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Darth Vader thoughtfully worked over his magenta plasticine. He had been in somewhat of a rut with work lately, and this kind of tactile catharsis seemed to both focus and relax him. The thing of it was, his boss was a micromanaging cunt-bag. That skinny faggoty-ass faggot, Moff Tarkin.
“I hate that little leper”, Vader said aloud. He could say anything he wanted in his chamber. In his chamber, it was just him, his plasticine and his black, Bose radio, which at the moment, he had tuned-in to Rush Limbaugh. You could say what you wanted to about Limbaugh, but the man had ideas.
Ideas, Vader thought. I could use some of them myself. Moff was a real bureaucratic fuck-ass. He was always vetoing Vader’s plans, one-upping him in front of the Emperor, and taking snide jabs at The Force. Vader had already considered a multitude of career-ruining traps to ensnare “Muff” as he wrote of him in his memoirs, but the little bitch cleaned up after himself.
Still, Tarkin had to take a fall… maybe even… a real one… off one of the bridges. Yeah. Yeah. Vader's unhelmeted brain sprinted into the idea with relish. No More Tarkin. No more humiliation. No more problem. Vader’s electronic thumbs worked the plasticine furiously, his respirator rate increasing. No two fucking ways about it, Tarkin has to be snuffed. Problem is, the Emperor will smell a dirty sock in it. He has a good nose about shit like that.
Idea: Have Fett take him out. Good. This is good. Fett hates Tarkin too, ever since the Christmas Party. Fett had been making good progress with an intern from Dantooine, and Moff strode right up and basically pulled rank. She was a nice little piece of ass, too. And you know how Fett is about shit like that. If the money is right, Fett will take it.
Vader looked down at his plasticine unicorn; it was delicate but strong, just like him. Just like me, Vader thought, lugubriously.
Date Written: April 21, 2005Comments:
Author: Benny Maniacs
Average Vote: 3.625
04/27/2005 TheBuyer (4): The second graph after In his chamber, it was just him, the Earth stuff, was ton-ton dung. The rest of it really embraced the hate, and radly.
04/27/2005 The Rid (3): Aw, Vader has feelings!
04/27/2005 Jawbreaker (3): I thought it was very well written and I liked all the little details like the plasticine unicorn.
04/27/2005 Klause Muppet: I dunno, what do you think Litcube?
04/27/2005 Jawbreaker: Klause, why do you need to hear what our friend Litcube has to say? (Just a curious question, I'm really not trying to be a jerk.)
04/27/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs (5): I found this extremely well written. If I had to find fault, it would be that the rhythym of the short is obliterated by the word "lugubriously".
04/27/2005 Klause Muppet: Jawbreaker, there are many reasons why I care. First off, I just want to see him post something, I miss him. Second off, I do care what he thinks as I'm one of his BIGGEST fans (nothing gay). And thirdly, wtf Litcube?! "I think something or someone is tapping into my emotional reserve that I'd set aside for Acme. It's bothering me." Explain yourself please!
04/27/2005 TheBuyer: Yes, Klause. His acme wonderfulness seems to be consipated by some kind of fibrous mass like a cabbage or sock. Maybe if we filled him full of crown royal and spun him around in his chair it'd loose up.
04/27/2005 Klause Muppet: If we spin him in his chair we may knock over his surround sound speaker system.
04/27/2005 TheBuyer: gross.
04/27/2005 Jon Matza: Don't know refs well enough to appree-cee-ate this 'un.
04/27/2005 Klause Muppet: You can tell the Authors are gearing up for Guest Month!
04/27/2005 Dick Vomit: taun taun, theBuyer. You may be tall, but you sure is stoopid.
04/27/2005 TheBuyer: I'm pretty.
04/27/2005 Klause Muppet (3): Points for writing a Star Wars short and making me look up Grand Moff Tarkin. No points for adding Rush Limbaugh which was unnecessary and ruined the believability of the short.
04/27/2005 Mr. Pony (4): Tauntaun. And isn't Dantooine a little remote? I agree with much of what was said here. I thought some of the gags were really funny; others less so.
04/27/2005 John Slocum (4):
04/28/2005 John Slocum: Yes! 'acs!
04/28/2005 qualcomm (3):