home authors guest shorts graphical shorts
"That," said Henry, "is the biggest dick I've ever seen."
Naked, Henry sat on his seventeenth floor balcony. He was looking at his penis through a magnifying glass. "Just...just look how fucking huge it is. It's enormous." The soles of his feet tingled. His penis twitched, then stiffened, becoming erect unassisted, like a time-lapsed vine arching toward the sky. "Yeah," he continued, louder, as his erection filled out. "I can't believe what a giant this thing is! It's a fucking log!" His breathing deepened, then sharpened.
Leaning back slightly, Henry drew the magnifying glass a few inches closer to his face. His penis appeared to double in size. "Oh damn, goddamn!" he shouted. "Don't tell me that's not a fucking monster! You can't deny that it's the most giant massive hulking cock in the fucking world! It's so big; it's so big; it's so fucking big!" His heart raced as his scrotum tightened around his testicles. His face flushed. "Oh--oh--ooooh--fucking huge--OOHH...NNGH...!"
The clouds parted, bathing Henry in a warm glow. The sun's rays focused though the magnifying glass to a dazzling pinpoint, setting Henry's pubic hair ablaze in a cloud of crackling fire.
His mouth hanging open and his scalp drained of blood, he stood up sharply and took a step, flipping face-first over the railing. Henry came all the way down, leaving long beads of ejaculate on the windows of the twelfth, fifth, and third floor apartments.
Date Written: August 30, 2005Comments:
Author: Mr. Pony
Average Vote: 4.1875
08/31/2005 Whom: it's good... but i can't be bothered to vote on it!
08/31/2005 qualcomm: yeah, me either
08/31/2005 Will Disney: Author, I like it. One question: why did Henry go over the edge exactly at the end there? Was he just freaked out from having his pubes on fire?
08/31/2005 qualcomm: also, can the pattern of ejaculate on the 12th, 5th, and 3rd floors be attributed to a longer pause between the first and second cumshot than between the second and third, henry's acceleration, or a combination of the two?
08/31/2005 qualcomm: eliza: "That," said Henry, "is the biggest dick I've ever seen."
08/31/2005 Eliza (): Who?
08/31/2005 Whom: eliza: hello
08/31/2005 Eliza (): Hello, there.
08/31/2005 itasta090: I enjoyed the beginning...but not too sure about poor Henry's fate.
08/31/2005 Mr. Pony: Did he die?
08/31/2005 Will Disney: fresh content!
08/31/2005 scoop (4): I'd like to think that he cartoonishly bounced off from the trampoline of an awning below and sommersaulted back to his apartment getting smacked in the head by his jizz suspened in the sky above, like spit on a roller coaster.
08/31/2005 Klause Muppet (4): "Oh damn, goddamn!" he shouted. "Don't tell me that's not a fucking monster!...
08/31/2005 The Lacuna: Behold! The Lacuna!
08/31/2005 The Lacuna: Eliza: Behold! The Lacuna!
08/31/2005 Eliza (): Are you talking to me because you're afraid of addressing your real feelings?
08/31/2005 The Lacuna: Lacuna!
08/31/2005 Jon Matza (4.5): ball peen premise, augh-thr
08/31/2005 scoop: The Lacuna is the stupidest guest ever. You don't know what you're talking about. All your ideas are ripoffs. Your aesthtic inner life is barren. You are a jerk who likes all the worng Russian authors. Screw you. Your the reason acme's dying. Thanks, ass hole.
08/31/2005 The Lacuna: From whence comes that shadow creeping across Acme's lustrous surface? A passing zeppelin? An eclipse? Only one man knows the true answer...
08/31/2005 scoop: What are you even talking about the The Lucana? I mean where did you go to school? Someone's ass? Your descriptions are execrable. Your voice is hack-kneed. Your political philsophy rests on flimsy assumptions. You listen to all the wrong FYC songs. I mean come on!
08/31/2005 The Lacuna: It's a muggy day in this lousy city of ours, scoop. Why not doff the fedora, kick off the Hush Puppies, and turn on that black metal fan? Relax. Sleep! Rest in the cooling embrace of... The Lacuna!
08/31/2005 The Vectorial: Enter... The Vectorial!
08/31/2005 The Rid: Any use of the "NNNNGGGGGHHHH" makes me laugh. Therefore I have to calm down and see if the rest of this is as funny as I think it is, or if that "NNGH" is carrying me from the midway to the end point.
08/31/2005 scoop: Make sure to update your blog, The Rid. I can't wait to find out which one it is.
08/31/2005 The Rid: Sure, scoop. FU!
08/31/2005 Mr. Pony (4): This ending is very sad, dudes.
08/31/2005 The Rid (4):
08/31/2005 Jawbreaker (4.5): Nice one fella!
08/31/2005 Ewan Snow (4): Pretty good short all around though it could've used some tightening up... of its asshole!
09/12/2005 Ferucio P. Chhretan (4): Atsa noice penis y'got there.
09/12/2005 Klause Muppet: Ferucio P. Chhretan why don't you submit anymore? Or are you just somebodies alias? Why GOD WHY!?
06/22/2006 TheBuyer (4.5): how did i miss this?