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My big brother knocked on the door. I knew I was in for a pounding. I wouldn't say I was shaking like a leaf, because I don't know what that's like. I grew up in the city, post-apocalyptic style, so I was shaking like a jonesing hooker, or like Old Mr. Broderick's flaccid penis in the moonlight. (He was a flasher-cum-town crier.)
In a moment of inspiration, I stripped down to nothing just before my brother busted through. I knew he hated homos, so I figured he'd be hesitant to rough me up in the nude.
And I put on my Minnesota Vikings football helmet for protection, which is a good thing, because he entered wearing shoulder pads and a cross-state rival helmet from the pussy Chicago Bears.
"The Chicano Bears, bitch!" I yelled. And I suddenly realized how insensitive I had been, seeing as his Latina girlfriend had just dumped his sorry ass.
I reached to turn down the blaring Luis Miguel, but it was too late...
Date Written: September 01, 2005Comments:
Average Vote: 2.4
09/13/2005 The Rid: This is okay. Some good ideas that don't add up to much, but it's interesting.
09/13/2005 qualcomm (1): pure, uncut butcan
09/13/2005 Dylan Danko: why was it too late?
09/13/2005 The Rid (2): I think this is better than a 1. Points off for the flasher joke. Bad.
09/13/2005 TheBuyer: butcan.
09/13/2005 Will Disney (4):
09/13/2005 Will Disney: this one is enjoyable enough. what's with the low votes?
09/13/2005 Klause Muppet (3): Not laugh out loud funny, but an interesting story. If my brother was a naked helmet-wearing homo listening to Miguel...
09/13/2005 The Rid: Dinsey's giving a good vote to a bad short: Must be Turgid. What is he, your brother or something?
09/13/2005 Mr. Pony: So why was this kid's brother wearing football gear? That is confusing to me!
09/13/2005 Klause Muppet: Would you touch your gay brother with normal clothes on?
09/13/2005 anonymous: Because he's ready to throw down.
09/13/2005 Dick Vomit (2): no.
09/13/2005 Dick Vomit: Eliza: I miss Craig Lewis.
09/13/2005 Eliza (): Where has he been?
09/13/2005 Dick Vomit: Eliza: Lying to you to get in your pants.
09/13/2005 Eliza (): I'm going to murder you.
09/13/2005 Dick Vomit: Eliza: Lewis will kill you before you get to me.
09/13/2005 Eliza (): DISNEY!!!
09/14/2005 qualcomm: by the way, turgid, i had no idea this was yours till disney gave it four stars. honest.
09/14/2005 Jon Matza: That interesting...because I, Matza, knew immediately!
09/14/2005 anonymous: Disney votes highly on Turgid shorts. He ignores many other guest shorts. Is Turgid Texxx?
09/14/2005 anonymous: Rid, Disney comments on guest shorts more than most authors do. why do you *really* think Turgid is Texxx?
09/14/2005 The Rid: I don't think Turgid is Texxx. They write pretty differently. What?
09/14/2005 anonymous: You don't think that, Rid? Really?
09/14/2005 Turgid: The Minnesota Vikings hold a historical edge of 47-39-2 over the Chicago Bears.