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Okay so all these retards were on this bus. There was a fat mongoloid girl and her fat boyfriend and their names were both Patty. Patty's retardation is that he is deaf. There was this other kid with gimped emotions and only one knee named Ross, but he says he’s special, so Special Ross. Then there’s Leonard Freeze, that’s his name; generic tard. He has bunions, he sits on the back of the bus and plays with his feet.
The bus is from the Seansame Street Retard Hut [“Sane Sammy” is how that word is pronounced except run it all together like “sansammee”]. One time, the non-retarded bus driver was driving all the retards to the cliff park to see the kite flying show way up at the top of the cliff. He saw Leonard Freeze fucking around with his feet in the mirror and barfed on the windshield and drove off the cliff and he killed all the retards. The driver crawled away from the wreckage to a gas station because he lived. Then he invented Big Macs because when he was dying (he died by the way) he said to the guy at the gas station, he said, “Two obese Pattys, Special Ross, Leonard Freeze picking bunions on Seansame Street Bus” and that guy was McDonald.
That is why retards are always hungry.
Date Written: June 20, 2005Comments:
Average Vote: 2.625
06/24/2005 Kenji X: Gah
06/24/2005 Jon Matza (2.5): I "get" that the absurd lengths the awe-thourre has gone to set up the forced/bad pun is a large percentage of the joke here...but that doesn't mean I liked it. I did, howev, like "Patty's retardation is that he is deaf".
06/24/2005 scoop: It seems like the author has some first hand experience with this retardation business.
06/24/2005 anonymous: Yes!
06/24/2005 qualcomm: hopefully i'm not stating the obvious, but i think the point of this thing is an idiot's/kid's telling a very old joke. (look up "picking bunions" and "big mac" on google). not sure how to feel about that. we at acme generally don't dig that shit. author?
06/24/2005 anonymous: Yes, what can I do for you?
06/24/2005 anonymous: You're pretty much right on, qualcomm. It's an old, but not too too familiar retard joke as told by a retard to a bunch of retards in an on-purpose stupid way. Also, it's a vehicle for, "Patty's retardation is that he is deaf." which is something I've had stuck in my head for a while.
06/24/2005 Mr. Pony (2.5): Like Matza (and unlike qualcomm) I also get that the joke here is about the profoundly clumsy setup of an ultimately stupid gag. The last line, though, takes us in a different and not entirely successful direction. I would have liked something that really punctuated the fact that my time had just been thoroughly wasted, rather than the "just-so" ending. Please accept this 2.5. It should be viewed as a slightly higher 2.5 than Matza's.
06/24/2005 scoop: Why're you guys being so mean to the retard?
06/24/2005 anonymous: This will be held up as an example of how an object of pure, speckled tardart is almost always undervalued.
06/24/2005 qualcomm (2):
06/24/2005 anonymous: See?
06/24/2005 Klause Muppet: Dudes, check this
06/24/2005 The Rid: So if it's an intentionally clumsy telling of a joke everyone's heard, does it get points for achieving that goal? Or does it lose points for being unintentionally unfunny?
06/24/2005 anonymous: If you rephrase that entire comment as a statement and not a rhetorical question, I'll respond to it in kind.
06/24/2005 anonymous: Anyhow, even if you have heard the [stupid] joke before, I thought I told it pretty funny.
06/24/2005 Yahzick: THe way you told it *totally* made me get a Big Mac. Was that your intent, awthir?
06/24/2005 TheBuyer: Yes, Special Yahzick, yes it was my intent to make you want to eat the retard chow from the fast food res-ta-ront.
06/24/2005 anonymous: Hey, mine too!
06/24/2005 Klause Muppet: How embarrassing!
06/27/2005 Kenji X (3.5): (For not practicing segregation) Fuck, I ate a Big Mac yesterday without even thinking about it. I call Fraud. Where's my free iPod?
06/27/2005 TheBuyer: Any time, Kenji!
Hey, you're not one of those freedom hating weirdos you see on tv or anything like that are you? Because those people should be segregated and made to eat happy meals until they want the democracy.
06/27/2005 Kenji X: Freedom's just another word for open marriage. Against it? Hell I invented it.