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So one time I was at a bar trying to score with this hot chick, and she totally wasn't having it. In fact, she threw a drink in my face. But what she didn't know was that her drink, a Beefeater and Tonic, and the oil of my skin mixed in just the right way and I turned into a chick magnet for every other broad in da joint except her! Really! By the end of the night, I'd gotten so many hummers in the bathroom I could've started a saliva factory, if anyone really needed one, you know? So anyway, this one guy was pissed off that I was getting so much head, and he punched me in the face. But what he didn't know was that my brain banged into my skull with just the right amount of force and I became the smartest man alive! So now I'm gonna go on Jeopardy and win more games than that twat Ken Jennings. And that chick who threw the drink in my face and the guy who punched me can cry in their coffee after their awful one-night stand and rue the day they were mean to me! And they can get married and live in squalor and I'll laugh, but I'll send them a honey-baked ham every Christmas!

Date Written: June 07, 2005
Author: The Rid
Average Vote: 2.9

06/9/2005 Will Disney (4): An interesting counterpiece to yesterday's Author Short. Banged around brain section got a laugh out of me.
06/9/2005 qualcomm (1.5): fuckin retard, disney
06/9/2005 TheBuyer: This actually *is* a Snapple commercial maybe Mentos.
06/9/2005 Will Disney: I dunno, I just thought it was kinda funny, qualcomm!
06/9/2005 Mr. Pony: I'm so terribly confused by the title.
06/9/2005 anonymous: I wrote this in the spirit of your short "Dan was 50,000 feet tall"! Why? Because you're the best, Mr. Pony!
06/9/2005 qualcomm: that's funny, because it sounds nothing like that short
06/9/2005 Litcube: I really hope this isn't Klause.
06/9/2005 anonymous: I know! That was the idea, but I didn't really go with it! Woo hoo! But I think it's implausible in the same way!
06/9/2005 qualcomm: no, it isn't
06/9/2005 anonymous: Oh, well!
06/9/2005 Litcube (2.5): I'm going to overlook the title of this one. The title is an error.
06/9/2005 Jawbreaker (4): After a second read and some explanation from the author I liked it. Maybe the implausibility factor was not as well executed as Pony's but still I found it humorous. Also, maybe this author wrote it quickly in order to keep up guest author quota.
06/9/2005 anonymous: Well, perhaps the title is in error (though I AM a fan of Mr. Pony!). But I think for a five-minute sweatjob, it's not so bad. I only wrote this because there was only Shane's last short in the queue. That is the only reason this short exists! Guests, blame yourselves!
06/9/2005 Shane (4): {grin}
06/9/2005 TheBuyer: it's not 'implausable' in same way [ie. 50000 feet tall, heat boner, etc..] it's just a bunch of bullshit.
06/9/2005 TheBuyer (0.5): ...oh fuck this is so bad, and those high votes are so high, and I don't have time to explain why right now but POINT FIVE POINT FIVE POINT FIVE
06/9/2005 Klause Muppet: hey guys, don't 'cha like my short? it's good, eh? pretty klausey style. thanks shane, disney and jawbreaker. you guys rule. The Buyer, you're going to hell. HELL!
06/9/2005 TheBuyer: Klause, if you wrote this short, I'll shoot this dog.

06/9/2005 Litcube: AHahahah
06/9/2005 anonymous: Shoot it! Yeah!
06/9/2005 Klause Muppet: oops. i wrote anonymously there. go ahead, shoot it.
06/9/2005 Jon Matza (3.5): I didn't mind this one. Didn't get bored, at least. Sometimes a plot that moves along efficiently compensates for a multitude of errors. Acmeans should be grateful for small blessings in these lean and hungry times.
06/9/2005 Mr. Pony (3): The title has taken me a while to get over {blush}, but I think this had some moments. I liked that the two aggressors got together in the end.
06/9/2005 Mr. Pony: {takes giant dump on floor for no good reason}
06/9/2005 Litcube: There's got to be a reason.
06/9/2005 Klause Muppet: that's right, Litcube! everyone *loves* my short! hah on you sir! i say hah.
06/9/2005 Mr. Pony: {no reason}
06/9/2005 anonymous: DISNEY, what's with the links that popped up in my short?
06/9/2005 Will Disney: What links are you talking about? Does someone else see links? Did you fix these links already? Does your computer have a VIRUS or something, author? Do you see links on other pages as well?
06/9/2005 Klause Muppet: hello! i just ate 12 tacos. after doing so i realized it was wrong of me to pretend i was the author of this short.
06/9/2005 Klause Muppet (2.5): that being said... i liked the idea but didn't think it was well executed.
06/9/2005 TheBuyer: You just saved a dog, man.
06/9/2005 anonymous: Disney - yeah, the computer in question had a crapload of spyware on it. Existed on said computer only.
06/11/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs (3.5): Heh!