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“Here is your grande soy latte, Webster.”

“Webster? Are you kidding me you little prick?”

“But, I, uh, I thought...”

“You thought what you insignificant twerp?”

“Uh, I, um...”

“Spit it out you fuck! Come on! You are not only wasting my time but the studio’s time and fucking millions they put into this piece of shit film!”

“IthoughtIcouldcallyouWebsterafterlastnightDeb.”

“After last night? Are you fucking kidding me?”

“No. I, uh....”

“Just because the crew “gets together” after a long day of pretending to make a blockbuster hit with Ron fucking Jeremy does not mean you can call me Webster, you shit!”

“But, you said it was fine last night when you...”

“When I what, you piece-of-fucking-shit intern? When I was on the table after one too many car bombs? Or when I was flashing Jimmy from sound after I snorted some coke in the bathroom? I am your fucking director-ass boss so you will NOT call me Webster! You got that son?”

“Um, yeah, Deb, yeah. I got it.”

“Um, how’s the coffee”

“Tastes just like your mom’s asshole. Get me another.”

Date Written: April 22, 2005
Author: Jawbreaker
Average Vote: 1.5

Comments:
05/4/2005 Will Disney: Why is 'Deb' okay but 'Webster' is not? Is this is a woman? Is there an Emmanuel Lewis reference in here?
05/4/2005 anonymous: Deb is her first name... Deb is a complex and neurotic woman and she doesn't like people calling her Deborah either. I dunno. She's a weirdo.
05/4/2005 Turgid (2): If this were actually Emmanuel Lewis attempting to move away from his Webster persona, it might be funnier. As it stands, the banter seems predictably antagonistic after the opening, and there are no pleasant surprises along the way.
05/4/2005 The Rid: Hey, at least it's not another short about me or Dink. Look at it that way.
05/4/2005 Will Disney: Agreed, rid!
05/4/2005 qualcomm: seems like both the second- and third-to-last quotations are being made by the same character? error? no?
05/4/2005 Your Father: Come on guys, you can do it! What about your other stuff, you know, the jokes about all those things that you're always making, that's funny stuff! Here we go guys, nothing ventured nothing gained, let's hear it, you can do it! I know you have some knee-slappers in you, come on guys!
Just remember, there's no such thing as a failure who keeps trying, even if when you try, stories like this happen. Now you guys know that two person dialogue is a bad idea, don't you? You know that those commercials when cats or babies or shopping ladies discuss a product in great, glowing terms as if there's no better thing in the world like a little skit is insulting to our intellegence, well, this is the same! You can do it, I know you can do it, come on guys!
05/4/2005 qualcomm (1): yeah, this is a stinker, all right.
05/4/2005 Mr. Critic: And you wonder why I posted yesterday's short? Honestly, sirs.
05/4/2005 TheBuyer (1): Your Father is right, this is college radio public service announcement bad.
Mr. Critic, please go hide in your bum.
05/4/2005 Klause Muppet: My problem with this is that it tried to be funny and it just got confusing. I was expecting an Emmanuel Lewis story when I saw this in the queue, so it was a little bit of a let down. Ofcourse now that I'm rereading this I'm wondering what they did last night that he could call her "Webster". Some freaking midget shit.
05/4/2005 The Rid: Come on, this short isn't that bad. There are a couple good insults, and the last line produced a laugh. I'd give this a 3.51, rounded up.
05/4/2005 TheBuyer: That's because of one of three things
- Intellectual dishonesty
- Poor Taste
- A boner.
Everyone writes crappy shorts sometimes, no need to jump on this grenade.
05/4/2005 qualcomm: give it a four then, rid. that's what it deserves, right?
05/4/2005 scoop (1): Die.
05/4/2005 Dylan Danko (1): Bandwagon
05/4/2005 anonymous: ok, so if the short above mine gets more than all ones, I'll be pissed.
05/4/2005 The Rid (3): Sorry. Can't round up. Sorry, sorry.
05/4/2005 Front: Expected something more from the "Webster" reference. It was as annoying as it was confusing. Deb and Webster are two different people but the same at one point, or both? Seriously now, what's happening here? This is just bad in general, is that it?
05/4/2005 Mr. Pony: I have a feeling that the above short contains a joke that the author finds very funny. The thing is, the joke is really not coming across, unless the joke is one person being mean to the other person by swearing at them. Perhaps a little peer review would be in order before publication? Or in this case, review by an impartial observer? I think my father has a point about a return to basics and fundamentals before embarking on flights of experimental fancy--even Picasso knew how to make realistic drawings of fruit and shit.
05/4/2005 TheBuyer: This Picasso?