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As sweaty underlings go, Jonas was most definitely reprobate. He'd rot for all his insubordination.

"You say malfeasance, I say malfusence," he replied in earnest without solicitation.

I couldn't make heads or tails of him. But his insolence was beginning to obfuscate my drawers in the most literal sense. I was steaming (as was the pile of trouble that slowly accumulated within the confines of my jodhpurs).

"Jonas, what do you make of the world's circumference?"

"Sir," he sneered, "I think you meant to suggest the world's perimeter. We do not inhabit a sphere." And he spat, a large globule landing straight upon the walled toe of my patent leather pantofole, or "chooch mirror," which I was now saddened to discover had been sullied and thus rendered ineffective.

"Jonas," I whispered in his ear, "I can see your jaundiced balls." Which was true, for the polished upper of my right chopine, I was quite giddy to discover, provided a clear view from underneath his loose-fitting frock.

Date Written: April 14, 2005
Author: Turgid
Average Vote: 3.4

04/25/2005 qualcomm: overwritten in a distinctly texxx/turgid sorta way
04/25/2005 Will Disney (4): a pleasure. 4.15 stars.
04/25/2005 The Rid: I'm irritated that this is the first thing I read Monday morning. Clever for the sake of being clever. Ugh.
04/25/2005 John Slocum: QC, I don't remember ever thinking Turgid overwrote. I don't have time to go to the oeuvre, but if you have an overwritten turgid short in mind, point me to it. However, this is definitely overwritten.
04/25/2005 anonymous: Overwrought, maybe.
04/25/2005 John Slocum: This is like an old Snow short on the surface, but without Snow's prowess and world view underneath the surface. I'm not sure there's anything underneath the surface.
04/25/2005 The Rid (2): There's nothing in this short except a desire to seem better than it is.
04/25/2005 anonymous: Shorts cannot have desires.
04/25/2005 John Slocum: This is also missing Snow's cock, balls, buttocks, swerve and game.
04/25/2005 Klause Muppet: or in other words:

Jonas was a low class bum who didn't give two shits for anybody.

"My vocabulary sucks," Jacob said.

I think I'm going to shit myself.

"Jonas, ever hear of the earth being round?"

"Dude?" he spat all over my clothes.

"Jonas, I can see the reflection of your balls in my shiny woman's shoes! Hah! Who's the loser now, bitch?!"

or something like that...
04/25/2005 Ed Mooney (4): Splendid. Much like a rollercoaster ride at Neverland. Short, sticky, and sweet to eat.
04/26/2005 qualcomm: see that, slocum?
04/26/2005 John Slocum: see what, qualcomm.
04/26/2005 qualcomm: the verification of my prediction. kneel before lerpa.
04/26/2005 John Slocum: oh the turgid thing. Yah, I'm disappointed. Turgid, explain yourself. Your the last person I'm going to believe in.
04/26/2005 John Slocum: what are you doing up so late?
04/26/2005 Klause Muppet: Who is Ed Mooney?
04/26/2005 Turgid: Slocum, my apologies. Please elevate me in your list (of people in whom you believe).
04/26/2005 John Slocum (3): Done. I enjoyed the parts of this that weren't overwrought and overwritten.
04/26/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs (4): Enjoyable. I took the overwroughttedness to be purposeful.
04/26/2005 Turgid: Indeed it was, Strfbldchzs.
04/26/2005 John Slocum: I never thought it wasn't purposeful, just unenjoyable because not marshalled skillfully. Not that you're not skillfull, talking just about this effort.
04/26/2005 Turgid: A fair assessment by a fair-minded man.
04/26/2005 Jon Matza: Re overwroughttedness: defiant, almost.
04/26/2005 Turgid: That's right. Flagrant, virtually.