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Date Written: June 16, 2005
Author: Jon Matza
Average Vote: 4.25

Comments:
06/17/2005 John Slocum (4.5): vag-stank, vag-clam and retard vag all had me laughing up a storm (ie laughing). That's what it's all about.
06/17/2005 Will Disney: retard vag! is that a new coinage?
06/17/2005 The Rid (5): Is "Choice" the highest cut of sirloin? Anyone?
06/17/2005 scoop: Fundmental flaw underpinning this series. If our "Founding Fathers" were in fact "Founding Mothers" equipped with vagi, wouldn't our political system descended into a frenzy of petty political tyranny? Ehish?
06/17/2005 anonymous: Say, Disney...any chance of fixing the "preview panel"? I owe you TIME ("cool" for 'bigtime').
06/17/2005 qualcomm: i must declare my not-so-into-this-ness
06/17/2005 Will Disney: Sure - what do you want fixed? Looks okay to me...
06/17/2005 anonymous: Never mind, seems to've fixed itself. Maybe I'm just goin' crazy! Wouldn't surprise me--I already practically am!!! ;D :D 8~D
06/17/2005 Litcube: Fuck this was funny.
06/17/2005 Klause Muppet (4):
06/17/2005 qualcomm (2.5): first of all, i want to note how hard it is to criticize something whose intentions are so stupid. so noted.

the founding fathers context for a vaginosis ad is a good idea. but other than the gross smears of color over clip art lithographs, i don't like the execution very much. in fact, the use of clip art feels a little played out, too (see my new fighting/filing technique is unstoppable), but maybe i'm just reacting to what i see as this particular short's failure.

for one thing, the "vag" joke is really old and really fratty (as i'm sure the author knows), and the founding fathers context doesn't change or improve that in any significant way. the individual jokes were unimaginative. founding beavers, retard vag, vag stank, precious folds, vag-clam: they all sound like dumb frat jokes to me, and the fact that i know the author isn't a fratty idiot just isn't enough. i know the jokes are supposed to be dumb (at least i think they are), but that alone doesn't save them.

continued in next post...
06/17/2005 qualcomm: i realize the stupidity charge could be leveled at one of my favorite shorts ever, fence guy. i'm not sure why that one works and this one doesn't: they're stupid in very similar ways. it might be that fence guy is just a more original idea than a fake ad for vag cream. i mean, there's no explanation or real-world context for fence guy. he just burst right out of matza's id. somehow, that uncanniness excuses or elevates his stream of mostly-unoriginal profanity. also, fence guy doesn't feel like a boy's club joke as much as this one (i hate to harp on the frat thing, but i think it's a serious error). i'm sure fence guy would appeal to far more men than women, but for all its vulgarity, it still doesn't have this one's nudge-nudge, butthead-like, unintelligent misogyny. for some reason, this short seems less like a parody of a summer's eve type ad than it does a misogynist version of a minstrel show. that's right: i'm defending womyn. i'm not sure how this is any different than, say, a joke advertisement about an afro hair product. [ha ha ha, those stupid women with their bows and lipstick and weird genitals] = [ha ha ha, those stupid niggers sure have funny hair]. of course, i like a good racist/genderist/agist joke as much as the next fella, but this short's single-minded focus on one such joke (and an ancient one at that) comes off as truly ignorant, somehow. maybe the simple fact is that when a racist/misigynist joke fails (as this did for me), all you're left with is the racism/misogyny, so you focus on that.

i don't think i've articulated exactly what it is that i don't like here. but i'm close. i'm so close. will continue to think...
06/17/2005 anonymous: Brother, your sense of fraternities seems based on the distorted images perpetrated by popular culture. In fact, a fraternity is merely a group of men who believe and live by the same set of values, and foster a close friendship through those values. These values bind together not only the current chapter members, but members and alumni throughout the country. Fraternity men incorporate these values in all aspects of their lives, never letting go of those beliefs. For example, Sigma Phi Epsilon's values are Virtue, Diligence, and Brotherly Love. Through self-discovery, analysis, and interaction, brothers develop skills necessary to lead balanced lives and to continue leading the fraternity world.
06/17/2005 Mr. Pony: I tend to agree with qualcomm, although I think in this case Matza is walking a fine line between actually making these fratty jokes, and making fun of himself making these fratty jokes. I believe the situation is similar to the Women's Basketball short qc is subtly referring to, but because of the intentionally stupid execution, Matza's short is able to raise the question of where the intent of the joke lies. Lately, Matza seems to be making a career out of walking this line between saying ridiculous things; and pretending to want to say these ridiculous things, and carrying the charade so far as to actually make the noises that make listeners think he is actually saying them. In a very clever way, Matza is attempting to have it both ways, and has been, for the most part, become quite adept at it; garnering both hoots from the grunting mob in the stands, and polite nods from the corduroy-blazered gentlemen enjoying brandy in the corner. (Sorry to so thoroughly deconstruct you, brother.)

The danger, however, in walking this line, is to wake up one morning with your feet firmly planted in one or the other camp. If we pretend to be something all our lives, then are we not, after all is said and done, no different from that which we were pretending to be?

So how does this short fare? Of course the bows in the hair are uninspired and brutal, but are they so criminally uninspired and brutal that they become laughable? In short, are we laughing with the short, or at it? Can we do both? Or does one side keep us from the other?
06/17/2005 Mr. Critic: Mr. Pony, your eloquence is inspiring, sir.
06/17/2005 anonymous: So...if I understand your critique correctly, you're saying that products to fight vag stank shouldn't be available to women? Your position seems to be 'using products to disguise the "natural" scent of the vagina is an insult to women; you believe that the vag smells good by default, simply because it IS a vag. I don't necessarily disagree with this view, but I think you might be surprised to learn that some WOMEN actually demand these products! Granted, perhaps they've been conditioned by the mass media (e.g., the Vaginol campaign) to feel ashamed that their vagges itch and/or emit a peculiar (though not necessarily foul or rank) odor. This raises more questions than it answers, however. Can the value of a vaginal smell or itch be judged objectively? Who, in effect, is in control of the cultural discourses by which we judge (and pass legislature governing) vag hygiene?
06/17/2005 Li'l Summer Sausage: hump
06/17/2005 TheBuyer (4.5): vadge
06/17/2005 Jawbreaker (4): This short was so much funnier the 8th time I viewed it with an audience behind me.
06/17/2005 anonymous: heh
06/17/2005 Templeton Dink: There are days on this website where the conversation is so insightful, funny and useful that I pity the great, stupid masses for not having the good fortune to discover, enjoy, and ultimately destroy it.
06/17/2005 Templeton Dink (4): Yes, vag is the correct spelling.
06/18/2005 Will Disney: vag? are you nuts? try 'vadge', dude.
06/18/2005 Mr. Pony: I believe that both spellings are accepted, Disney. For example "vadge" is accepted by charming humans with the ability to reason, and "vag" is accepted by soggy-minded knuckle-dragging tongue tuckers with lumpy foreheads.
06/20/2005 Jon Matza: You spelt it you smelt it.
06/20/2005 Mr. Pony: What's that? I couldn't understand you with your tongue tucked so far back like that.
06/20/2005 Jon Matza: I said, "95 calories never tasted so imported..."
06/22/2005 Litcube (5): I can't stop laughing.
08/16/2005 Dylan Danko (5): I agree with Slocum's first comment.
08/16/2005 Dylan Danko: I agree with Slocum's first comment.
09/6/2005 anonymous: Mr. Pony, why do you so often bring up Women's Basketball?
09/6/2005 Mr. Pony: Why are you pretending to be Cabot?
09/6/2005 anonymous: I am not pretending to be Cabot. Women's Basketball is a favorite topic of yours. Do you love women's basketball?
09/6/2005 Mr. Pony: Why else would you ask this question anonymously? Stop pretending to be Cabot. No one's buying it. Also, it's disrespectful. Why did you think people would be fooled?
09/6/2005 anonymous: Hey, maybe he really isn't Cabot.
09/6/2005 Mr. Pony: That's what I'm saying!
09/6/2005 anonymous: I'm not Cabot. And you're avoiding the question.
09/6/2005 Mr. Pony: I know you're not Cabot. What does it take to get through to you?
09/6/2005 The Rid: Hey, I'll ask: Pony, why do you so often bring up Women's Basketball?
09/6/2005 Mr. Pony: I'm glad you asked, Rid; and I'll tell you why: I agree that I bring up that short more than most, and I'll tell you why: I spent a good day and then some arguing my point on that short. I don't give one-star ratings (which were the lowest possible vote at the time) terribly often, and when I do I like to explain why. A couple of folks thought that Women's Basketball was pretty funny, agreein' with the premise and hi-fivin' it and everything, but I thought the short was pretty worthless, and furthermore. made the world a less good place, and I'll tell you why: It was fratty, pure and simple. The thing took a real easy target and took the easiest possible shots at it. I don't give a goddamn about professional sports, but to sit and listen to someone drone (really, drone) on about why men's basketball is so much better than women's basketball and expect laughs/hell yeahs/accolades for insight is really too much to ask of a fella like me. Not that it's really about sports. I just don't have the time for that sort of thing. Anyway, I bring up the short here because I believe qualcomm accused Matza of the same thing (a view which I don't necessarily share, incidentally). Now Rid, the next time you think it'll be funny to pretend to be Cabot, and even go so far as logging in as Mr. Negative to post an anonymous comment from the peanut gallery to confuse the issue, you think again, you hear? No one's buyin' it.
09/6/2005 anonymous: What?
09/6/2005 anonymous: Huh?
09/6/2005 The Rid: Pony, I was neither trying to be funny, nor was I pretending to be Cabot. I was simply trying to avoid some of the snarkiness that you liberally spread in response to a Rid query/comment.
09/6/2005 Mr. Pony: Well, then this exchange should prove that any "snarkiness" you're detecting has more to do with what you're saying said than the fact that you're saying it. It could also prove that this "snarkiness" is entirely in your head!
09/6/2005 Sergis Bauer: Yes, Rid, all in your head... all in your head... now kindly tell Sergis where you've hidden the jewels before you kill yourself!
09/6/2005 scoop: Hey! Sergis Bauer long time no see, guy. Working hard or hardly working?
09/6/2005 Sergis Bauer: Silence, you guttersnipe, you ridiculous tradesman! Let your upstart tonguewaggling be put to more fruitful use than the mongering of rumor, and polish Sergis Bauer's boots! And when you're quite finished, focus that absinthe-addled mind of yours for one second and tell Sergis... tell Sergis Bauer where you've hidden the beautiful jewels!
09/6/2005 TREE: I got some jewels for you Bauer. Just bring your tongue over here and polish them.
09/6/2005 scoop: Oh, TREE. You really are a jerk. He's not making a crass reference to genetalia, buddy. This Bauer guy is looking for actual jewels, precious stones stolen and stashed somewhere in a secret place. The location of this hideout is the source of his endless consternation.
09/6/2005 Mr. Pony: Whoa, dude; I'm not sure that's what TREE was getting at. I've never heard of people polishing gemstones with saliva, but it's certainly not out of the realm of possibility. I just don't think it's fair to jump all over TREE just because you're a perv.
09/6/2005 TREE: Yes scoop I really are a jerk. These are precious stones that are hiden from most of the world. Their beauty is displayed for a very select few. If Sergis has no jewels of his own I can understand why he is such an ass.
09/6/2005 Embarrassed Silence:
02/20/2011 Marvin_Bernstein (4): this is what it's all about