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If a saw one more shitty egg/cucumber sandwich on anemic bread with the crusts cut off I would have ran naked through a rice paddy and inpregnated the farmer's daughter. I'm serious. Let me tell you exactly when and where the trip became fun for me...
The Nagoya Club Hotel spa.
When I saw first-hand that I had the biggest penis in a room fulla Japs.
It was quite the experience. A bit of modesty on my part, I must admit that Gilberto the Cockquistador is of average size. You know what I mean, not too big, not too small. Juuust right. In other words, Goldilocks would love my cock.
Standing in front of the hotel spa's doors, question #1 farted into my mind.
"Hmmm...why are there, TWO doors, instead of one? Men's? Womens? Am I at the right spa? Where's the hot tub?"
Once inside, I followed the retard-proof instructions on the wall.
Hold 4x4 terry cloth rag in front of exposed manhood, Done.
So I walked through the door that was inside the first door. The new room was lined with stools, two large, square, tiled bathtubs sat in the middle.
So here was where all the Japanese businessmen hid! As I looked around (by accident, I swear) I caught glimpse of what appeared to be a little light switch with black hair covering the plate. Ok, zoom out, "Aahh! There's a pissed-off Jap on the other end of that micro-cock!"
He said something...what the hell it was I have no clue. He spoke like Astro, that dog from the Jetsons.
Every other man in that room was frowning just like that guy, and understandably so; they were all the disgruntled owners of the first cocks I have ever seen that failed to portrude past pubic hair.
A grin took control of my face...down went the towel that OFFICIALLY hid the biggest dick in the room. I swelled with pride. What a true embassador of the American male I was! To this day when somebody asks me how I liked visiting Japan, I tell them,
"Loved it. Had the biggest cock a room fulla Japs had ever seen."
Date Written: August 19, 2005Comments:
Average Vote: 2.8
08/29/2005 Will Disney: another true story? welcome to AcmeShorts, Guest Author!
08/29/2005 Mr. Pony: I like that it ends there; a complete thought.
08/29/2005 Litcube: The whole idea here isn't so awesome, I believe. But there's a few awesome or almost awesome lines. Want me to tell you which lines I think might be awesome?
08/29/2005 Mr. Pony: What lines would those be? The awesome, one, I mean.
08/29/2005 Litcube: In order of least awesome to most awesome:
"question #1 farted into my mind."
"He spoke like Astro, that dog from the Jetsons."
"In other words, Goldilocks would love my cock."
08/29/2005 The Rid (1.5): Sloppy. I mean, check your fucking work, for Christ's sake. Long for such a telegraphed, one-note joke.
08/29/2005 Mr. Pony: I dunno. I wasn't so crazy about the specific lines, but I think there might be something at least mildly awesome in the overall thing. This may not even be intentional, but the way the narrator really walks you through the story; the way he's really savoring everything that happened, like it was the greatest moment of his life. Something kinda funny about that.
08/29/2005 Litcube: The Rid, if someone said that to you, how would you feel? Rather, which of the following responses would you choose:
a) Fuck you. [explenation/excuse].
b) [explenation/excuse], you cunt.
c) [explenation/excuse], dick.
08/29/2005 qualcomm (3): depite the sloppy writing, i kind of enjoyed this, particularly, "There's a pissed-off Jap on the other end of that micro-cock!" also, a joke that explicitly announces itself early in a short isn't "telegraphed," fella. first-timer three.
08/29/2005 Litcube: Maybe, Pony. I just don't feel that the authir pulled any of that off, the idea that he's really savouring telling this story… at least that's not what I got from first read. I almost agree with The Rid, here. This motif played out in the first couple paragraphs. Nothing else thereafter really adds to it (I think).
08/29/2005 The Rid: Fine. It's not telegraphed. It's explicity stated. Didn't make it anymore interesting. And Litcube, I'd go with (b) or (c).
08/29/2005 Litcube (3):
08/29/2005 Mr. Pony (3.5): I tend to agree, and Disney's first comment is staying with me. Maybe this is a true story and it is the author who is relishing his memory of the details! Ha ha! Welcome to Acme, author!!
08/29/2005 Will Disney: Yes, this does seem very personal.
08/29/2005 Klause Muppet (3): Although the whole thing felt like an un-ironed shirt, I enjoyed the narrators "chosen" tone. Now if this story took place in Canada...
08/29/2005 The Rid: Oh, Klause, I heard he definitely has a larger penis than most Canadians.
08/30/2005 itasta090: you talkin about my cock, Rid?
08/30/2005 The Rid: In reality, no.
08/30/2005 itasta090: Oh. Good. I though for a second you were a pervert.
08/30/2005 Klause Muppet: Hi itasta090!
08/30/2005 Litcube: Hi Klause!
08/30/2005 Mr. Pony: Hi, Foonch!
08/31/2005 Klause Muppet: Hieeee Litcube! Missed you at the Spot tonight, eh.
09/1/2005 Litcube: Yes you did. I ate dinner with your girlfriend. Then, in the morning, we went to the pool in Mission together.
09/10/2005 Klause Muppet: At the same time?