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Sir Johnsberry stood with sword drawn as the dragon approached the village. The villagers stood safely behind him. The dragon approached, spotted them, and began to charge, orange flames coming out of its mouth. Sir Johnsberry stood his ground. The dragon bared opened its terrible maw and moved to attack. Sir Johnsberry thrust his sword straight into the dragon’s heart. The dragon fell to the ground, slain.
The villagers cheered. “All hail Sir Johnsberry.”
Johnsberry nodded to them. Then he turned to the dead dragon. “Once you put fear into the hearts of these good people. No longer shall you do so!” He took his sword and once again stabbed the dragon.
The villagers cheered.
“Once you attempted to eat these good people. And now, your very innards are spilled on the road!” Sir Johnsberry sliced open the dragon’s belly and its guts spilled onto the road.
"Huzzah!" said the villagers.
“Once you watched these good people from far off, planning your attack. And now, I cut your eyes!” Sir Johnsberry cut out the dragon’s eyes and held them in his hand. “And I stick my fingers into your eye sockets!”
The villagers began to quiet down.
“Once you tried to fuck these good people where they lived! And now you will be the one who is fucked, by me, and I will stab you with my sword simulatenously whilst I am doing it! It is you who will be fucked and stabbed! Ohhh God!”
Date Written: July 09, 2005Comments:
Author: Will Disney
Average Vote: 4
07/12/2005 Will Disney: What happened next, author?
07/12/2005 The Rid: Stupid but very funny.
07/12/2005 qualcomm (3): the idea is pretty clever, but i don't like the execution. there's basically only one joke, and you can see it coming from the middle of the short.
07/12/2005 qualcomm: but i really appreciate your effort!
07/12/2005 anonymous: Thanks, qualcomm!
07/12/2005 TheBuyer (3.5): Kind of a treatment for the punchline of an old joke.
but do they call me Sir Johnsberry The Fence Bulder? No. Do they call me Sir Johnsberry The Crusador? No. And all this, I own it all, and do they call me Sir Johnsberry the Landowner? No. But you fuck one dragon...
07/12/2005 scoop: Hey did they use wet water to put out the orange flames, you jerk, urthur?
07/12/2005 anonymous: ha! yeah i knew that was bad. i was trying to make it old timey, but, you know, failed.
07/12/2005 Universal Mean: Flames can be blue !
07/12/2005 Klause Muppet (5): I think it's great!
07/12/2005 Kenji X (5): I enjoyed it, laughed 'till I choked, which when having bronchitis isn't hard, and yes, saw the joke coming but was not disappointed when it hit. I protest a reader issuing a low vote because he or she may be familiar with the joke style -- or even the joke. A well executed joke that is funny, structurally sound and well-meaning deserves its proper reward. Like what Hitler did in Poland. 5 stars to balance QC's low vote.
07/12/2005 TheBuyer: Man, this would be a great time to link to "Mr. Pony 3" in the glossary.
07/12/2005 qualcomm: i believe what you just described, kenji, is basically a definition of hack work (telling an old joke, but doing a competent job of it). that said, i never heard this joke before, and i don't fault its structure. i thought it was a somewhat boringly written joke with a single punchline that i saw coming. ie, i didn't think it was very well executed. hence, not funny for me. also, what's this shit about "well-meaning?" what does that mean?
07/12/2005 qualcomm: in fact, i submit that when you see the punchline coming, the joke is by definition not very well executed.
07/12/2005 anonymous: it's also a psychological exploration of the protagonist.
07/12/2005 qualcomm: more like proctological
07/12/2005 Jon Matza (4.5): Nutritious; well-prepared; ample dispersion of flavor nodules; free of esophagal tissue-dehancing toxins; adroit plating. Olive Garden calibre, preactically.
07/12/2005 Jon Matza: I mean preactologically.
07/12/2005 Mr. Pony (3): I agree wholeheartedly with the content of Herr Matza's assessment. A star or so off to make up for Kenji's corrective five.
07/12/2005 The Rid (4.5):
07/12/2005 anonymous: Isn't the process of corrective voting essentially stuffing the ballot box? Seems unfair/intellectually dishonest/boorish to impose this subjectively just compensation... Water, even from a septic tank, rises to its own level.
07/12/2005 TheBuyer: douche water too. douche.
07/12/2005 qualcomm: why are you posting anonymously, pony?
07/12/2005 anonymous: I think you mean posturing anonymously.
07/12/2005 anonymous: That wasn't me, you jackass, and that Mata-after-a-stroke posturing joke should prove it. Also, I was never a part of the original corrective voting debate, although my earlier comment was intended to ridicule the concept. Therefore: I believe Matza has had a stroke, and we should do something.
07/12/2005 anonymous: I'm Mr. Pony. See? See my bees? Thirty-two and three quarters bees.
07/12/2005 scoop (3): Three stars.
07/12/2005 Kenji X: QC: By that strain of logic, once you've heard a few dozen jokes, then you've likely heard all of them -- at least structure-wise. The mistaken identity joke, the misheard word joke, the bad translation joke, the 'oh and by the way he's gay' joke, the punchline from out of left field joke, etc., etc. If someone were enterprising enough to categorize every type of joke, and we were to read them, then there would be a strong likelihood that upon hearing the set up for any joke, we'd know what punchline was coming. Look through any of the shorts on this site, or listen to the average comedian on Comedy Central or in a club and the jokes all -- at heart -- stem from a few main branches on the comedy tree. Your comment that I took issue with was that despite your describing the short's idea as clever, you thought the execution was poor, which prompted the three-star rating. I shouldn't hold you to my style of critiquing (where if I read an old joke, though well told, and I like the joke then I'll rate it high) and I agree with anon_user_a's take on corrective ratings (I'm not likely to do it again). So do I like hearing the same jokes over and over again? Not really. But based on the structure, do I end up hearing the same joke often? Of course. I feel the idea for this short is both clever and old at the same time, as was pointed out by TheBuyer. However I thought it was delivered well and for me it generated a laugh. As for what I meant by well-meaning, I appreciated the awfur's attempt to build the short to a payoff, despite the payoff being easy to guess. I'm glad it didn't rely on a cheap shot for the punchline, or have its meaning so obscure that I would be on the outside of the joke. That's not to say I don't think it could have been better, or shorter, but I do appreciate the effort. Seeing as how Mr. Pony low voted to correct my vengance-driven high vote, I feel comfortable enough to sleep soundly tonight.
07/12/2005 anonymous: I wasn't actually correcting for your vote, though. I was pointing out the silliness of the concept of corrective voting by taking it to an extreme conclusion. Surely you're familiar with that joke!
07/12/2005 anonymous: Eeeeyuh, look at me, I'm Mr. Pony! Eyuuuuuh! I care about stuff! I believe in people! I want each and every one of you to be the best you can be! Eeeeeyuuh! I may not agree with what you have to say, but I'll listen and hear you out with an open mind and an accepting heart! We're all in this together! Eeeeeyuhhhh! Eyuuuh!
07/13/2005 anonymous: Stop making fun of me, damnithead! Bzzzzzz bzzzz bzzz.
07/13/2005 John Slocum (4.5): A very enjoyable and funny read. Good ole Disney!
07/13/2005 Klause Muppet: i like you, Keni-g
07/13/2005 anonymous: Yeah, I never thought I'd see it, but he really put ol' qualcomm in his place!
07/13/2005 anonymous: This is Pony, by the way.
07/13/2005 qualcomm: kenji, i wasn't talking about joke structure, of course. that would be stupid. i was referring to your comment that even a joke you're familiar with is worth hearing again. maybe in "real life," but here on acme, i'd definitely dock it some points. i think you're deluded with, "If someone were enterprising enough to categorize every type of joke, and we were to read them, then there would be a strong likelihood that upon hearing the set up for any joke, we'd know what punchline was coming." part of the reason for coming up with new jokes, instead of just if the person telling it had good intentions) is that with a new one, you can't see the punchline coming, even if you know the category it's in. finally, you keep saying that i rated the short poorly despite its clever idea and well-toldness. but as i've indicated a couple times already, i don't think it's well-told.
07/13/2005 qualcomm: also, not all the shorts here on acme are "jokes." most of the really good ones have humor in them that, if it had to be categorized in your museum curator's brain, would maybe fit into the surreal or madcap section. such humor doesn't really have a punchline to see coming. maybe that's why i like it.
07/13/2005 qualcomm: for example, the excellent jibley.
07/13/2005 qualcomm: (something happened to the parenthetical near the end of my first post. i'unno.)
07/13/2005 Dylan Danko: what's the clever idea here?
07/13/2005 Mr. Pony: Boy, there's some great stuff in the comments for that "Jibley" short. Like where Slappy White proves that qualcomm is a racist.
07/13/2005 qualcomm: by the by, author, if i'd been you, i would have left out the perfunctorily written first paragraph. you could have instead just started it with something like, "Sir Johnsberry stood atop the slain dragon." like, in media res, asshole. or you could have written the first graph like, less perfunctorily.
07/13/2005 scoop: qualcomm it seems like Kenji X has you nailed and now your trying wriggling around like a struggling insect in its final death throes. You failed to confront any number of Kenji's salient points. The fact that the short was delivered well for Kenji X? Or the author's attmept to build the short to a payoff, despite the short's punchline being telegraphed? i.e. "payoff being easy to guess [for Kenji X]." You also dodged him on the fact that Disney made no attempt to obscure the meaning of the dragon short so Kenji X wouldn't be on the outside of the joke. These are all devastating points and I think you're using your crafty semitic acrobatic skills to dodge. You're using your clout as an author to bat away this new guests' points as if they were just gnats. I'm not going to stand for it. No siree bobarino.
07/13/2005 anonymous: I've never seen qc just lie down and show his belly like this. It's eerie.
07/13/2005 anonymous: Yes I have.
07/13/2005 anonymous: I said that!!!
W. Mark Felt.
07/13/2005 anonymous: I distrust minorities!
07/13/2005 Kenji X: I'm sorry QC if I wrongly attributed likingness to the short on your part, and I concur, most of the shorts aren't "jokes" per se, but semi-autobiographical fictive pieces with humor in them. And did your ego just cite one of your own shorts as being an "excellent" example of madcap humor or surrealism? Man, that's a check not even my ass is big enough to cash. I say to thee, bravo. (I can't believe anyone would read that gasbag response I posted.)
07/16/2005 Ewan Snow (4): Yeah, you could see it coming, cuz the joke is just a progression, but on reading this I smirked a dry, calm smirk, then looked off into the distance with an intelligent look on my face, so 4 stars!