home authors guest shorts graphical shorts
Dammit! I spilled bong water all over the floor! Fuck. Dude, what are we gonna do? We have to get this cleaned up before Mom and Dad come home.
Are those tator tots? Score!
Fuck. Dude. Mom and Dad are going to be home any minute and that shit ass bong water is still all over the floor!
Wait, I know. Come here Rosie! Rosie! ROSIEEEEE!!!!
Watch and learn brotha. Now, you hold the bichon like this. Then you firmly but carefully insert the wooden broom handle into its ass just like this. And bam! There's the new mop!
Now, let's take care of this mess, huh?
Date Written: May 25, 2005Comments:
Average Vote: 1.875
05/25/2005 The Rid (1.5):
05/25/2005 The Rid: Although the image of Jawbreaker's dog (not named Rosie) with a broom up her ass is kinda funny.
05/25/2005 Jawbreaker: Hey, this isn't very nice!
05/25/2005 Jawbreaker (4): But after some serious consideration (picturing my little doggie as a mop) I think it's funny.
05/25/2005 Klause Muppet: Bong Water + Tator Tots + Dog Mop doesn't necessarily make a good short. Does it Yoda?
05/25/2005 The Rid: Klause, I'd be willing to bet that those ingredients make the short even worse. Hell, bong water alone drops it to a 2.5.
05/25/2005 TheBuyer (2): Jawbreaker, I think your blood-sugar may be low, this is trash, good thing it's instant!
05/25/2005 Will Disney (2.5):
05/25/2005 anonymous: All you have to do to see this is funny is to imagine a very curly haired white bichon at the end of a wooden pole! Come on! That's funny!
05/25/2005 The Rid: I think it would have been more plausible if the bichon's name were Olive. You know?
05/25/2005 Mr. Pony:
05/25/2005 anonymous: Rosie is a VERY plausible name, Rid. Thanks for the picture Pony! The only thing about it is that Rosie doesn't have the fluffy hair. She's all curl.
05/25/2005 TheBuyer: Author, a two person dialogue floating in space agitates my piles regardless of how far up an dog ass a stick is shoved, it's not you, it's me, also you mostly.
05/26/2005 TheBuyer: Also, my instant short from today sucked too.
05/26/2005 John Slocum (1.5): That's funny TheBuyer, this doesn't agitate my piles, but it riles my Klagnuts.
05/26/2005 The Rid: Hey, Jawbreaker, how is little Olive anyway?
05/26/2005 Jawbreaker: The Olster says "Hello Rid, you mean, mean man. Thanks for scaring me last time I saw you, jerk!" (Olive also has a high pithed voice like myself)
05/26/2005 Jawbreaker: *pitched
05/26/2005 Dylan Danko: I would like to ban all communication among guests of a personal, non acme related, nature. (See below) You must first seek approval from the Board of Authors.
05/26/2005 TheBuyer: I Second, please carry motion to Council for review.
Nice shirt Dylan, you're a true autumn, Brooks Brother much?
05/26/2005 anonymous: Fuck you Danko and Buyer. And the dudes you rode in on.
05/26/2005 TheBuyer: It still won't be macaroni.
05/26/2005 Mr. Pony: Now, now, anon_a. I think Danko has a point. (Not that we hold this particularly disruptive and irritating exchange against you, Jawbreaker. You're okay, kiddo. It's clearly entirely the Rid's fault, and if you would speak to him about it that would be great.)
05/26/2005 anonymous: Mr. Pony, I think Jawbreaker is a willing participant in all these shenanigans, no?
05/26/2005 Farva: Did someone say shenanigans?
05/26/2005 Jawbreaker: Go shove it Anon-b!
05/26/2005 Jawbreaker: So personal jabs, like below, are allowed at acme? But silly, curly-haired dogs insulting The Rid are not? I don't get it.
05/26/2005 TheBuyer: Everything is permitted (except ',no?').
Check out that macaroni link for a good example of pretty funny "personal" type discourse. Don't forget your audience. Have you hugged your audience yet today? Hmm?
05/26/2005 qualcomm: the problem, jb, is that your comment makes one picture you holding up your small dog (with its razor sharp bottom row of teeth on constant display) and saying in a silly voice, "Hello Rid, you mean, mean man. Thanks for scaring me last time I saw you, jerk!"
this had the unpleasant effect of making you come off like one of those psychos from Best in Show. (ps, i'm offering life lessons to one lucky female guest. what do you look like and what are you wearing?)
05/26/2005 Jawbreaker: So I just read the macaroni reference. Now is that only funny because all of you guys were involved? I mean, I was involving The Rid so I just don't get it. And at this point I would rather not involve The Rid in anything. We had a falling out today (well like 10 minutes ago). Oh wait, is this not Acme bantar either?
05/26/2005 TheBuyer: no no no, what did he do? Maybe click here though.
05/26/2005 Jawbreaker: Buyer: I really can post the falling out on the message boards???
05/26/2005 qualcomm: (by the way, i think the macaroni feud, and all such non-acme-related items, should be confined to the message board.)
05/26/2005 Dylan Danko: The Buyer: I don't understand the autumn color thing. Did you contrive, by some sort of closed circuit trickery, to spy on me in the changing room at Target this evening? Seriously.
05/26/2005 TheBuyer: No, I was starting a non-acme tangent. If you could hear my accent, you would think that autumn line was repeatable at parties it's so funny.
06/6/2005 The Rid: You know, Jawbreaker, I can actually see you try this.