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I fucked Derek Jeter once. I'm not Gay. I was just drunk. Well... drunk and I think I got caught up in the “celebrity “ of the thing. I was seduced by the aura of the great Derek Jeter. I met him and all I could see were those pinstripes the 26 championships and all that. I met him at a bar in the Bronx. I was drunk outta my head so I didn't notice him at first or if I did I had no idea it was Jeets. He looks nothing like he does on TV. First off he can't be taller than 5'6". Also, being bi-racial, I expected him to be olive skinned but in the bar he looked straight-up Hispanic. Most surprising was his full beard and many tattoos. These are the things you don't catch on the batter's box cam. In fact I wouldn't have known it was Jeter at all if it weren't for the fact he was wearing his Yankees jersey with his name “Jeter” clear as day right on the back. "Hey, Jeets, you're the man I'm gonna buy you a drink." Well, he took the drink and in return I got some crazy stories; not the kinds you'd expect though. I thought he'd tell me some tales of life in the BIG LEAGUES, the road, the bars, the women… but that night Derek preferred to talk about his stint in the BIG HOUSE. You forget these guys have lives outside of baseball. Jeter, for example, spent some time in prison for assault and while there he developed an appreciation for body art, Reggae Ton, and anal sex. The latter of which I was the unsuspecting beneficiary that night. After I took one for the team I asked Jeets if maybe I could get some tickets to a game. He told me to "Fuck off" claiming he couldn't afford tickets for hiself much less some slag he just met in a bar. Which was clearly bullshit. But I understand, what's he gonna say to his PR guy, "Can I get two box seats for some guy I fucked in the men’s room of a bar last night?" I haven't turned gay or anything since then and I know a lot of guys will give me heat for takin' one in the ass Jeets or not. But that's just because they don't know what it's like to stand in the presence of greatness. What can I say? I'm a Yankees fan.
Date Written: July 14, 2005
Average Vote: 3.77778