home authors guest shorts graphical shorts
Quetlzcan climbed the stone steps of the pyramid. His subjects, thousands of them, bowed on their hands and knees on the dusty ground at the base of the pyramid. Quetlzcan’s robe was trimmed in gold and decorated with painted teeth taken from fallen enemies, mainly from those dumb Chichen Atta fuckers from across the valley.
Quetlzcan took another step up the pyramid. The sun beat down on him.
“Sun God – Sun God – Sun God,” the people below were chanting.
Quetlzcan went to take another step and then tripped, falling forward onto his face. He fell to the side and then rolled down a few steps. His golden robes came undone as he rolled, exposing him to the masses.
This was Quetlzcan’s problem – that he was a loser. A goddamned LOSER.
Date Written: March 20, 2003Comments:
Author: Will Disney
Average Vote: 3.6
03/20/2003 anonymous (1):
03/20/2003 anonymous (5):
03/20/2003 anonymous (1):
06/7/2004 Ewan Snow (4): Chuckle, chuckle...
06/7/2004 TheBuyer (4): I second.
06/7/2004 John Slocum (4): Excellent! I thought the final paragraph could have packed more of a wallop, but very funny. Can you pronounce Quetlzcan?
08/7/2004 scoop (4): Those Chicnen Atta fuckers suck.
01/26/2005 Mr. Pony (5):
01/26/2005 qualcomm: see now, pony, i see this as the sort of tone mixing you decried in your comments on today's morning short. the whole point of this joke/short is the tone shift at the end. there's just nothing more to it.
01/26/2005 Will Disney: there's more to it, you idiot.
01/26/2005 qualcomm: okay, that and the fact that you don't expect the god-on-earth to trip. i'm not criticizing this short, disney. i'm just interested in pony's rating, given what he said this morning. now get back under acme's hood, you fucking grease monkey.
01/26/2005 Will Disney: okay!
01/26/2005 Mr. Pony: Look, I said you were probably right, didn't I? What do you want from me, you monster? Anyway, look a little closer, there's really no tone mixing at all this one. Maybe the tone's incongruous to the subject matter, but there's no annoying self-conscious shift in tone (not that all tone shifts are annoying, but the one that wasn't here was). There's way more to this one. "Sun God - Sun God..." -- That's pretty thousand-year-old duck egg, wouldn't you say, old chap? Dicknut?
01/26/2005 qualcomm: of course there's tone mixing. "dumb chichen atta fuckers" is what we english majors call infected language: that is, narrative language that's supposed to reflect not only the thoughts of a character, but how he's saying/thinking it. now, would an actual south/meso american king really refer to another tribe as "those dumb Chichen Atta fuckers from across the valley"? nope. tone mix. same goes for the last line: that's clearly quetlzcan beating up on himself there, in a way that's not very period. so if YOU look a little closer, you condescending mexican, YOU will see that there really IS tone mixing. also, what's so great about "Sun God - Sun God..."? i don't even think disney meant that to be funny. it was just necessary buildup to the final gag.
01/26/2005 Mr. Pony: Hey, buddy, I think we're talking about two different things here. To be fair, though, I think I'm about as far off from what you're saying as you are from what I'm saying.
01/26/2005 qualcomm: why, you think i'm citing examples of anachronisms that aren't strictly tonal shifts?
01/26/2005 qualcomm: and why is "Sun God - Sun God..." so woodpile?
01/26/2005 Mr. Pony: Pretty much, but I can see how this short has sort of an implied tonal shift. Also, I don't think I ever said that all tonal shifts are bad. In fact, I believe I said that sometimes they're funny, so I'm unclear as to why you are trying to catch me red-handed five-starring one.
01/26/2005 Mr. Pony: Hey, now, easy, I never said it was woodpile! I like it because it's just a simultaneously stupid and reasonable thing for people to be chanting. I think it's a very Disney move.
01/26/2005 qualcomm: i know you didn't say all tonal shifts are bad. but you did say: "As for the mixed tone, I agree that it might be a sustainable form of writing, but wouldn't you agree that most of the time it is used as a device, for the same effect? I'm stuffy I'm stuffy I'm stuffy I'm STREET!"
the tonal shifts in disney's short here, rely on just this sort of 'sucker punch' dynamic. the first one comes out of nowhere at the end of a rather serious graf. then the narration goes back into straight man voice (even while describing Q's pratfall) until the final, tonally errored last sentence.
01/26/2005 Mr. Pony: Hey, you're the one going on and on about how this is a tonal shift, not me.
01/26/2005 Will Disney: you're wrong, qualcomm!
01/26/2005 qualcomm: disney: get... back... under... hood! pony: yes, i am going on and on about it because in my opinion this short (which you 5ed) employs the very sucker punch tonal dynamic you criticized this morning.
01/26/2005 Jon Matza (4): qc, are you saying the last sentence a) doesn't work, or b) is an example of a tonal shift? (If a, you are correct.) On the other hand, I thought the sun god chant was funny, and intentionally so. Funny because in 'reality' they'd be chanting his name, not the words "sun god". It'd be like ecstatic Jeter fans chanting "Shortstop! Shortstop!"
01/26/2005 Jon Matza: ...not that I'm saying b) is wrong. (either way I suspect --though am not sure-- this is a fruitless argument.)
01/26/2005 qualcomm: i meant b), it is an example of a tonal shift. and i don't think the people would call him by his name. do english-speaking judeo-christians call god yahweh, or jehovah? no, they call him God.
01/26/2005 Jon Matza: We're talking polytheism, brother, not one-too-mint-to-be-named-god monotheism.
01/26/2005 qualcomm: i still don't think it's as wacky as it may at first appear, and i'll wager that disney did not intend it as such.
01/26/2005 Jon Matza: You may be right. FU Disney!
01/26/2005 qualcomm: also, i think his god-name actually is Sun God. his birth mommy name is Quetc.
01/26/2005 Ewan Snow: Good point, Matza. They did call Apollo "Apollo", after all, etc. But I don't think that line was supposed to be funny per se. It was more a buildup for the pratfall, as I read it. Hey Disney, get out from under the clitoral hood and explicate, not just explicate, but tell us what your intention was for each of the lines in question.
01/26/2005 Litcube (4): Charming.
01/26/2005 John Slocum: the name is actually quetzlcoatl. Disney got it wrong. Quetzlcoatl is short for pfineous, he's a cat-god.
01/27/2005 Dark Pony: You fucking blowhards. Anyone have anything else to add? Jesus fucking christ.