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Before donning my favorite aqua-marine muscle shirt, I admire the detailed edges of the barbed wire tattoo -- encircling a healthy bicep -- which I had acquired in '98. Fine work. It would look even more inspiring with a baby oil sheen, its splendor more rigorous with every flex. With every heartbeat, perhaps.

On the front doorknob, I find two choices of headgear. 'Bama? No. Tonight it's all SC. Cocks. Perfection.

A few minutes later, I approach an acquaintance. Victor is his name, and he's working the door at Razor's Edge. I'm on poon patrol myself, so I pay him little heed.

"Say, how's the poos?" The poos? Is this guy putting me on?

"It's warm."

"Ha! A funny guy."

"Like your anal cavity."

Victor's English isn't all that great, so my use of technical jargon is a deliberate choice. I'm not going to "out" the guy. Not tonight, anyway. He knows who he is -- and that's good enough for me.

He gives me a soft pat on the ass as I pass smoothly, effortlessly through the club orifice, as though my entire body were lubricated. It is the shorts I am wearing that provide catnip to Victor's feline aggression and induce him to so brazenly ignore tonight's dress code. No way I get in with cutoffs otherwise. I pause and then take a few steps backward to see his expression, but he's already moved on to another conversation. I slide back into the club and then realize my oily arms facilitate an easy passage.

I take a seat in the first empty booth I can find, but I quickly find myself at the end of a Slip 'N' Slide run, face down upon the floor, as I suddenly recall the vast amounts of oil upon my hamstrings. It's 7:38.

7:48. Goddamned Maurice. Sizing up my cock (I'm pretty sure). His jaw must be made of steel, like a gator's.

Hey, there's Janice. Stupid floozy. You're not supposed to buy the guy a drink. Let him do the buying. Her desperation's depressing the shit out of me.

Date Written: May 24, 2005
Author: Turgid
Average Vote: 3

06/1/2005 Will Disney (4.5): Bravo, Guest Author!
06/1/2005 Turgid (4.5): Goddamned Maurice.
06/1/2005 Klause Muppet: This is too deep for me.
06/1/2005 Jawbreaker: Author, can I have some sort of explanation? This what I am picturing. A beefed up, maybe Italian, man whom is gay (the shorts and the look back) but decides to hide it with "manly" signals like the tattoo and the muscle shirt. Anywhere near close?
06/1/2005 Mr. Pony: Me too, apparently; although I find the confusion between metaphorical lubrication and actual lubrication interesting.
06/1/2005 anonymous: I'm not sure whether he's gay or not. Honestly, I don't think he's sure either.
06/1/2005 The Rid: I'm honestly not sure if this is any good.
06/1/2005 anonymous: I don't know, Rid. Your call. There's no ejaculate in this one, so by your standards, it probably isn't.
06/1/2005 Klause Muppet: I dig the first part of the story (although there are many references I don't get - cuz I'm not gay [at all] ((not even a tiny bit)) {{{i hardly even think about it}}} anyway, once the slip-n-slide comes in I'm a little lost.
06/1/2005 Jawbreaker: Maybe it is the "lube" that is throwing me off too.
06/1/2005 Klause Muppet: That's not fair, Author, The Rid doesn't necessarily like shorts with ejaculate in them either.
06/1/2005 TheBuyer: The slip-n-slide around the booth got a laugh out of me, it's very jumbled though. workin on it...
06/1/2005 The Rid: Klause, I thank you, especially since you had to link to your own short to make your point. Author, FU.
06/1/2005 anonymous: ahem
06/1/2005 TheBuyer: that's not funny, shitbag
06/1/2005 Mr. Pony: Hey, you guys saw this, right?
06/1/2005 qualcomm: can't tell how much of the writing is purposely clumsy. eg, "It is the shorts I am wearing that provide catnip to Victor's feline aggression"
06/1/2005 TheBuyer (2.5): Intentional or not, this is too unfocused to unfurl my flag.
06/1/2005 Klause Muppet (3): .5 more than the Buyer cause he's silly.
06/1/2005 The Rid (2): And, by the way, just because I write a lot of shorts that feature ejaculate doesn't mean I can't appreciate shorts that don't feature ejaculate. Unless it's this one.
06/1/2005 anonymous: Not purposely clumsy, aggressively clumsy, more like it.