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Zach de la Rocha was getting butt-raped in a Mexican prison. "Yo, this is an unapproved Bombtrack!" he yelled. A guard shouted, "De la Rocha, usted tiene un visitante." Tom Morello walked in as the butt-raper finished. "I guess our communication skills are just fine when you're getting butt-raped in a Mexican prison, huh?" Zach sniffed and wiped some snot from his nose. "No," he said, pulling up his pants with a wince. "If you'd answered your phone when I called yesterday, none of this would have happened." The cell door opened and he walked out. Morello shrugged, "Seems like a small price to pay for lyrics like 'Yeah I'm rollin' down Rodeo wit a shotgun/These people ain't seen a brown skin man/Since their grandparents bought one.'" "But they haven't" said Zach. Morello shook his head. "íProtector!" he yelled. The guard came in, pushed Zach into the cell and slammed the door. "Damn it, Tom!" yelled Zach. He grabbed the bars and shouted through them. "You're gonna catch a bullet in the head!" As Morello rounded the corner, Chris Cornell poked his head through the outer door. "Good luck, Zach," he said. "Fuck you, girly-voice," said Zach as some meaty hands grabbed his shoulders.

Date Written: August 30, 2005
Author: The Rid
Average Vote: 3.33333

Comments:
09/9/2005 Partytime (2): This short is not stoopid.
09/9/2005 Will Disney: wait - there's some subtext here. why is the one guy angry at the other one?
09/9/2005 anonymous: Disney, the subtext is as follows: Following the demise of Rage Against the Machine, Zach de la Rocha said some very nasty things about his former bandmates, particularly Tom Morello. The guys who formed Audioslave, including Morello, have remained relatively mum on their relationship with de la Rocha. But a friend of mine who went to college with Morello and still keeps in touch with him says Morello often found Zach "naively misinformed." Whether that's true or not, I have no idea. But I thought it would be nice for Zach to get his just desserts and get no help from his former friend. And I chose that lyric from Rage's "Down Rodeo," because it always seemed really, really stupid.
09/9/2005 The Rid (4): It's no secret that I dislike Zach de la Rocha. Well done, author.
09/9/2005 qualcomm (2): this guy's too easy a target, and the short doesn't really expand the "satire" to any deeper level than it gets to in the first sentence.
09/9/2005 Jawbreaker (4.5): I liked the Rage references. Made it to be a pretty good short. This deserves higher than a 2!
09/9/2005 qualcomm: please don't make me kill you
09/9/2005 Jawbreaker: Cheer up QC!
09/9/2005 Mr. Pony: Seems a little weird writing a short full of in-jokes about your friend's band, wouldn't you say?
09/9/2005 anonymous: None of my friends are in Audioslave or Rage Against the Machine. I can't even verify that "naively misinformed" is a real quote. Doesn't qualcomm have a thing about careful reading? It's a friend of a friend of a friend, etc.
09/9/2005 Mr. Pony: Fair enough. I just don't think it's cool when people bring up their friends' obscure bands and talk about them like everyone should know who they are, you know?
09/9/2005 Shane (5): {grin}
09/9/2005 TheBuyer (1.5): Hi, I'm TheBuyer.
09/10/2005 itasta090 (3): I agree with Pony. As an "uninformed" reader, I got absolutely nothing from this short. As soon as became "informed", I still got nothing from this short. Author, I hope your "famous" friends appreciate you wasting our time. Here are one more set of quotation marks to "bring" the count to four. 3 stars for fun with languages.
09/10/2005 The Rid: iatsta090, Pony may be "uniformed," but he's not an idiot. You may notice that he sort of has a policy on not voting on things he claims he doesn't get.
09/10/2005 itasta090: What do I care if he's "uniformed"? I know plenty of idiots in uniform. Thanks for updating about postings etiquette. I'm still new at this, hee hee!
09/11/2005 The Rid: Ah, well done. You pointed out my typo. How clever.
09/11/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs (3.5): Flowed well, though I didn't understand jack.
09/12/2005 qualcomm: this is shit, rid. you suck.
09/12/2005 The Rid: Wow. Fuck you, too, asshole.
09/12/2005 qualcomm: the rid, mr. joshua was logged in to my account last night. now, don't you feel ashamed?
09/12/2005 The Rid: Not really. As much as I like to think that even you wouldn't write something like that, it apparently crossed my mind. What does your brother have against me, anyway?
09/12/2005 Litcube: In "Fuck you, too, asshole" would there be only one comma after "too"? Would there be no comma? Buyer, listen up.
09/12/2005 qualcomm: there should be two commas after "too"
09/12/2005 TheBuyer: whom
09/12/2005 TheBuyer: sorry, I meant "wham", not "whom",,.
09/12/2005 Mr. Joshua (5): Rid: I wasn't anywhere near qc's computer all weekend. He was probably drunk and belligerent again last night, and then overcome by paroxysms of regret this morning when he realized what he had done.
09/12/2005 Ferucio P. Chhretan (3.5): I enjoyed picturing that shreeching ranting MTV generation manipulative bastard taking one in the tradesman's entrance....in a Mexican prison. Thank you.
09/12/2005 itasta090: Actually, you spelled my screen name wrong, too. As long as we're pointing out type-os.
09/12/2005 The Rid: Oh, that one was on purpose.