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"That's it, nice and slow. Take it all the way deep like that, oh Allah, yes." Jesus, these Iraqi women could give head. Get the hejab off them and there were vacuum cleaners implanted between their puffy Koran-reciting lips. Liberation of the freedom loving Iraqi people, indeed loving to swallow this guy's free-spurting load, that is. Years ago when the CIA approached me, I thought they had finally caught up with me for those minor snuff films I had been involved with in '86. Well, they knew, but they weren't overly concerned. Why hire a lowest-bid contractor when we can get the real thing from The Man himself, they asked. Who was I to argue? Like Red Adair, the famed firefighter said years ago, "You think a professional is expensive, try hiring an amateur." We shared a laugh, the CIA and I. Next thing I know I'm embedded in some Arab princess' asshole, balls-deep while my tongue explores the virginal flower of some ululating Shiite straddling the other's back. Guess that's one less virging for the martyr's brigade. And the whole thing is being captured on high quality DV. I edit with Final Cut Pro, on a G5, so the quality is what it is, but the turn-around time from casting to finished product is what sells. I take requests from the marketplace, can name my own price. Sowing the seeds of democracy takes time. A long, hard slog Rumsfeld said. You don't know the half of it, brother.

Date Written: August 07, 2005
Author: Kenji X
Average Vote: 3.375

08/10/2005 The Rid: Interesting. Music's on too loud, so I'll re-read later.
08/10/2005 qualcomm (3):
08/10/2005 The Rid (3): It's funny, but there's a real sense of deja vu here. I'm also not a big fan of "topical" humor. But like I said, it's funny.
08/10/2005 TheBuyer (4):
08/10/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs: beh! it comes!
08/10/2005 Partytime (3.5): Your own...personal..jihad...
08/10/2005 anonymous: Fucking The Rid, just because you can't read a goddamned newspaper doesn't mean you have to shit all over a "topical" short. You fuck. I appreciate your non-committal, middle of the road three star-rating, but spare me from your elitism about how you're too cool to be aware of current events. Sorry I won't be meeting you and your beatnik, poetry-slamming hip-hoppers to pass the hash pipe at the Klub tonight. You menengitis-laden bastard. Where were you when the queue was empty three days ago? Huh? Sick in some hospital somewhere?
08/10/2005 anonymous: I love you, The Rid.
08/10/2005 Kenji X (4.5): The fuck was that all about? This is great.
08/10/2005 The Rid: Wow, author. Let me see if I can explain: Your short is funny, but the fucking bits have been done before on Acmeshorts, and the topicality means nothing, because it just serves as an engine for the fucking. Is that better? You cumslut!
08/10/2005 TheBuyer: holy shit, wake up.
08/10/2005 Will Disney: i don't get these low ratings. i like it just fine...
08/10/2005 The Rid: So vote, already, Disney!
08/10/2005 anonymous: I am satiated, don't aggravate your wound, The Rid. We are all brothers.
08/10/2005 Partytime: That's it Disney. You seriously want us to give this thing five stars during a fucking war?!! And, it's bad enought that islamic women are ill-treated by their own boorish menfolk, but I draw the line on occupiers treating women like gloryhole fodder. Maybe you should consider drawing a line or two yourself. Shape up.
08/10/2005 qualcomm: partytime, i want to speak to kenji x. kenji x? are you in there?
08/10/2005 TheBuyer: Partytime, why do hate freedom so much? Only in a free society can there exist legal made-to-order porn. This war is about freedom and if freedom means nothing else it means hired sex on video. There's no indication that these women are treated any more poorly than the porno stars [or amatures!] of the civilized world, nor is there a suggestion that they're not enjoying sucking the scalded daylights out of whatever cock they happened to be cast with at any given time. Your helplessly priggish attitude towards the role of pornography in war-time is short sighted and un-American.
08/10/2005 anonymous: What fuck was that all about? This is great.
08/10/2005 Partytime: True, priggish and unAmerican though it may be, I hate freedom. But I hate freedom because free people are waste. The only good use for waste is as fertilizer. People are not fertilizer Buyer. And I refuse to treat them as such.
08/10/2005 TheBuyer: Okay, put on bootie, I want to know what she thinks.
08/10/2005 anonymous: Hello, this is partytime, I have something to say. Fuck you.
08/11/2005 TheBuyer: I call bullshit.