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"Do you know how fast you were going, Mr. Thundercock?"
"It's just Thundercock. My name is Thundercock, officer."
And I do know how fast I was going, you fucking alpha-male jarhead, Thundercock thought. Can you tell time, neanderthal? Are you aware that Golden Girls starts in five minutes?
Waiting for the officer to return, Thundercock loosened his bowtie and turned up the AC. Sweat had soaked clear through his collar, exacerbating both his chronic hives and his acne. Just passing a cop in the street made him nervous; getting pulled over sent him into trembling autonomics. His GI tract rebelled. Thundercock lifted one cheek and filled the car with a stale, pumpkiny cloud.
There was a tap on the glass. Outside, the finished ticket fluttered in the cop's meaty grip.
Thundercock ran scenarios, weighing fear against embarrassment. After a brief pause, he rolled down the window, turning hot red before the policeman even had time to grimace in disgusted contempt. Thundercock took the ticket and pretended to look it over.
"Thank you," he murmured, mentally adding "asshole" at a louder volume.
The officer pulled away in his cruiser, taunting Thundercock with a bowel-loosening blast from the siren. He swallowed a mouthful of vomit and reached for his inhaler. That fart had felt moist. He (Thundercock) would have to check his briefs at home.
Date Written: July 17, 2005Comments:
Average Vote: 4.33333
07/26/2005 Dylan Danko: Gee, a Golden Girls joke. Well, i never!
07/26/2005 Will Disney: Thanks for the parenthetical help at the end there, Author!
07/26/2005 The Rid (4.5): I cracked up.
07/26/2005 Mr. Pony (4.5): This silly joke overflowed its silly container, and made me laugh all the way through.
07/26/2005 qualcomm (4): i thought you said silly name jokes were no good anymore, pony. isn't that what you said? huh? huh? isn't it?
07/26/2005 The Rid: "Thundercock." Ha!
07/26/2005 Mr. Pony: Well, that's part of what I meant by "silly container", but you must admit, this is a different kind of silly name joke than the (as far as I know) uniquely Acme gag of giving characters names consisting of a fifteen dollar non-name word (often completely irrelevant to the main thrust of the short) as a first name, and an anatomical or anatomical sounding reference prefixed or suffixed with a conventional name modifier (such as "Mc-" or "-son") as a last name. When I say that the "silly name joke" has reached it's limit on how often I'm going to be impressed by it, that's the name joke I'm talking about.
07/26/2005 TheBuyer (5): What silly name joke?
07/26/2005 Mr. Pony: Why, the Acme Name joke, of course!
07/26/2005 TheBuyer: What a useful and informative feature, Thank you!
07/26/2005 Klause Muppet (4.5): I truly enjoyed this short. From start to finish.
07/26/2005 Litcube: Hold on a second, here.
07/26/2005 The Rid: Hey, Disney's right about that parenthetical.
07/26/2005 Mr. Pony: Huh?
07/26/2005 Mr. Pony: (Dylan's right, I think. Anyone who holds The Golden Girls up as a patently lame or even embarrassing-to-watch show hasn't given it a fair shake. I mean, that's quality television that holds up even today.)
07/26/2005 TheBuyer: Ya, Pony is right, that Blanche slut is hot.
07/26/2005 The Rid: I always liked Rose. The ditzy ones can suck cak.
07/26/2005 qualcomm: i think dylan merely meant that it's an old target, not that the show is any good, pony. how dare you.
07/26/2005 Mr. Pony: Nope. Me and Dylan love the show. Yes. Betty White is the best. Thank you.
07/26/2005 Klause Muppet: Well I think we can all agree that Dorothy (Bea Arthur)sucked the most.
07/26/2005 Litcube (4): I think this was a pretty cool short. Wasn't laughing all the way through, as Klause was, but it was a pretty cool short. It would seem as though the Name Gag would have a comparatively smaller impact on me.
07/26/2005 scoop: Nothing matters anyway cause once the giant asteroid hits we're all going to be roasted in the molten heat of the unforgiving Rock Vapor. Our lush rain forests, majestic cities, mysterious oceans (along with its understandable salt) will all be vaporized, along with our hopes, dreams and boners. Sterilized. Oh but please do go on about the silly name joke.
07/26/2005 Mr. Pony: Rock Vapor. Also, I'm glad you agree.
07/26/2005 TheBuyer: Attention: I have followed the Mr. Disneylith and voted this short as my latest controversy pick even though I don't understand why. Thank you.
07/26/2005 Mr. Pony: Well, where do you stand on the Golden Girls debate?
07/26/2005 TheBuyer: That information is not found on this server.
07/26/2005 Will Disney: Wait - is this like Thundercats at all?
07/26/2005 TheBuyer: The first two lines of this short fucking rule, author.
I would like to put it to a council vote that your name be immediately changed to Thundercock, with your permission, of course.
07/26/2005 Jon Matza (3.5): Lugnut craftsmanship on a sentence to sentence/joke by joke level. However, seems to me there's a pervasive problem here--namely, the level of hostility in Thundercock's internal monologue doesn't "jibe" with all the trembling, puking, blushing & other physiological manifestations of his fright. That is, I don't buy this spineless, asthmatic sissy thinking such aggressive/angry thoughts under these circs. Therefore (though it pains me) I have no choice but to barbarically disembowel your fancy rating with this scimitar-like 3.67.
07/26/2005 Will Disney: this controversy is AWESOME!
07/26/2005 Mr. Pony: Not unentirely in the name of controversy, Matza, I must disagree with you about the possibility/impossibility of the coexistence (in one dude) of such weakness and ultimately impotent rage--after all, does the former not fuel the latter? I mean, not to whip out my degree in horse sense from the school of human behavior or anything.
07/26/2005 Mr. Pony: Disney, why can't I pick this as the controversy twice?
07/26/2005 Jon Matza: I didn't say it was impossible for fear/anger to coexist in a fellow, even an gay such as Thundercock. I could see him working himself up into a rage after the cop was gone, for example. For me, the problem is believing the "play"--as presented here, by the awetheuir--between TC's inner monologue, his physiological reactions and the short's action/plot.
07/26/2005 TheBuyer: I read Thundercock a seething ball of hate, the contrast was what made him work for all five of my coveted stars.
07/27/2005 Jon Matza: OK...now we know what it was that made him work for your coveted stars!
07/27/2005 Jon Matza: (?)
07/27/2005 TheBuyer: It's things like that that kept me out of radio.
07/27/2005 Dylan Danko: This was a rather wonderful thread of comments. I've always prefered Maud to The GG's.
08/17/2005 The Rid: "He (Thundercock) would have to check his briefs at home." Oh, man, that's good.
10/21/2013 anonymous: He was thunderstruck! hahaha