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This short is about a businessman named Ted. There is nothing unusual about this short. Ted doesn't secretly fight crime or boff his secretary or pad the expense account. He wakes up, commutes, works, goes home, helps the kids with the homework, about three times a week boinks the old lady (which admittedly is better-than-average after fifteen years of marriage, but he and Shirley are as in love now as when they met - even with her stretch marks after baby #2), and repeats, except on weekends when he visits the in-laws or plays golf with his brother Dan, who is a homosexual. There are no fancy reveals and there are no "Gotcha!" moments, unless you count the 2-for-1 that Ted stumbled into at Sam's Club last Tuesday. This short, much like Ted, is pretty standard.

Date Written: May 25, 2005
Author: The Rid
Average Vote: 3.61111

06/3/2005 Will Disney: This is a song about a superhero named Tony! It's called 'Tony's Theme'!
06/3/2005 Will Disney: Also, good execution on what could have been a high concept boner-killer, guest author.
06/3/2005 Mr. Pony (4): Like Disney, I agree with Disney. Unlike Disney, however I will vote on this short, unlike Disney would, as I hear he only votes on the shorts of new authors, and when it suits his complex but decidedly evil purposes.
06/3/2005 John Slocum: I would say the short isn't "standard."
06/3/2005 Klause Muppet: Sonic Youth?
06/3/2005 Klause Muppet: Slocum, would you say it's above or below standard?
06/3/2005 Klause Muppet (4): A standard 4.
06/3/2005 Yahzick: Sonic Youth? Nope, the Pixies.
06/3/2005 Litcube (3.5): Unlike Pony & Disney, I found the execution to be slightly below standard; some awkward sentence structure, lists. Otherwise, this would have been a four star short. The Breeders.
06/3/2005 John Slocum: not below standard, not above standard. Lateral?
06/3/2005 John Slocum (3.5): i like this, btw. I know that's important for you oweathoer.
06/3/2005 TheBuyer (3): I'll take middle ground, same as the short. Average writing, average rating, etc. Porno for Pyros.
06/3/2005 Jawbreaker (4): Enjoyed it!
06/3/2005 The Rid (4): Well, I like this one a lot. Clumsy in places, but breaks the 4th wall in a very pleasant way (ie, doesn't seem like it's trying too hard to be cool). This short sets a goal and accomplishes said goal.
06/3/2005 Shane (4.5): {smile}
06/3/2005 Jon Matza: Interesting that the augh'thuorre doesn't reveal what product the 2 for 1 special was for. Surely this omitted detail is the key to the subversive subtext roiling just below the short's surface regularity?
06/3/2005 Dylan Danko (4):
06/3/2005 anonymous: 2-for-1 on Hellman's Lite mayonaisse. Fairly regular!
06/3/2005 Mr. Pony: Uh oh, Arthur. Now you've done it.
06/3/2005 anonymous: Why's that, Mr. Pony?
06/3/2005 Mr. Pony: Read The Mayonnaise Discourse and find out.
06/3/2005 Jon Matza: Now that was the kind of jumbo lump-laden discourse that used to occur back when people weren't afraid to state their positions openly...back when Acme was Intellectually Free...back before the PC thought police took our freedoms away...etc...
06/3/2005 Jawbreaker: Is acme really that different now???
06/3/2005 qualcomm: in the cool light of day, that tampon fucking short is terrific. vindication is sweet. fu, streifen.
06/6/2005 Yahzick (2): Standard shorts make me laugh, then they get average marks (or none at all). This one didn't make me laugh, and it annoyed me. Here's a below-average vote.
06/6/2005 The Rid: You know, people like to jump all over me when I give a dissenting vote. How is it that you were annoyed?
06/6/2005 Yahzick: I'm probably just emotional, The. When I was in elemntary school in South Western Canada's barren wasteland, we used to have to do a public-speaking thing for English class. I used to have a lot of trouble figuring out what to speak aobut (read my shorts, it followed me into adult-hood) and my mom always suggested that I, "write a speech about writing a speech." She gave the same suggestion every year and every year I thought it was the worst idea I'd ever heard. This short isn't quite that idea but it keeps calling itself a short and talking about being a short, etc, so it's close enough that it annoyed me. Sorry about cunting all over your short, anyhow.
06/6/2005 The Rid: So you don't like my short because it reminds you of your mom telling you to write a speech about writing a speech? Wow, that is cunty.
06/7/2005 Klause Muppet: Yahzick, I wrote a speech about writing a speech in grade 5... look how I turned out.
06/7/2005 Mr. Pony: Say, Rid; I don't think anyone's ever jumped all over you for laying down a dissenting vote. I think it has more to do with when you don't/won't/can't back it up with a thoughtful reason. Yahzick's reasoning, while couched in anecdote, is directly related to the work you have produced; and I think your cruel and intentino-misinterprety dismissal of his criticism warrants a sincere apology on your part.
06/7/2005 The Rid: Pony, I said his reason was cunty, not that he didn't relate said reason directly to the short. But you're right, "dissenting is the wrong word." But I also don't give shorts low votes because I'm in a foul mood anymore. Musta beena phase.
06/7/2005 The Rid: *"dissenting" is the wrong word.