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Tom and me, we were watching porn together. It was a MMF threesome and the model had just finished receiving a rousing double penetration, vocally announcing how she loved cock in her ass and pussy at the same time. Had she used the word simultaneously, that would have placed her outside her station and ruined the semi-erection I was sporting in my gym shorts. The men moved on to a new position, sliding both their penises into her now open and accepting vagina. The model squealed with uncomfortable delight as a close-up revealed a gaping mouth littered with fillings. “Dude, those guys are fags,” Tom said. “Why?” I asked, the porn gave no indication that the men were anything other than casual acquaintances within the porn industry who were playing a priest and his acolyte who went from receiving confession to giving protein-enriched absolution. “Dude, I would never let another dude touch my cock, that makes you fag.” “Oh yeah? Well what if I was gay, huh? We’ve been friends for years and all you talk about is fag-this, fag-that. What if I was a full-blown, sausage sucking, man meat-craving, tongue kissing, reacharound raving butt pirate from the word go? And what if I really liked you and wanted to kiss you, just give you a kiss, just one? Are you too much of a coward to deny your best friend one kiss? I mean for Christ’s sake, Tom, do you base your friendship with me on my genitals or on my soul — on who I really am?” Tom thought hard about that, I could see him chewnig something I wasn’t aware he was chewing before. “Yeah, I guess I’d let you kiss me,” he said, "But only one kiss. No touching." “You big fag.”

Date Written: August 14, 2005
Author: Kenji X
Average Vote: 2.9

08/17/2005 Kenji X: Dude, that guy is fag.
08/17/2005 Will Disney: Please tell us some more about the movie they were watching.
08/17/2005 Dylan Danko (3): I don't know, I kind of like the trap Tom falls into. Not very well written but I chuckled a little bit.
08/17/2005 TheBuyer: Look, we're all girls in the dark, I don't see what the big deal is.
08/17/2005 anonymous: Thank you, Dylan Danko. TheBuyer, Bon Jovi once said, "A hole is a hole." Chew on that.
08/17/2005 TheBuyer (3.5): I like it better without the last line and don't know what a "chewnig" is [you racist] but other than that, it's okay. Darn okay, in fact.
08/17/2005 The Rid (2.5): I like graf 4, but this is a fairly standard joke given fairly standard treatment.
08/17/2005 Mr. Pony (2.5): I'm with the Rid. Maybe if paragraph six had come off as more tender, or maybe more believable, this would have worked on me better; but this joke is a pretty big hurdle to get over. ("Bill!" "Ted!" [hug] "FAG!")
08/17/2005 The Rid: Where's Poop in all this?
08/17/2005 anonymous: Seriously considered breaking from tradition and having them engage in some man-on-man at the end. But the traveling Vaudvillian in me stuck with the tried and true payoff.
08/17/2005 The Rid: That explains it; I hate Vaudeville.
08/17/2005 Poop (3): Poop!
08/17/2005 Mr. Pony: Hey, Rid, that's the second time you've successfully summoned Poop! What sort of hold do you have over him? Do you have potentially damaging information about his sexual life? Or his password, maybe?
08/17/2005 The Rid: I don't have any power over him, or know his password, Pony. I think we're just kindred spirits. Like Loggins & Messina or Tony Orlando and Dawn.