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Dear Mom,

Thanks for wrapping TheBuyer around my neck 26 years ago.

Love,
Reg

Date Written: April 28, 2005
Author: Yahzick
Average Vote: 2.3

Comments:
05/6/2005 The Rid: I submitted a short to the queue THAT I NOW HAVE TO WRITE for this?
05/6/2005 TheBuyer: Rid, what were you, hatched? I think it's sweet.
05/6/2005 Klause Muppet (3): Reg is a very thoughtful son!
05/6/2005 The Rid: Those of us who celebrate out mother everyday find this kind of suck-up short beneath a mother's contempt, obviously written by a child who calls only when he needs money or BJs.
05/6/2005 Klause Muppet: Just in time for Mother's Day! I think I'll copy and paste this into a home made card for my mom. Ofcourse I'd change the number of years... to... uhm... wait for it...
05/6/2005 TheBuyer: what the hell is going on, I'm out of 1 star votes.
05/6/2005 The Rid: I think I might have one left in me.
05/6/2005 Jawbreaker (1): I do!
05/6/2005 The Rid (1): Forgot.
05/6/2005 anonymous: Well fuck my ass... This was supposed to come up next week some time. I was going to get rid of it before then. Because, well, it sucks. Dear me, is my face red.
05/6/2005 Mr. Joshua (5): This is good. Afleet Alex to win.
05/7/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs (4): I to thought this was pretty good.
05/7/2005 John Slocum (3): I'll cough up 3 stars, got a nice, medium sized, smooth chuckle out of this. Doesn't quite go anywhere.
05/7/2005 qualcomm: jesus christ
05/7/2005 Litcube (3):
05/7/2005 Jawbreaker: Not to be rude but... Are you guys freakin' serious???
05/7/2005 qualcomm (1): bunch of jerks
05/7/2005 Mr. Negative (1): Fuck you.
05/7/2005 John Slocum: We've all taken a turn laughing at something when everyone else thought we were crazy for laughing at it. You're welcome for my integrity.
05/7/2005 Klause Muppet: Jawbreaker, I'm serious. I laughed every time I read this. It's simple and it achieves its goal.
05/8/2005 Jon Matza: 3.35211
05/9/2005 Shomer Shabbas (1):
05/9/2005 Yahzick: This short only sucks a little, I thought. It's short, that's always nice, not pretentious, and it didn't cost you anything. What's the deal with all of the 1-star votes?
05/9/2005 qualcomm: i remember actually giving a note like this to my mother a long time ago, in middle school i think. i picked out a mother's day card and signed it, "thanks for giving birth to me." i think my 11-year-old version is better than this. i realize that is a personal reason for a one-starrage, but what the hell, it's a reason. also, on a more universal note: 1) "wrapping your cunt around my neck" is a terrible description, i think. it just doesn't evoke a birth. it's clumsy and unclever. 2) the badness of the description heightens the short's intentional "subversiveness" in an unpleasant manner. 3) i don't know about these other fucks, but i don't give out stars for brevity alone.
05/9/2005 John Slocum: A just question, Yahzick. Matza? Was that a vote? Are you witholding your vote like you withold attention and love from your children? Yahzick is not your child.
05/9/2005 John Slocum: I gave 3 stars mostly for the laugh I got, and a little for the brevity. I didn't give more than 3 because, as I said, the short doesn't go anywhere, it's got one joke that got a good laugh, this is not a short for the ages. It won't be funny in a couple of weeks.
05/9/2005 qualcomm: furthermore: this thing has a fratty, locker room sentiment. i feel like the teller wants to high-five me after i read it. i hate that shit. it's the male version of 'sex and the city'-type humor.
05/9/2005 qualcomm: (you're welcome for my bluntness)
05/9/2005 Jon Matza: I didn't use actual stars because there was no 3.35211 option. Good job, Disney. Re short: seems like "certain" "people" are blaming it for not being something it isn't trying to be, i.e., a brilliant, subversive, original piece of comedy. I found it fairly amusing--largely because of the name "Reg"--in a lightweight, instantly disposable way. Sorry if that shocks anyone.
05/9/2005 Mr. Pony: I don't get why everyone thinks this is about a birth!
05/9/2005 The Rid: I'm glad qualcomm brought up point #1 in his explanation. It doesn't convey birth so much as it does an odd type of strangulation. But maybe if this woman knew her son would write dumb shorts like this, she would have tried to strangle him.
05/9/2005 qualcomm: yeah, but couldn't you make the same defense for just about any joke that sucks, matza? eg, sex and the city is filled with lightweight jokes that aren't trying to be particularly brilliant or original (despite what its ninny fans think). and yet, the jokes most certainly do suck shit. i agree that reg is a good name, but it certainly doesn't redeem the phi beta epsilon-ness of the rest of the short.
05/9/2005 Jon Matza: Re "you could make that same defense for any joke that sucks": are you sure? Don't some jokes suck because they're trying to be too edgy, for instance, not too lightweight? Or for other reasons? To repeat, "I (za) found it (this short) fairly amusing", i.e., I don't share your (qc's) certainty that this joke "sucks shit"--not a particularly custard filled phrase in itself, by the way. One more point...I assumed "wrapping your cunt around my neck", far from trying to be an accurate description of birth, was intentionally stupidly, crudely put. I guess you interpreted this as an attempt to be "subversive"...I saw it more as an attempt to be stupid. Like my friend in college who used to get drunk & headbutt street signs for the sheer senseless futility of it. Fratty for sure, but funny to a mad dog like THIS GUY.
05/9/2005 qualcomm: absolutely. some jokes (like this one) suck because they're trying to be too edgy. my point was that you were misreading it as an attempt at light, disposable humor. (a defense you could use (mistakenly) for just about any joke that fails: "don't be obtuse, it was supposed to be stupid.") as for "sucks shit" not being custard filled, i didn't intend the phrase to be a brilliant evisceration of the short, or even a clever turn of phrase. it's an idiom people use to mean "bad." by the way, your use of the term "good job" in your 12:23 post below? not quite amalgamated, if you catch my etc, brother. also, there are some other idioms you've used in previous posts that we need to discuss.
05/9/2005 Jon Matza: "Good job"'s nowhere near as barren-wombed as "sucks shit", sorry.
05/9/2005 Yahzick: qualcomm, I don't mind that you hate my short because you got beat up by frat-kids when you were younger. A short like this one doesn't really ask for thoughtful voting, though. You read way too deep into all fifteen words of it. Although, I liked your justification of a one-star vote, it wasn't your one-star vote that bothered me. You're, at least, creative. It was the try-too-hard-to-seem-creative-and-intelligent set that bugged me. They seem to hissing "this is way beneath me," under their breath, like Napoleon Dynamite.... woops, I lost my train of thought, I can't even rant goodly. Either way, I would have hit this with two or three stars, so anyone who didn't can get fucked.
05/9/2005 Yahzick: qualcomm, I don't mind that you hate my short because you got beat up by frat-kids when you were younger. A short like this one doesn't really ask for thoughtful voting, though. You read way too deep into all fifteen words of it. Although, I liked your justification of a one-star vote, it wasn't your one-star vote that bothered me. You're, at least, creative. It was the try-too-hard-to-seem-creative-and-intelligent set that bugged me. They seem to hissing "this is way beneath me," under their breath, like Napoleon Dynamite.... woops, I lost my train of thought, I can't even rant goodly. Either way, I would have hit this with two or three stars, so anyone who didn't can get fucked.
05/9/2005 Yahzick: qualcomm, I don't mind that you hate my short because you got beat up by frat-kids when you were younger. A short like this one doesn't really ask for thoughtful voting, though. You read way too deep into all fifteen words of it. Although, I liked your justification of a one-star vote, it wasn't your one-star vote that bothered me. You're, at least, creative. It was the try-too-hard-to-seem-creative-and-intelligent set that bugged me. They seem to hissing "this is way beneath me," under their breath, like Napoleon Dynamite.... woops, I lost my train of thought, I can't even rant goodly. Either way, I would have hit this with two or three stars, so anyone who didn't can get fucked.
05/9/2005 Yahzick: I'm not sure why that showed up three times. I didn't do that on purpose to prove an annoying point or anything.
05/9/2005 Mr. Pony: Holy fuck, was that Shomer Shabbas?
05/9/2005 qualcomm: yaz, it's difficult to vote on extremely short shorts because of just that. you're not supposed to read too much into it. so on that level, the thing either makes you laugh or it doesn't. i was just trying to investigate why it didn't make me laugh. i don't know -- that's just how i was raised.
05/10/2005 Litcube: Whoah! I missed all this today!