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"Well, that’s a very good question, Son. I’ll try to explain to you. You know that mommy birds lay eggs, and that baby birds come from the eggs, right? Well, that’s pretty close to how it works for people too.... Pretty close except it's completely different. First off, people don't lay eggs. Or else the egg rack in the refrigerator would have to be a lot bigger to hold all those unfertilized fetuses we've grown to love in the morning. Also, those damn Christians would be at everyone’s doors complaining about the smell from fryin all those babies over easy and pig farmers would be outta work ‘cause bacon can't compare to a fried umbilical cords for juicy goodness. Babies do come from eggs; but those eggs grow in mommy’s stomach, making her all fat and unattractive, leading daddy to service himself to pictures from magazines and late night cable movies. But mommy wasn't always fat. Once she looked mighty good and that made daddy want to put that baby in her, which he did. See, without daddy's help you'd just be a blood rag wrapped in toilet paper grossing daddy out when he looks into the trash as he's trying to take his morning piss. But, because mommy wasn't always fat, daddy put his soldier into mommy's garden, and mouth, and a few times even in her poop shoot but for right now let's just concentrate on the garden. When you put seeds in a garden a flower grows and that night, despite daddy’s best effort to pull out, some seeds did get into mommies garden and fortunately, for you, Mommy didn't tell daddy till it was way too late to call the Gardner to pull that fucker out so here we are. I hope I answered your questions."
Date Written: July 28, 2005