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Brian locked the door to his office and wandered over to the window; he had to pee very, very badly. He wasn't going to pee out of the window, his office was high above the city on the 21st floor and the windows in tall buildings don't open. He couldn't go to the Men's room because he never got over the habit of dropping his pants all the way to the floor, pulling up his shirt and sticking his tummy into the urinal like a little boy when he peed. He also never got over eating raw pancake mix but he wasn't particularly worried about anyone seeing him eat raw pancake mix, the peeing was different. The peeing could ruin him. Brian shuffled from foot to foot, he squatted and tugged at his groin, he moaned and beat his thigh but nothing would make the pee retreat back to where it came from. The pee was very demanding when it wanted to come out into the world. The pee wanted Brian to pull his pants and underwear all the way down and pull his shirt up and stick his tummy out and pee it out; the pee was not going away. The pee won. His pee always won. Brian looked at the big wet spot on the carpet and wished he could fire the pee, but he knew a very important fact - pee can't be fired.
Date Written: August 09, 2005Comments:
Average Vote: 4.33333
08/11/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs: This situation would seem to call for a potted plant.
08/11/2005 Will Disney: yay - new content!
08/11/2005 TheBuyer: Author, way to use the word "pee" in every sentence!
08/11/2005 Mr. Pony: This is a very important story. I will read it to my son one day.
08/11/2005 qualcomm (4):
08/11/2005 Mr. Pony (4.5):
08/11/2005 The Rid: Interesting. No author short today so you guys actually have to slum it, eh, authors?
08/11/2005 The Rid (4): You know, pee can't be fired. Some flaws - like, why couldn't Brian use one of the toilets instead of the urinals? - but funny nonetheless.
08/11/2005 Mr. Pony: Ridder, I'm pretty sure qualcomm and I are both very good about reading, commenting, and voting on guest shorts with a great deal of consistency. I think you're being unfair.
08/11/2005 The Rid: Pony, perhaps I spoke too soon.
08/11/2005 Mr. Pony: Yes. You are very very mean! Let's hope you didn't scare all the other authors away with your antics.
08/11/2005 anonymous: In regards to peeing in the stall:
The bottom of men's-room stalls don't go all the way to the floor. If a person is standing at a toilet with his pants around his ankles it's going to look pretty strange to the person taking a dump next door. Therefore - too risky.
08/11/2005 The Rid: He could sit. It would look like he's taking a dump. 'Course, then he might feel like a big girl.
08/11/2005 Mr. Pony: Good job, Rid. You have made all the authors too ashamed to comment or vote. Even Phony Millions has retreated to his cave. You have destroyed Acme!
08/11/2005 TheBuyer: I wonder if McSweeneys is hiring.
08/11/2005 Mr. Joshua: Mr. Coffee Rip-Off
08/11/2005 anonymous: Which one? Which short I mean, not which mr. coffee.
08/11/2005 Mr. Pony: The one where he has to go to the bathroom? I don't know; the tone is so very different. Brian and the Molecule do some very similar moves, but so do we all when we have to make restsolids or restwater.
08/11/2005 Mr. Joshua: Was joking, author.
08/11/2005 anonymous: Ok!
08/11/2005 The Rid: Yay! I finally destroyed Acme!
08/11/2005 Will Disney: HIYEEE
08/11/2005 Litcube: Hieeee!!
08/11/2005 Kenji X (4.5): Pee CAN be fired, but you have to show proper cause in justifying the termination, and be certain your documentation is the correct order, complete with a TPS cover sheet.
08/17/2005 Litcube (4.5):
05/3/2010 Marvin_Bernstein (4.5): brilliant, simply brilliant darling...I relate to pancakes, I relate to the love of a full bladder and the tension and ebb and flow