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At the beach, a foppish gentleman approached me on his two-seater bicycle. "Excuse me, sir, but would you be so kind as to provide me with a complement?"

A bunch of weirdos at the beach these days, I thought to myself. But I went along with it. "Well, sir," I hesitated, "you are quite the fashionable, athletic gentleman."

Apparently this didn't do the trick. "No, no. Sir, I would like you to be discrete, here, with me on the bike."

I thought this request to be a little stranger than the first, but I decided to give it another shot. I bent down and whispered into his ear: "I do say, you are quite athletic, generous, and, dare I say...handsome."

The man jerked his head back. "I beg your pardon!" he exclaimed. He then immediately focused his attention on the take-out container of Chinese vegetables from which I had been eating.

"Sir," he requested, "please give me a pea, and I'll be on my way."

I unzipped my pants, per his request, but having just relieved myself a few minutes before, I was again unable to satisfy. I shrugged my shoulders, and that's when he finally left me alone.

Date Written: April 06, 2005
Author: Turgid
Average Vote: 3.6

04/18/2005 The Rid: Underwhelmed. This is like the funny-last-name bit. Kinda funny, but more stupid than funny.
04/18/2005 TheBuyer (4): haw haw haw.
04/18/2005 Mr. Pony: I honestly think this short would be well-served if the joke had fallen even flatter. Also, I get the sense that the narrator is lying to me.
04/18/2005 Litcube (4): Slow retarded laugh. I liked it.
04/18/2005 The Rid: Someone tell me what's funny about this.
04/18/2005 Klause Muppet: Well Mr. Rid, the reasons this is "HE-larry-us" is as follows:
1) The use of "Foppish"
2) The fact he 'bent' down to whisper into his ear. What is he, a midget??? Fucking midgets...
3) The narrators tone. No seriously, the tone.
4) The confusion over vegetable and urination. Oh goodness.
5) The inability to complement, which seems but a simple task.
6) The midget.

04/18/2005 Klause Muppet: Number 5 correction: "The inability to *successfully* complement"
04/18/2005 Klause Muppet (3): That being said, a BIG 3 for your ass!
04/18/2005 The Rid (3): Gentleman's three.
04/18/2005 Will Disney: Is this that guy Wolcott from Deadwood?
04/18/2005 Front: Ha.
04/18/2005 Litcube: I've read this a few times, and I'm a huge fan. I really like the characters here, and that punchline is fucking RETARDED! Yeah, I'm giving this a 5, assholes.
04/18/2005 Litcube: Rather, I owe you a five.
04/18/2005 TheBuyer: Too bad, that was a hell of a speech.
04/19/2005 John Slocum (4): Very enjoyable and funny.
04/19/2005 Turgid: Litcube, you owe me a 5.
04/19/2005 Litcube: I know, duder. I really enjoyed this upon further reading. I can easily put these two into a mental picture show, which helps me enjoy it; their interaction is funny. I jumped the gun something fierce, and my brain thinks this is one of your better pieces.
04/19/2005 Turgid: Thanks, buddy.
04/19/2005 Jon Matza: Damn, I thought this was Turgid. Should've spoken up and reaped rad glory.