home authors guest shorts graphical shorts
"Thanks for doing this on such short notice, Mike," said Dr. Bailey.
"Yes," chimed in Mrs. Bailey, "Jillian canceled a date last week for us, so we didn't want to ask her to do that again."
"It's cool," I said. Cocksuckers. Their kid was okay, though. He slept most of the time. And I needed the money to take out Jeannie Ferraro next Friday. But they also had that tard, Susan. She was weird. What kind of 16-year-old can't watch her own brother?
The Baileys left. I put little Steven down after dinner. Then Susan the Tard came in. Christ.
"Hi, Mike," she said.
"Hi, Tard," I answered.
Her face fell, the dumb bitch. Her eyes were so close together that it was like her left eye was her right eye and her right eye was her left eye.
"I'm not a tard!" she yelled. "I have Down Syndrome!" She ran from the room, crying.
That explained a few things. She was always more eloquent than the average tard, who sounded like, "Aaaaaaarrrrrggggghhhhhh!" whereas Susan could form complete sentences and eat with a knife and fork.
I went up to her room and poked my head in the door. "Hey, Susan," I said. "Sorry I always make fun of you. I shouldn't do that."
"Well, I'm still angry at you."
"How can I make it up to you?"
"You could fuck me."
I blinked. "Huh?"
"Make love to me like Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes."
She stood up and approached me, the moonlight bouncing off her elfin ears. I knew I should run, but the way she looked into my eyes so tenderly, I kissed her. She kissed back, and it was good. No elephant tongue or anything, just soft and sweet.
After we made love, I felt something happening to me. Like chromosome 21 was doubling up. "Ack!" I screamed. I ran to the bathroom to look in the mirror. With horror I saw my eyes getting closer together and my ears getting pointier. My brain started slowing down, just a little bit, and I felt a need to wear track suits.
"Susan!" I yelled. "What's happening?"
Susan walked into the bathroom carrying little Steven. She looked normal. Like Kelly Preston, but hotter.
"What is it, Mike?" she asked. "Did you have a bad dream?"
"No!" I said. "What's going on? Why are you like that?"
"Mike, everything's okay. I have to put Steven down, but we can talk about it later before your parents get here. Okay, tard?"
My elf ears pricked up. "What?"
She smirked and I saw a glimmer of evil in her eyes. "I said, 'Okay, tard?' You think you could hear with those extra pointy ears." She cackled as she left the bathroom.
I looked in the mirror and started sobbing uncontrollably.
Date Written: July 25, 2005
Author: The Rid
Average Vote: 4.3