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What’s the deal with stand up comedy? Seriously, and, like, airplanes too? You ever notice those nuts they give you. Or jet fuel. You ever just want to go sick on that fuel truck on the tarmac and just huff that shit? And then people say how God is their copilot. And I’m always like, there is no god. Or I’m like Aphrodite is my stewardess. Or Hermaphrodite is my flight attendant. And hang gliders seem risky. I wonder if the guy who invented it had already seen all that old footage of failed flying machines, and if that freaked him out. Like Young Sherlock Homes, except the real ones that didn’t work. You ever notice gravity? Falling down is funny, like on a banana peel. Ever notice that? It’s like “whoops, I no longer have my feet beneath me and now, for this brief moment while I am falling, my entire being is controlled by the simple universal force of gravity, which is causing me to soon be smashed against the earth. And as each part hits, like a knee, then an elbow, then a hip, then a skull, getting smashed at an accelerating rate, you’re like, “Ouch! Ah! Ouch! Ah!” Then you’re spread out all broken on the ground and everybody who saw it is laughing their asses off. They’re like, “gravity just kicked your ass, buddy!” Magnetism is another force. There’s also the strong force and the weak force that have to do with atoms, but I haven’t any jokes concerning them.
Date Written: August 31, 2005
Author: Ewan Snow
Average Vote: 4.41667