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Good evening, Mister Slocum. Would you like some wine? If memory serves me correctly, Mr. Slocum, I seem to remember you with a woman the last time you were with us. Red scarf. Nice smile. Terrible hair... Oh dear. That is too-too bad, Mr. Slocum. A man of your, uhm, po-tential should not be alone. No-no-no... On a night like tonight, Mr. Slocum, there is a certain amount of, how do you say, “something in French perhaps” in the air. Excuse me, Mr. Slocum, but you look awfully tense. Do you mind if I just rub - there we go. E’hem, now that I’m pushing 22 and death is imminent, there are a few things I want in life: a house, a Toyota Prius, a partner. Eeeeew, there's a big boy knot. Oh, do you know what I’m saying, Mr. Slocum? I want to take you back to my bachelor apartment, clear off the Ambush magazines from my coffee table, and make you- Wine?

Date Written: May 11, 2005
Author: Klause Muppet
Average Vote: 3.25

05/20/2005 Will Disney: This one is really creepy!
05/20/2005 Will Disney: I assume Jawbreaker wrote this, right? Jawbreaker you pervert!
05/20/2005 John Slocum: Goodness gracious me!
05/20/2005 John Slocum: Slocum's fucked here.
05/20/2005 Will Disney: Slocum, do you find this short to be sexy?
05/20/2005 John Slocum: Strangely...
05/20/2005 John Slocum: So is the author here a dumb shit, or is the 'there is a few things' an intentional, crafty mis-use of grammar? Also, aside from the mention of wine, this is not very good, definitely not very funny. Inside short? Slocum must come down on this short like a ton of cement waggers (ie. with a strong crushing effect).
05/20/2005 Litcube: Whut the Eyuf!?
05/20/2005 TheBuyer: I like the description of Slocum's rental in the first few lines.
05/20/2005 anonymous: There's only one thing the narrator really wants... it's you Slocum!
05/20/2005 Jon Matza: Can someone explain the situation/premise to me? Seriously. Should be marked as an inside short.
05/20/2005 The Rid: There's no way Jawbreaker wrote this.
05/20/2005 John Slocum: alright, fine, you can have me. But I like to be held after sex, particularly after being fucked in the ass (I have a strap on if you're a woman). I usually cry after cumming, so be prepared for that. If all's acceptable for you, we can proceed.
05/20/2005 Mr. Pony: Are you sure this should be marked as inside, Matza? Are you sure this doesn't have universal appeal?!!??!?!?
05/20/2005 Mr. Pony: !??!??!?!?!?!?!?!
05/20/2005 Jon Matza: Pretty sure. I'm open to being persuaded differently, though...and if the community decides it shouldn't be an inside short I will honor that decision.
05/20/2005 Mr. Pony: ha ha
05/20/2005 John Slocum: Man! This is exciting!
05/20/2005 Jawbreaker: Red scarf? I own a red scarf!
05/20/2005 Dylan Danko: This is Mr. J, no?
05/20/2005 TheBuyer: ha!
05/20/2005 Mr. Pony: Oh, my gosh, this is Mr. J.
05/20/2005 TheBuyer (4): Ya, anyhow. Fo.
05/20/2005 KiNGWiKiPede: WIKiPEDIA == AWSOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
05/20/2005 Will Disney (3.5): Maybe this is a 3.5? A Guest Month 3.5 maybe?
05/20/2005 Mr. Pony: HOLY FUCKING CRAP!!!
05/20/2005 TheBuyer: sweeeeet.
05/22/2005 cuntry (3.5):
05/24/2005 John Slocum (2): fuck you.
05/24/2005 Litcube: Whoah!
05/25/2005 Klause Muppet: Saw that coming.