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*** Sung to the music of Black Sabbath's "War Pigs" ***

Tip toe through her two lips, through her labia, oh watchout for the garden hose...oh tip toe through her two lips with me!

Tip toe through her bushes, through her sponge bath, beware of her aborted kid...oh tip toe through her two lips with me!

(repeat)

Date Written: April 25, 2005
Author: Ed Mooney
Average Vote: 1.0833

Comments:
05/6/2005 qualcomm (1): like a tap driven into the heartwood of acme, sapping its lustre into a blue plastic bucket. off of what bathroom wall did you copy this?
05/6/2005 Mr. Negative (1): By the way, that doesn't go with "War Pigs" at all, you dumb cunt. Welcome to Acme.
05/6/2005 Jawbreaker (1): I guess since we are supposed to be highlighting our best guest author work here on the home page and we aren't living up to the extremely high standards of Acme, I will be voting harshly as well. Unless, of course, something actually makes me laugh.
05/6/2005 Will Disney: all right - big rally for next week, okay?
05/6/2005 Turgid (1): Wow.
05/6/2005 TheBuyer (1): This is like having elbow cancer.
05/6/2005 Litcube (1): This is funny!
05/6/2005 The Rid (1): Funny like a kick to the groin?
05/6/2005 Litcube: Honestly, when I read the short, saw all the ones, I started to laugh uncontrollably. I'm so glad it's guest month. I'm serious about that.
05/6/2005 qualcomm: author, what grade are you in? also, what's your favorite part of the matrix, you stupid, stupid asshole?
05/6/2005 The Rid: Hey, how about somebody compiles qualcomm's best comments into one short? I'd five that.
05/6/2005 Litcube: I thought "author, what grade are you in" was hurtful, in a high calorie low nutrition value kind of way.
05/6/2005 Litcube: Because I wrote this short.
05/6/2005 John Slocum (1):
05/6/2005 Jon Matza: Folks, let's try to be hospitible to our guests. When they're gone we'll have the place fumigated. But as long as they're here we ought to pretend to be gracious...
05/6/2005 qualcomm: i am being gracious. i'm treating him like any author. i even called him an asshole.
05/6/2005 Jon Matza: This has to be the worst rated short ever (taking # of votes into account)...
05/6/2005 Jon Matza: p.s. apologies to the community for my earlier mispelling of hospitable, esp Jimson.
05/6/2005 Mr. Pony: Hey, Matza, you know you spelled "hospitable" incorrectly, right?
05/6/2005 Jon Matza: Depends what you mean by "hey"
05/6/2005 The Rid: Hey, if I get a short into the queue, like, RIGHT NOW, another will be published at 2:30 and this dogshit will move down, right?
05/6/2005 Dick Vomit (1): gang rape!!!!!
05/6/2005 Mr. Positive: All: I can't find anything redeeming here. My purpose is sullied!
05/6/2005 Klause Muppet (1): Sorry Author, this is hard for me to get into for 2 reasons. (1) I don't know Black Sabbath. (2) There's nothing here that's drawing me in, i.e. a reason to download "War Pigs" and try this at home. Perhaps if you wrote a story with it. Like how you initially came up with this clever song dubbing. Anyway, as a hetro, I appreciate you talking about a woman's vagina. Yeah pussy!
05/6/2005 Mr. Pony: You're just not trying hard enough, Mr. Positive! I believe in you! You can do it!
05/6/2005 Dave Heiny (1): Hmmm...seems to go more with BOC's "Fear the Reaper" than BS's "War Pigs".
05/12/2005 Mr. Pony (2): This is a very very low two on my scale, to be sure, but nevertheless I'm afraid I'm going to have to ruin your perfect record, author. This short does not meet my personal criteria for a one-star short. While stupid, this short does not permenantly lower my opinion of humanity, and earns two stars. I feel quite differently about the follow-up.