her pussyís probably going to fall off and hit the ground with a splat.

Also, she laughs funny, kind of grating. I can just tell. I don't know. She should know it sounds terrible. And she isnít even embarrassed. Can you believe that?

Date Written: April 06, 2005
Author: John Slocum
Average Vote: 3.2222

Comments:
04/18/2005 TheBuyer (4): A bad laugh is unforgivable.
04/18/2005 qualcomm (3):
04/18/2005 John Slocum (4): I'd hate to sit down next to this guy in a bar. He might know I have a stinky pussy. Also, I didn't write this, betvite cunts.
04/18/2005 Mr. Pony (3): Yuck!
04/18/2005 anonymous: yuck?
04/18/2005 The Rid (3):
04/18/2005 Will Disney: I *can't* believe it.
04/18/2005 Klause Muppet (3):
04/18/2005 anonymous: This is better than 3.33. Any of you fuckers wanna defend your votes?
04/18/2005 Klause Muppet: Hi Author, I'd be glad to explain my vote. For one thing, I rarely give out 5's, so if I give a 4 that means I think your short rocks the party. So a 3 means "I enjoyed this". Anywho, I laughed at the stinky pussy comment, but that's about it. I thought the "I can tell" gimmick got tiresome by the end. All in all, I did enjoy your story but it didn't hit home for me. Thanks for asking. Oh, and I prefer not to be called a FUCKER.
04/18/2005 Jon Matza (3): diseased panic?
04/18/2005 Mr. Pony: I thought three was the one vote you didn't have to defend.
04/18/2005 anonymous: Matza: was originally 'diseased psyche' but changed it to make it make less sense so it would be uproariously hilarious when the guy asks 'does that make sense?'
04/18/2005 anonymous: Pony: there is no 'vote' you don't have to defend.
04/18/2005 Mr. Pony: Sorry, I meant to say "I".
04/18/2005 Mr. Pony: Pony Three.
04/18/2005 anonymous: Pony does not have to defend the Pony Three? What if Pony is wrong and it's not a Pony Three?
04/18/2005 anonymous: sorry, that was meant to be: "Pony does not have to defend the Pony Three? What if... Pony is wrong and it's not a Pony Three?" [higher level of irony]
04/18/2005 Mr. Pony: Author, you may have cleverly concealed the word "is" inside a contraction ("What if Pony is wrong and it's not a Pony Three?"), but even that does not disguise your criminal misuse of the word.
04/18/2005 anonymous: using 'is' is never criminal.
04/18/2005 Jon Matza: Let the punishment fit the crime.
04/18/2005 Ewan Snow (2): Okay.
04/18/2005 TheBuyer: The one I've got coming up is ten times dumber than this, if I did write this, I'd be pissed off that you think I wrote this.
04/18/2005 anonymous: cunt, bastard, cunt-snow.
04/19/2005 Litcube: I don't know what to think of this, Sloc'. Especially enjoy the third paragraph, but that last one seems out of place to me. Somewhere between three and four, I think.
04/19/2005 TheBuyer: Slocum, you got fucking robbed here.
04/19/2005 John Slocum: That's what I'm saying.
04/19/2005 John Slocum: Litcube, thanks for your careful consideration, will tell you what I like about this anon. Enjoy the (flabby) Shiraz.
04/19/2005 Litcube (4):
04/19/2005 Front (4): Really liked this.
04/20/2005 John Slocum: That's what I'm saying.