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Irina was a supermodel from the Ukraine. The face of an angel, with just a hint of fuck-me cheekbones. Her body resembled that of Kate Moss on a fish and water diet. Emaciated. Rail-thin. A skinny bitch. And yes, a smoker.
Such a heavy smoker that her raspy, dry esophagus was no use when it came to eating. She just couldn't produce enough saliva. The only things keeping Irina alive were MetRX Meal Replacement Suppositories.
Every night, Irina's dedicated boyfriend, Hoarst, pushed two of the bullet-shaped capsules into her starving ass.
Today, Irina is the unappreciative smoky tart she always was. Hoarst is single, with the memory of a grown woman farting on his neck haunting his dreams.
Date Written: August 31, 2005Comments:
Average Vote: 3.625
09/12/2005 Klause Muppet: Fuck-me-cheekbones? Pretty wizard!
09/12/2005 The Rid: Wouldn't the lack of saliva have more to do with bad salivary glands than a crappy esophagus? I didn't go to med school or anything, so someone help.
09/12/2005 Will Disney: Excuse my stupidity here, butcan someone please explain that last sentence. This is an oral sex thing? Related to the vitamins?
09/12/2005 Mr. Pony: butcan
09/12/2005 The Rid: "Butcan."
09/12/2005 The Rid: Ah, crap.
09/12/2005 itasta090: The fart was the reflex of a worn-out sphincter, rejecting the day's nourishment.
09/12/2005 Mr. Pony (4.5): Could be that the author is mixing up the esophagus and trachea, and also having some confusion about how the salivary glands work, but in a world with meal-replacement suppositories, I'd say all bets are off. The neck-farting thing is vague and weird, but fits. One can imagine this Irina monster doing all sorts of horrible, insane, anal retentive/expulsive things with her butcan. Also, Hoarst. While not outrageously hilarious or anything, I feel the need to award this a technical four point five.
09/12/2005 Klause Muppet: When he was inserting the capsules into her ass, I'm assuming she let one go (once or twice) which was pretty disturbing for Hoarst.
09/12/2005 TheBuyer: butcan
09/12/2005 Jon Matza: Sure, Yucatan
09/12/2005 Litcube (4): Butcan. Congratulations, autheor. This is the first time in a while where I've read a short and had no idea why I was laughing. For example, "farting on his neck".... WWHAT!?
09/12/2005 The Rid (2):
09/12/2005 Klause Muppet (4): Points for the name of the short! Dylan Danko loves Kate Moss!
09/13/2005 Dylan Danko: IN THE ASS!!!!
09/13/2005 itasta090: A..Rid? Were those two stars revenge for the three I gave you the other day?
09/13/2005 The Rid: No, itasta090, I didn't think this short was very good, and the whole wrong anatomy thing left me cold, so I gave it two stars. No revenge voting here.
09/13/2005 The Rid: And, if you look, there's no way your three, at the time you voted, could have knocked the average of my short down.
09/14/2005 Klause Muppet: Revenge voting? Who does that? Anywho, what's wrong with 3 stars?? That's a nice vote. That 3 stars.
09/14/2005 The Rid: Klause, if you look at Acme's past, you'll see revenge voting - or at least claims of revenge voting. itasta090's question to me is either goofy or naively misguided (note proper spelling of "itasta090"), as I don't revenge vote, unless you count me five-starring my own short the other day after Reverso's vote. And I don't have a problem with a three star vote. I was suggesting that if one doesn't "get" the short, that one takes the high road and offers no vote, like Pony has done, and Matza, etc.
09/14/2005 Klause Muppet: Hey guy!
09/14/2005 The Rid: Hey, guy!
09/15/2005 itasta090: Your wisdom has enriched our lives and left smiles on our faces...and a boner in my pants.