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Graylick Dramblegumper refused to quit on his book. Despite his toxicity, Graylick wasn’t a man kept easily down and was known for finishing things that he started, and so he edited. His second and subsequent edits were slightly more successful, if one considers a minor decline in lethality a success. After a bit of a skim, a careless reader could put the book down and survive, but would certainly live an horrible existence fraught with unexplained fits of psychotic wailing. This he thought was an improvement, but would later admit, was terribly difficult to market.
By the time Graylick Dramblegumper had edited enough of 'himself' out of the book to make it mostly non-deadly to all but the old and frail - it should be noted that in it's least hazardous form the book caused violent gastro intestinal difficulties, headaches, and vertigo, not unlike the effects of inhaling gasoline fumes from a plastic bag on an empty stomach in a gyroscope in the hot august sun near a rubbish tip - everyone who would had ever heard of the author had read the book and had either died, gone insane, or vanished*. Poor Mr. Dramblegumper went from an obscure, competent writer of some esteem, to a murdering, man-vanisher, who made everyone sick. Let this be a lesson to you next time you hear yourself saying, "Just be yourself" you may have killed someone you care about! If not for the love of a lovely woman, he would have had no reason to live and as you know, while Graylick edited his book, his lovely wife Alice dashed unnoticed out the back door with as much as she could carry strapped to a bicycle.
* The fourth edition, third pressing is known as the "Bermuda Graylick" edit.
Date Written: April 13, 2005Comments:
Author: Templeton Dink
Average Vote: 3.4
04/22/2005 The Rid: I saw the name Graylick Whatever and didn't want to read this. So I haven't yet.
04/22/2005 anonymous: The Rid,
Thank you for the update, these smear samples of your psyche continue to captivate the imagination of all who have the good fortune to step in one.
04/22/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs: This must have been one hell of a book. Was it scat porn?
04/22/2005 Will Disney (3):
04/22/2005 Klause Muppet (4): I'm a fan. Graylick Dramblegumper for president!
04/22/2005 Klause Muppet: Also, I enjoyed the 2nd paragraph more than the first. "man-vanisher"
04/22/2005 The Rid: Author, this whole series is just kind of...boring. Sorry that I don't share your enthusiasm for the pedestrain.
04/22/2005 anonymous: The Rid,
No reason to apologise, I love children, and you are so darling to use such a good word! Excellent!
04/22/2005 qualcomm: "rubbish tip." what country you think this is, man?
04/22/2005 TheBuyer: Rid, maybe if you bought him a tee shirt?
04/22/2005 The Rid: I dunno, Buyer. He seems ready to piss and moan the moment someone tells him his short is lame. Kinda like how I used to do. Perhaps he just needs time.
04/22/2005 TheBuyer: A lull in the action, eh, Dink? Eh? You may have been wise to bin this and press on with the next bit, eh? Eh? Dink? Eh?
04/22/2005 The Rid: Oh, and I read it. It's bad. But I don't think the author is trying to make everyone wince when reading; it just happens. So I can't decide on two or three.
04/22/2005 Mr. Pony (4): I have read this short, and I have voted on it.
04/22/2005 Mr. Pony: I have given it four out of five stars.
04/22/2005 Mr. Pony: I will say this about this work: It is being all that it can be; it is giving it its "all".
04/22/2005 Mr. Pony: Perhaps I have said too much.
04/22/2005 Klause Muppet: Mr. The Rid! Perhaps saying it's "bad" is an understatement. Perhaps you should say: "Graylick Dramblegumper turned out be so awful, so devoid of value as a person, so absolutely foul, putrid, feculent, and horrible, people who read the [short]...died from reading it."
-Really, truly fantastic poets, novelists (3/20/2005), Templeton Dink
04/22/2005 Mr. Pony: Interesting!
04/22/2005 Klause Muppet: Looks like a charming fellow!
04/22/2005 Templeton Dink: I'm found out! I was dashing once, wasn't I?
04/22/2005 Templeton Dink: That was two separate responses:
Klause, I'm found out!
Mr. Pony, I was dashing once, wasn't I?
While I'm at it...
The Rid, thank you for your consideration, I shall withhold my latest, damaging taunt out of pity and the hugeness of my loving, and unfortunately, weakening heart.
TheBuyer, please, sir, seek a pharmacological remedy for whatever it is that ails you, you are clearly beset upon by things far more bothersome than a simple fever. Have been tested recently for syphilis?
qualcomm, has a nice ring, doesn't it? 'Rubbish tip'.
The German gentleman, only in part.
04/22/2005 The Rid: Yeesh.
04/22/2005 TheBuyer (4): ya ya tell me something I don't know. I like the last one better, but +1 for hacking the rid so funny. I hope you don't get the myocardial infarctions. Rid, I saw Sin City too, pretty cool movie, huh?
04/22/2005 The Rid: Saw Sin City. Liked it.
04/24/2005 Klause Muppet: Saw Sin City last night. They could have cut the 2nd part of Bruce Willis' story. Not needed.
05/31/2005 The Rid (2):