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I suck at math. For that I like to blame Mrs. Franklin, my 8th grade Algebra teacher who got pregnant one month into the school year. I had second period math and that was when her morning sickness hit. Every day, like clockwork, she bolted for the ladies at 9:05, give or take a few.

In truth, the math suckiness ran far deeper, deep into the very core of my being, where nothing added up and very little made sense. That, or it could at least be traced back to the playroom. The abacus. I never understood it. I still donít. There is nothing the least bit simple about that little washboard. It makes a nice ornament. Pick-up sticks were all right. I liked my Tinker-Toys.

By the time I hit high school, Mr. Wood had his work cut out for him. I failed Algebra 2 twice. That landed me in Statistics and Functions senior year. I was not fit for any of the trig/precal/calculus permutations. I do not know what calculus is.

I can not recall the name of my seatmate, or the length of 5th period Stat-funk. I have no idea what we charted and graphed. I do remember peanut butter sandwiches, shared pots of Carmex, bathroom trips in twos, a hardboiled egg in a Ziplock bag stuck to the message board with my name on it, the mad dash to chapel, tears shed on the fieldhockey field, the shortest dress Iíve ever owned.

Date Written: April 12, 2005
Author: cuntry
Average Vote: 3.5

04/21/2005 The Rid: Afterschool special, anyone?
04/21/2005 Will Disney: hello jawbreaker!
04/21/2005 Will Disney: hello cuntry!
04/21/2005 The Rid: This does have a real chick vibe to it, huh? I'd guess Jawbreaker because of the field hockey reference.
04/21/2005 Klause Muppet (3): I enjoyed this. I remember bathroom trips in twos too!
04/21/2005 Mr. Pony (4):
04/21/2005 qualcomm: i really like the last graf. achieves sentiment. feel like the first two grafs could be redactoed with no ill effects. acme enthusiasts take note. this could represent the lodesign of a rich new vein.
04/21/2005 Ewan Snow (4): 4+
04/21/2005 John Slocum: ??-4 = ? + ??, ? = ??x - 4-->??x - 2 where x = 8 and ? = 8. See? This is a much better way to have human interactions than sharing pots of carmex.
04/21/2005 John Slocum: Way to go, Disney. You're inability to create a web architecture here that can accomodate my chosen 'character map' items really ruined my hilarious math joke. Thanks alot, thanks for nothing.
04/21/2005 anonymous: I hear that Disney's a real jerk.
04/21/2005 Will Disney: Correct!
04/21/2005 The Rid (3): Not bad. Not really all that good, but definitely not bad.
04/21/2005 Jon Matza: This short oppresses women by reinforcing the stereotype that women can't do math--i.e. I like it.