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David could see themes developing but he didn't understand them. The enormity of the entire situation had him paralyzed. He looked at the gun in his hand and then he put it away. Alice lowered her hands and heard her heart in her ears, she couldn't hear his voice over the noise but he was talking. He picked up a glass from the flat concrete ledge of the stoop where they were standing. It was the front steps in front of an old house built in an old neighborhood and the ice in the glass was melted. He looked at the glass and his hands and the steps and the sun and the blue dot in his eyes when he looked back down at Alice. This was an inappropriate pause, he should have shot her already.
"What are we doing, Alice?" he asked her, "What is this?"
"You're leaving, you're going to shoot me and then you're going away forever."
It was true.
"You're going to kill me and us and all that we have and you're going to leave and never come back," she said.
David put the glass back and continued the pause. He took a step down so his feet were on two different levels and dumbly admired them. He didn't understand the symbol in his feet, how they were perfectly aligned but on different levels but he'd done it on purpose. David looked up and Alice sighed and walked down the steps onto the sidewalk. It was the middle of the day and there were a lot of cars on the street and she walked out into the cars and one hit her.
"What if I stayed," said David.
Date Written: May 26, 2005Comments:
Average Vote: 4.25
05/26/2005 Front: I'd pictured this at night. This sentence, "He didn't understand the symbol in his feet..." was excellent. I'll have to vote tomorrow when I'm sober, assuming it gets even better after a few reads.
05/26/2005 Mr. Pony: I declare this instant short to bear the stain of quality. I, too will refrain from voting until I sober up.
05/26/2005 anonymous: Unintentionally clumsy?: "It was the front steps in front of an old house built in an old neighborhood and the ice in the glass was melted."
05/26/2005 Pix (5): ...
05/26/2005 John Slocum (4): great ending.
05/26/2005 TheBuyer: David doesn't get things.
05/26/2005 Mr. Pony: This is weird; I'm still drunk.
05/26/2005 Front: I started to sober up and quickly had a whiskey. Pony, can I pour you something? Aside, this is still great.
05/26/2005 Mr. Pony: No, I think I might need a doctor.
05/26/2005 Front: What type of doctor?
05/26/2005 Front (5): Author, thank you.
05/26/2005 anonymous: Thank you, Front. You.
05/26/2005 Front: Author, do you know the sounds made by the alien characters on Sesame Street? ("yip yip yip... uh HUH, uh HUH.")
05/26/2005 anonymous: Yes, I'm making them right now.
05/26/2005 qualcomm (4): this short is kind of interesting, but i think it may be a hall of mirrors. feels kind of delilloesque. i'unno. can't give points for opacity alone, but there are some good moments in here. possible lodesign.
05/26/2005 Klause Muppet: This short is creepy.
05/26/2005 Front: I love those sounds.
05/26/2005 John Slocum: Snow anyone?
05/26/2005 Jon Matza (3.5): Sorry, might be good but too literary & elliptical for my philistiney tastes.
05/26/2005 Jawbreaker (4):
05/27/2005 Litcube (4): Enjoyed this.
05/27/2005 Klause Muppet (4.5): I read this a few times looking for some sort of hidden joke... didn't find it.
I really liked it though. It's a wicked mood piece. Is David's last name Lynch?