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It was one of those craps that kind of makes a ring around the bowl. And it was long. It was like someone put Dick Spiritís Dong Longener in his stool.

Anyway, why it was such a healthy crap was confusing. Because Jed had been watching Oprah lately, you know, because she's all spiritual, and there was a health expert on there who talked a lot about human evacuation of the bowels, and he said that healthy poop was solid and curved. It was a myth that a heavy, painful, break apart-as-it-comes-out crap was good. No, that usually meant you had too much fiber or something. You know, back off the Metamucil.

But back to why this crap being so healthy was confusing. Most of the time, Jed just ate Doritos, drank Dr. Brown's and masturbated in front of the TV. There was orange resin all over his johnson. But he was healthy, at least according to his poo. Was it the Oprah? Because Jed felt a kind of lightness in his spirit that he never felt before. Not even while watching that guy who knew what was going on with the dead.

Jed gingerly lifted the shit from the bowl and prepped it for dissection. He was gonna get to the bottom of this.

Date Written: May 04, 2005
Author: The Rid
Average Vote: 2.75

05/12/2005 Klause Muppet: Uhm... perhaps I'll go back to the other short.
05/12/2005 Poop: Poop!
05/12/2005 The Rid: Hey, I like the dilemma - I live like a pig but apparently I'm healthy. If turds mean anything, I guess.
05/12/2005 The Rid: Hey, I like the dilemma - I live like a pig but apparently I'm healthy. If turds mean anything, I guess.
05/12/2005 anonymous: So I guess during the "Ah, crap!" you posted twice, huh Rid?
05/12/2005 Litcube: Othhuer, just from what I can gather here, to me it looks like The Rid considered his comment at the time of 5/12/2005 4:13:49 PM, and most importantly, the weight of the submission itself. He analyzed his comment from many angles, and upon his review carefully considered submitting exactly the same comment again to make a profound point. The extent of this profoundness, I donít have the capacity to say. However, what I do know, is that after all this he methodically re-typed his comment and submitted 5 seconds later.
05/13/2005 John Slocum (2):
05/13/2005 Mr. Pony: Snow would have a fit is he knew you linked to one of his works in a short where you used gingerly as an adverb.
05/13/2005 The Rid: I have to say, Pony, I'm impressed by that bit of research.
05/13/2005 Mr. Critic (4):
05/13/2005 Mr. Pony: It's nothing; I just used the search thing.
05/13/2005 TheBuyer: cridic, what the hell is 4 stars good about this?
05/13/2005 Mr. Pony (2): The real question is, why is that link there in the first place? The short already has a critically low signal-to-noise ratio, and the seemingly naked reference pushes this thing down a ways.
05/13/2005 The Rid: Hey, I dunno. Maybe Mr. Negative channeled his pension for turd shorts into me for a day or two.
05/13/2005 Mr. Pony: Yes, Mr. Critic, let's hear some actual criticism. Unless, of course, you were thinking about changing your name to Mr. Corrective!!!
05/13/2005 Mr. Pony: aha ha ha ha ha!
05/13/2005 Jawbreaker (3): Thought it was about 2.5. Definitly not a 4.
05/13/2005 TheBuyer: I smell a rat, cridic, a corpse eater.
05/13/2005 The Rid: Buyer, agree.
05/13/2005 anonymous: What are you implying Buyer?
05/13/2005 anonymous: What are you implying Buyer?
05/13/2005 anonymous: Can you ask once more?
05/14/2005 anonymous: What are you implying Buyer?
05/14/2005 TheBuyer: Who's asking?