home authors guest shorts graphical shorts


I jerked off as my wife, Elizabeth, fingered herself. "Oh," I said, "Tell me about your day."

She teased her clit and then inserted her middle finger into her snatch. "First, I took Rachel and Bobby to school."

"Gnnnggghhh...then what?"

She gasped as she slid two fingers inside herself. "Then I went food shopping for the week and picked out some hors d'oerves for the dinner party on Saturday."

"What did you get"? I drooled.

"Flank steaks for the main course and a Black Olive Tapenade for cocktail hour."

"Black Olive Tapenade...gaaaaahhhh!" I felt an orgasm building from the base of my balls. "WHAT ELSE?!!"

"Then I picked up the dry cleaning and got the kids from school..." She was pounding her pussy with two fingers, then three. "And I made dinner for the kids because I knew you'd be home late..."

"Uunnnnhhhhhh!!!!" I screamed.

"And then I helped Rachel with her Algebra homework..." she panted.

I shouted, "OH MY GOD!!!! PYTHAGORAS!!!! GAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!" I came with the full force of a new 2005 Saturn Relay V-6, my hot load shooting forth with perfect aerodynamic intensity.

"The towel!" Elizabeth shouted.

With a ruthless efficiency unseen since the Exodus to Grosse Pointe from Detroit, I picked up the cum towel and hurled it at Elizabeth's chest. Just as my flying spunk came down, the towel covered her breats and she was shielded from my unwanted seed.

She threw the towel to the floor and kissed me.

"Soccer Mom..." I gasped.

Date Written: May 10, 2005
Author: The Rid
Average Vote: 3.5

05/18/2005 Will Disney: well, it's nice to be back online. this short didn't ring my bell, per se. i think there is some good material in here to be worked with, however.
05/18/2005 TheBuyer: How big are her breats?
05/18/2005 Will Disney: yeah, tell us about her breats.
05/18/2005 Jawbreaker: I picture her as a small B.
05/18/2005 Jawbreaker: While we are on the subject, how big is his manhood? That could totally sway my vote.
05/18/2005 qualcomm (3): solid.
05/18/2005 TheBuyer: Hi. Breats. Thank you.
05/18/2005 scoop: Was there one in the pink AND one in the stink?
05/18/2005 Mr. Pony: From the description, it seems pretty unlikely that even an efficiently-thrown towel could somehow beat the spum shot, wouldn't you say?
05/18/2005 Mr. Pony (4): Nevertheless, Pony gives this a three.five!
05/18/2005 Jon Matza: 1) I, Matza, had similar reservations to Pony re problematic chronology of the towel hurl and the narrator's ejaculatory crisis. 2) On the other hand, I reaped a plentiful portion of humor from the phrase "from the base of my balls". 2b) Why the repeated use of title case for "Black Olive Tapenade", Awethir? Just cure. 3) Do you, Awethir, think our identities are determined by the choices we make in life or the other way around?
05/18/2005 anonymous: I'll answer everyone if I can! Buyer: She's a C. Jawbreaker, he's larger than average, but not pornstar big. Matza: Black Olive Tapenade repeated as a device to show the narrator's glee with his place in his "banal" lifestyle, hence the title. And Matza, I think our identities can determine the choices we make, but we are also judged by our choices. But we can also go against the grain and choose against our natural inztinctz.
05/18/2005 TheBuyer: In my head the word 'banal' rhymes with 'anal'.
05/18/2005 anonymous: Rhymes with anal. Hee hee!
05/18/2005 Mr. Pony: I wish for once we could get into a conversation about breats and not make it all about their volume.
05/18/2005 Jawbreaker (4): If he was porn star large then it would be a 5!
05/18/2005 TheBuyer: That'd wreck her banus.
[pron. ba'NUSS]
05/19/2005 Alfred P. Whitaker (3): This is pretty good, but seems like it largely relies on the same joke over and over. "I'm masturbating while talking about the banal." "I'm also masturbating while talking about the banal." "I'm still masturbating while talking about the banal." "Me too, I'm still masturbating while talking about the banal." Etc. Not that it's without it's funny parts, just not that funny.
05/19/2005 Alfred P. Whitaker: By the way, I'm back from wherever I went.
05/19/2005 Mr. Pony: Welcome back, Arthur!
05/19/2005 The Rid: Alfred P: That's kind of the point.
05/19/2005 The Rid: Matza, did I answer your questions?
05/19/2005 Jon Matza: Well...you took a stab at it, which I appreciate. Not sure if I understood the answers, though, to be honest.
05/19/2005 The Rid: Well, 'Za, I'll see if I can be a little more...I dunno, if I can make a little more sense. Gimme a minute.