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Dearest Dr. Virakrishira: It was so great seeing you last night. I probably shouldn’t tell you this (I don't want you to know all my secrets!) but I have to admit it took my breath away when you told me how “it cannot be stressed enough by the Board the extent to which the severity of the actions and events you alluded to in your last letter will impact our plans going forward into FY05 with regards to the management of those segments of the business known heretofore as ‘Sector Unit Infrastructures A through M’.” What's more, as long as I live I can't imagine ever forgetting the moment on the Mass Ave bridge when you looked me in the eyes and said, “…pursuant to the receipt of the monies past due from the authority vested within both segments of the governing body, except insofar as those influences are deemed to be “irrelevancies” or “negligible” as defined by rider B105 (III.A.ix.l) of the initial contract provided by the Company’s insurance policy (notwithstanding the overall balance at the time of the transaction with respect to the interest rate and other “non-tangible” factors)”! It was as if you'd read my mind… you knew just what to say to put me at ease. Finally, I'm still savoring the thought of how, once we got back to my apartment, you kicked me in the nutsac and, as I vomited, gently whispered “…consequentally [sic] we propose that going forward into the next financial year those assets owned or leased by the parent company be placed in an escrow account to be administered by the legal counsel of the aforementioned trust, unless conditions 1A-1F are not met, under which circumstances this document shall be considered null and void.” Knowing me I’ll be replaying these moments in my mind on endless loop every moment until our meeting next Tuesday! How shall I ever make it until then? (If you have any suggestions please let me know!) xox, Sgt. Uranes

Date Written: July 13, 2005
Author: Jon Matza
Average Vote: 4.16667

Comments:
07/14/2005 John Slocum (4): hear hear! lots of laughs.
07/14/2005 John Slocum: 'kicked me in the nutsac' is nutsac.
07/14/2005 John Slocum: 'kicked me in the nutsac' is nutsac.
07/14/2005 qualcomm (4):
07/14/2005 Mr. Pony (4): I think it's time for you to get a new job; one where you work with children or large animals like elephants or dolphins.
07/14/2005 John Slocum: why the reference to the Mass Ave Bridge, yuythyr?
07/14/2005 Klause Muppet (4): 'za, you make business sexy!
07/14/2005 Ewan Snow (4): Yes, a 4. I think this would have been a little better if the examples of biz speak were trimmed a bit. Towards the end I felt the need to skim. Good idea, though.
07/15/2005 Dylan Danko (5):