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SOME BARNACLES FROM MY JULY NOTEBOOK
Sometimes we need to gift of our inner sanctum.
The “living breeze” that zephyrs across the human landscape turns eddies in the sands of our emotions.
We are but a developing poem. (see above)
It’s so true the she-tapestry is a mosaic of the seasons.
When my goslings departed I felt a hollow tugging that only a mother can know.
We are a sisterhood who inhale all that is dirty and foul in the world and exhale beautiful little burritos of life through our vaginas.
It’s acceptable to have a loving vagina and it’s healthy to be large, even very large.
Honesty comes from knowing yourself as a Gertrude.
Feathers come in all shapes and colors and thicknesses. Without feathers, birds cannot truly take flight.
I will have a candlelight dinner because I desire to have a candlelight dinner.
White men have no more of a right to me than Hispanic men or Black men.
Highlighting my hair does not mean I am submissive or that I have chosen to reinvent my womanhood.
Reinventing her womanhood is shenlightening.
Do the lunar cycles cause Donald to not call me?
Donald’s not calling me is not related to Richard divorcing me.
I am highly understanding of my daughter’s needs and thoroughly responsive to her psychological challenges.
My mother believed that a recipe not followed was a recipe for disaster, but mother wasn’t a very good cook. (Tee hee hee.)
I am my own stellar guide on the journey between harmonic and luminescent.
I can accept that I do not need to travel more if I understand the places in our world from reading and watching about them.
We are only as mortal as our minds.
Date Written: August 01, 2005Comments:
Average Vote: 4.11111
08/3/2005 The Rid: Tough one, author. I want to hate this because I know so many women (or wymyn?) who truly think all this stuff without noting their sheer stupidity. But at the same time, you've channeled that unremarkable, dumpy, New-Agey fat chick so well that I feel you should be rewarded. Will go ponder at the dentist.
08/3/2005 Partytime (4): I am angry at you and your subject.
08/3/2005 qualcomm (3.5): this is a tough one. shows a high level of competence, but i just didn't think it was funny.
08/3/2005 Fear Itself: THIS ISN'T A TOUGH ONE FOR ME. IT'S FUCKING EASY, YOU PUSSIES! F-MINUS, ANUS!
08/3/2005 Klause Muppet: Hey Fear. Calm down guy. Calm down. Just relax.
08/3/2005 Fear Itself: FUCK YOU, KLAUSE, YOU HALF-WITTED LITCUBE WANNABE! YOU ARE THE INTELLECTUAL EQUIVALENT OF A DUMB PERSON, EXCEPT NOT AS HANDSOME! I WILL HAUNT NOT ONLY YOUR NIGHTMARES, BUT YOUR REGULAR DREAMS AS WELL. I WILL EAT YOUR CHILDREN WITH TYSON-LIKE RELISH! I AM THE ONLY THING TO FEAR, YOU JERK! DIE, DIE, DIE!
08/3/2005 Mr. Pony (4.5): You know, I thought this was very funny.
08/3/2005 Mr. Pony: Hey, Fear!
08/3/2005 Fear Itself: HEY, PONY! HOW'S IT GOING? I'LL BEAT UP YOUR FAMILY! I'LL KICK YOUR UNCLES IN THE SHINS AND TWIST YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S ARM UNTIL IT REALLY HURTS THIS TIME, YOU FUCKING SCUM!
08/3/2005 Mr. Pony: I'll dump a cooler of murder all over your head.
08/3/2005 Fear Itself: PERHAPS, BUT ONLY BECAUSE I WILL HAVE JUST WON THE SUPRERBOWL... OF GRUSOME VIOLENCE TOWARD YOUR LOVED ONES! YOU POORLY SUPPLIED DOODLER, YOU SAD EXCUSE FOR A DRAFTSPERSON!
08/3/2005 Jon Matza (4.5): I only wish my daughter could express herself this beautifully.
08/3/2005 Kenji X (3.5): "Burritos of life" makes this for me. As does "cooler of murder." These well turned phrases give me a "boner that breaks windows."
08/3/2005 Will Disney (4.5): Jon, do you mean as beautifully as this Short or as beautifully as Fear Itself?
08/3/2005 Litcube (4.5): I thougt this was actually pretty funny. Original. "I will have a candlelight dinner because I desire to have a candlelight dinner," was totally chawsome! These barnacles are very nice, and I like them.
08/3/2005 Jon Matza: 'sney: as the narrator of the short.
08/3/2005 Bill W.: I agree with qc, though I'll vote lower.
08/3/2005 Dick Vomit (4): Mint guest short. "shenlightening." "even very large"
08/3/2005 Mr. Pony: I only wish Matza had a daughter.
08/3/2005 The Rid (3): What qc and Bill W. said.
08/3/2005 Dylan Danko (5): Is this Partytime?
08/3/2005 Mr. Pony: If you're right, you stand make a lot of sweet credits. Everyone over at BetVite thinks its someone else.
08/3/2005 Jon Matza: I figured P-time wrote this too. If only Betvite was open to everyone!
08/3/2005 Mr. Pony: What are you talking about? You're practically running that Spider-Man bet.
08/3/2005 Jon Matza: Yes but you took all the bets vote and I did not have fun because I was unable to play?
08/3/2005 TheBuyer: Ya Pony, this terrible things are from you're.
08/3/2005 anonymous: Author was distressed at lack of guest shorts and wrote this in five minutes, thus making it a true acme short. Author is further distressed that author's five minute effort is superior to author's lengthy efforts. Author believes this exemplifies the retreat-proven truism "Don't try to be, just be". Everybody now,"DON"T TRY TO BE, JUST BE".
08/3/2005 TheBuyer: O ya, this is totally my bid to get back on the front page you betvite hermits. Go get jobs! Jobs!
08/4/2005 Dylan Danko: Good job there , Partytime. There's some really good stuff in here. Maybe I'll even honor your effort with a phone call.
08/4/2005 Partytime: Dylan, it's obvious you want to tag along with me now that I'm hip. That's cool. Mutually beneficial. I'll get you past Friday night club lines and you confound--with legal Gandolfry and practiced irritated obfuscations--the all those litiginous bastards breathing down my sack.
08/4/2005 scoop: Hey Partytime, don't get too distressed fella becasue this isn't that funny.
08/4/2005 Dylan Danko: Scoop has a very large vagina.
08/4/2005 Mr. Pony: Perhaps, but you must admit that he keeps it well-lit and broom-clean.
08/4/2005 Partytime: Scoop
You so don't get VIP status at Casino Blau's famous Bistrot 3.14 this Saturday. You'll just have to lurk the slots while we do DOUBLE FIRE SHOTS OF 151.