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I have an horrible odor, but I don't mind. You should, it's absolutely repellent. I stink for the good of mankind, to protect everyone on the planet from a brutal end at the hands of my nemesis, the Despot Ghana Xi-Cockalope. He is the second son of the Zealot Ghana Xi-Vagavore, a force so evil that the pure goo essence of hate leeched from his pores like thirty weight motor oil. The hate tastes like an old, rotten rummy, stewing in the gutter; I know, I've swallowed it. I stole the sinister funk of the Zealot Xi-Vagavore, his legacy of vile slop sits deep inside my stomach foot and is now both my prison and my chrysalis. In this case, a great phoenix of pure, seething hate will rise from me and smash from the earth the greatest evil it [the earth, not the phoenix of seething hate] has ever known and it will kill me as it rises. I killed him, Zealot Xi-Vagavore, and stole the slime, and thus carry the weight, the burden, the smell. The licking was the worst part. My name is not important. Okay, it's Ladislas, after the great Hungarian warrior which drove back the vile Cumanian rapists and but really, it doesn't matter. The important thing is that the Despot Ghana Xi-Cockalope, son of the Zealot Xi-Vagavore never be allowed to find and eviscerate me and take back the hateslime secreted away in my stomach foot.

Date Written: June 17, 2005
Author: Templeton Dink
Average Vote: 4

Comments:
06/24/2005 TheBuyer: Is that first 'an' an "an" an or an "an" an?
06/24/2005 anonymous: The standard use of the word.
06/24/2005 Mr. Pony: I think you only have to do that when the "h" is unaspirated.
06/24/2005 Klause Muppet: Dudes, don't miss this.
06/24/2005 TheBuyer: This is a damn Dramblegumper, innit it?
06/24/2005 Klause Muppet: Graylick writes the best shorts!
06/24/2005 The Rid: Hey, this short has an horrible odor, too! All should mind.
06/24/2005 TheBuyer: Despots, Zealots, Cockovores...what the fuck is going on here?
06/24/2005 Mr. Pony: I spent some time trying to figure out if this was a reliable narrator before I realized that it sort of didn't matter.
06/24/2005 TheBuyer: I'm going to hold my vote and base it on how much I value the author as a person or persons.
06/25/2005 qualcomm: i'll say this: "My name is not important. Okay, it's Ladislas" is funny.
06/25/2005 Klause Muppet: Welcome back DINK!
06/25/2005 Mr. Pony: Temp, this short is really crazy.
06/28/2005 Litcube: YOU'RE really crazy.
07/1/2005 scoop (4): That parenthetical, JUXTAPOSED with the rest of the tone, is a nice touch. A little torn on this. On the one hand it *is* something different, something fresh, something je ne se quoish. On the other hand, vis a vis, it is also sort of impenetrable.