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Gallston, WVa. -- A lone miner trapped beneath tons of rock following a coal mine cave-in was rescued yesterday after spending 10 days with only the lunch he carried when he arrived for work and drinking water collected from the walls of what could have been his dark tomb. Sadly, a second miner, Charles "Charlie" Wilson did not survive the ordeal.
-- 20 minutes before the rescue --
"Hey Earl, I just had another idea. You know what would be really funny? A TV show about these two miners trapped in a cave-in just like you an' me. Don'tcha think that'd be funny? Don'tcha think, Earl? Huh? Don'tcha think? You 'n me could write the darn thing ourselves. I'm sure there'll be all sorts of Hollywood folk up top jus' itchin' to give us a millern dollars fer our stories, right? Right, Earl? Dont'cha think? Earl? You know what I'm gonna do with my half of the millern dollars when we get rescued? You wanna guess? Go ahead and guess. Go ahead, Earl. Go ahead and guess. Go ahead. ... A new car, and not one a them hybird cars neither, but one a them gas-suckers 'cause with a half-a-millern dollars I could buy a lot of gas -- hell, I could buy gas from those a-rabs direct-like and cut out the middle man. That's the best way to do business, Earl, cut out the middle man. Don'tcha think, Earl? Don'tcha? Earl? When them TV people want to negotiate our pay for sellin' our stories, let me be your agent so we don't have to hire none fer 10 percent. Cut out the middle man, see Earl? You stick with me and we'll go places. Partners for life buddy, ow ... the fuck was that a rock?"
Date Written: June 28, 2005Comments:
Author: Kenji X
Average Vote: 3.08333
07/12/2005 Will Disney: i'm going to read this one now.
07/12/2005 Will Disney: yes, charlie, that was a rock!
07/12/2005 TheBuyer: Fucking Earl. He did the same thing to me.
07/12/2005 Klause Muppet: So Earl kills Charles, Earl is rescued, and Charles was annoying?
07/12/2005 TheBuyer: Or he wanted to steal that sweet idea for a sitcom.
07/12/2005 TheBuyer (3): gentlemnz three.
07/12/2005 The Rid (2): No.
07/12/2005 Litcube (3): I didn't think this was half bad.
07/12/2005 TheBuyer: No, not bad, really. The concept isn't that bad, but the execution kind of cuts its nuts off, and you know how much I like nuts. The last line gets a laugh out of me too, meaning 'as well' or 'also'.
So, Litcube, what do you suppose The Rid meant by 'No.'?
07/12/2005 Litcube: Well, TheBuyer, I'm glad you asked. I think what we have here is an example of The Rid expressing himself in a manner so unambiguous, so unequivocal, so undeniably based on solid reason, that I just farted.
07/12/2005 The Rid: Hey, I just farted, too, 'Cube!
07/13/2005 John Slocum (5): What's wrong with you guys? This is fucking funny. I'm laughing all the way through writing this comment.
07/13/2005 John Slocum: TheBuyer: What's wrong with the execution, you dirty fucking jewbag? That's what's funny, the fucking execution. And the tenacity.
07/13/2005 John Slocum: Still laughing.
07/13/2005 John Slocum: still laughing. Thanks floongiX!
07/13/2005 TheBuyer: get jewed, jew, it was close but not quite, I'm still a kenji fan because I like jewjaps, jew.
07/13/2005 Kenji X: Keep your anti-semitism comments where they belong, on the Anti-Semite Joke Section of this site. Thank you.
07/13/2005 Jon Matza: I thought Charles "Charlie" Wilson was pretty a double-licious gag.
07/13/2005 qualcomm: goddamn. you guys really are a package deal.
07/13/2005 Jon Matza (5):
07/14/2005 John Slocum: still fucking laughing.
07/14/2005 Dick Vomit: calling ripoff on "package deal" qc
07/14/2005 qualcomm: yeah, i did rip that off. i was going to cite you, but then i figured, why bother? (see how well it worked, by the way?)
07/14/2005 Jon Matza: It certainly did! (Except for your bizarre misread of Kenji X's identity.)
08/3/2005 qualcomm (0.5):
08/3/2005 qualcomm: what misread?
08/3/2005 Jon Matza: The author isn't the person I assumed you thought he was, but maybe I was wrong. (in fact I don't know who he is, just who--at least one person--he isn't). But if he's from my hometown he must be all right!
08/3/2005 Mr. Pony: Hey, what are you guys talking about?
08/3/2005 Jon Matza: Please don't interfere with this, Pony.
08/3/2005 Mr. Pony: Okay, but let me know how it turns out.