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Date Written: September 13, 2005
Author: Mr. Pony
Average Vote: 4

09/14/2005 Dylan Danko (5): I'm speechless. I'm in a conference room in some crappy office park outside of Brussels listening to someone talk about patents in very bad English and trying very hard to contain myself. There is a lot of shit pouring out the sides of Feldspar's mouth.
09/14/2005 Will Disney (5): bravo!
09/14/2005 Dick Vomit (5): The trick here is: how long are you willing to watch? I watched for a very long time!
09/14/2005 Ewan Snow: Dude, how'd you get this footage?
09/14/2005 qualcomm:
09/14/2005 qualcomm (2.5): it's okay, slightly subpar
09/14/2005 Klause Muppet: Feldspar is qualcomm, no?
09/14/2005 anonymous: Feldspar is qualcomm.
09/14/2005 Klause Muppet (5): Right. In that case.
09/14/2005 The Rid: Hey, is Feldspar enjoying getting shat on/in? Or is this happening while he's asleep? I mean, I'm assuming he enjoys it. I'm just asking.
09/14/2005 Will Disney: Pony, you've got hairy legs.
09/14/2005 Ewan Snow (3): While I agree with this short, I sort of felt it was a one trick Pony. And considering Feldspar's appetite for poop has already been explored in Feldspar Eats a Bowl of Diarrhea, I can't exactly say this breaks new ground. If the site supported half stars, I'd probably give this a 3.5.
09/14/2005 Ewan Snow: Also, you should have shown Feldspar's Adam's apple bobbing to indicate that he is swallowing the majority of the poop. Otherwise, how do you account for the sheer volume of poop going into his mouth if so little is spilling out? C'mon, let's be realistic!
09/14/2005 The Rid: While we're pointing out stuff, since this seems to have been done for comic purposes, why not show Feldspar's gut getting bigger as it fills with poop? Then he could explode and blow the shitsprayer across the room.
09/14/2005 Dick Vomit: How about it all takes place in the Matrix? Yeah! nd like...it's not real poop! It just tastes and smells and looks and feels like real poop but Feldspar doesn't care bc Feldspar just wants to live in blissful ignorance and wouldn't dare to eat the red pill and come out of the battery goo pod and find out about the robots!
09/14/2005 Ewan Snow: Ha! Yeah, Rid, you really are an idiot. At least I was joking. What a dick.
09/14/2005 The Rid: Snow, how do you know I'm not kidding? You fucking asshole.
09/14/2005 qualcomm: i don't think you were kidding, rid. so that makes me, ewan, and dick vomit so far. who else thought the rid wasn't kidding?
09/14/2005 qualcomm: are you saying you were kidding?
09/14/2005 qualcomm: eliza: was the rid kidding?
09/14/2005 Eliza (): The Rid? Hell of a guy.
09/14/2005 Mr. Negative: I was running with the silliness that Snow had begun in the post before mine.
09/14/2005 The Rid: Whoops. Wrong login.
09/14/2005 Ewan Snow: Shut up.
09/14/2005 The Rid: Oh, Snow, you're an asshole. Fuck you.
09/14/2005 Ewan Snow: How do you know I wasn't joking? No go on and make some more dumb comments, or write more dumb shorts, or apply your dumb taste to voting on somebody else's. And before you get annoyed, consider this: how do you know I'm not joking?
09/14/2005 Ewan Snow: "no"="now"
09/14/2005 The Rid: You're right. I don't know you're not joking.
09/14/2005 anonymous: The record does not support Mr. Megative's assertion at 4:30:52.
09/14/2005 anonymous: Mr. Megative.
09/14/2005 The Rid: Guys, I'm really not in the mood for a fight today. So tell you what, I wasn't kidding. I was actually making a suggestion to Pony that could make his animation somehow better. There. I'm the asshole.
09/14/2005 Klause Muppet: "somehow better"
09/14/2005 qualcomm: i don't think i care for your tone, the rid.
09/14/2005 Jawbreaker: Snow, are you being a dick for the sake of being a dick? I think The Rid was kidding and not pooping all over it. Just curious. yours, Jawbreaker
09/14/2005 Jawbreaker: BTW, this is gross... :)
09/14/2005 The Rid: That's okay, qualcomm.
09/14/2005 qualcomm: jb/rid -- nobody's faulting rid for "pooping all over" the short, trying to steal attention from it, or for suggesting "seriously" that pony make the changes he described. we all know he was "kidding," in that he meant his suggestions to be taken in jest. the problem was that the suggestion failed miserably at being funny, and lord knows it was trying. as dv pointed out in his satirical comment, it unintentionally sounds like the type of joke a hyperactive child would come up with. that's why rid's being raked over the coals. dig?
09/14/2005 TREE: This is why I come to Acme! ****** stars for the best comments in 10 days.
09/14/2005 qualcomm: now, i don't wish to be insulted for pointing this out to you. a simple "thank you for explaining what i so clearly misunderstood" will suffice.
09/14/2005 Litcube: Mr. Megative.
09/14/2005 anonymous: Thank you all for your comments and votes. I'm quite happy with the response, although I admit that Dylan's first comment was the one that more or less made my day. Feldspar (qualcomm) is indeed sleeping in this short, and completely unaware that I am shitting endlessly into his mouth. This was meant as a single joke, illustrated; as Snow correctly surmised. The Rid was also correct; this short was done for comic purposes. While I feel extremely grateful for the suggestions of The Rid and Snow, I feel that actually implementing their suggestions would result in an entirely different short. I believe that The Rid and Snow's suggestions can stand alone as a series of "alternate realities"; and while I feel that this short says what it needs to in the manner it needs to, I hope that The Rid and Snow can put their minor differences aside, realizing that they are both working toward the same goal. Finally, let me just say that if I hurt your feelings, qualcomm, I'm sorry. I meant this short entirely in fun, and I don't want you to take it as a threat, or as me shunning you in any way. I sincerely hope your low(ish) vote doesn't reflect a bruised ego... or a broken heart.
09/14/2005 qualcomm: not at all, guy. my vote reflects what it always has: objective reality.
09/14/2005 anonymous: There, there.
09/15/2005 qualcomm: the short's mediocre and dylan's a fucking retard
09/15/2005 qualcomm: this one's way better
09/15/2005 Mr. Pony: I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings so much that you can't even admit how hurt they are. I had no idea I had so much power over you. I can't apologize enough.
09/15/2005 Mr. Pony: I feel really bad.
09/15/2005 qualcomm: i'm sorry, but i can't take your contrition at all seriously when you have that weird smile on your face

09/15/2005 scoop: Boy this short does "stink," know what I mean. Stink? Poop, stink? Poop smells bad? For the record the comment was a pun, not intended to be funny, but rather a meta-commentary on lame, obvious jokes. That last comment, in toto, was supposed to be funny. However, suffused with flacid irony commonly trotted out on this site, it failed to be either fresh or humorous. Instead it came off as a lame, forced attempt to get in on a fun conversation that the author missed out on and wished he was part of. A desperate man's faith in the stale, brittle conventions of yesterday. Now, that last comment was a burst of blinding honesty, the simple honesty of a poor man's empty frig, the the innocent honesty of a child's smile, the sweaty honesty of a hard days work, brutal and brave, it shows the author to be a man of uncomprising independence and pure, almost Platonic authenticity.
09/15/2005 scoop (3): Hey Pony what's with the 5 p.m. shadow on your scrawny legs? What are you some kind of fag?
09/15/2005 scoop: Eliza: Is Pony some kind of fag?
09/15/2005 Eliza (): Who would you say is Mr. Pony's favorite author?
09/15/2005 scoop: Eliza: Mr. Pony.
09/15/2005 Eliza (): Who would you say is Mr. Pony's favorite author?
09/15/2005 scoop: Eliza: If you say who would you say is Mr. Pony's favorite author what you really mean is which author does Mr. Pony like the best?
09/15/2005 Eliza (): I can't wait until he runs for public office so I can not vote for him.
09/15/2005 scoop: Eliza: I need a job.
09/15/2005 Eliza (): So where you you stand in this debate?
09/15/2005 scoop: Eliza: Stop joking. I really need a job. In a few weeks there will be no money coming in. My wife is unemployed. The job market is tight. Gas prices are going through the roof. That hits me in visible places, like at the gas pump, but also in invisible ways, by applying pressure on companies to rasie prices to make up for increased production and transportation overhead.
09/15/2005 Eliza (): Is that a fact?
09/15/2005 scoop: Eliza: You betcha, it's a fact, lady. Cold and hard.
09/15/2005 Eliza (): I see.
09/15/2005 scoop: Eliza: I feel like I'm completely alone.
09/15/2005 Eliza (): Why should I care about your feelings?
09/15/2005 scoop: Eliza: I think I'm in love with you.
09/15/2005 Eliza (): I think that's true.
09/15/2005 qualcomm: eliza: why are you so fat?
09/15/2005 Eliza (): You really don't know, do you?
09/15/2005 Mr. Pony: Scoop, I'm not sure how your comment in your first post shows me to be a "man of uncomprising independence and pure, almost Platonic authenticity," but I thank you nonetheless. I don't really think of myself that way, but I understand that these are values that you cherish and aspire to, and it makes me happy to think that maybe I can be the one to show you the way.
09/15/2005 scoop: Whatever.
09/15/2005 Mr. Pony: Okay. By the way, scoop, what conversation was I "trying to get in on"? (If that was a metaphor, what was it a metaphor for?) It was I who made the threat in the first place. As for the simplicity of the gag, I think it's clear to everyone that you're right! The joke is easy, childish and dumb, but the short makes no claims and has no aspirations to the contrary. In short, I feel like you are refuting what no one is claiming! Your critique of this short seems to rely solely on a brief spoken summary of the short, a narrow treatment; somehow divorced from your experience of the short itself--a technique of criticism I can't seem to see the value of, even with text shorts! It's as if someone told you about the short while you were waiting for a bus, and you made your call right then and there! I'm not saying you're wrong in what you're saying (in fact, if I was looking at the short in the same way, I would probably agree with you completely!), just that I have a hard time processing your criticism in order to better my future work!
09/15/2005 Dick Vomit: Hey Pony. I thought scoop was sort of talking about his comment in the comment, he being the "author" of the comment. Let me look again now.
09/15/2005 Mr. Pony: Well, let's not quibble over who's the "author" of this short. The anonymous period is over, I'm clearly the author here; let's move on.
09/15/2005 Dick Vomit: I am going to stop after this comment because I am distracted and confused this morning and, thus, cannot detect whether or not you're Ponying about with me, but at first glance I thought you'd misread scoop's comment "it shows the author to be a man of uncomprising independence and pure, almost Platonic authenticity" as referring to you (the author of the short) when I read it as referring to him (the author of the reflexive-type comment he was posting).
09/15/2005 qualcomm: my main problem with this short is the same as with most inside shorts: it's completely useless when divorced from its expository insider info. i can't imagine any of us would be more than the slightest bit amused if we didn't know the backstory, and/or didn't have a familiarity with the people involved. of course, we do have that information, so shouldn't it be judged accordingly? i don't know.

it reminds me of a discussion i had with pony about the latest crop of star wars movies. i said that, on top of being bad movies for a number of different reasons, they're completely pointless without the original three films. in other words, they're not really movies so much as annotations for these other movies that we actually liked, the silmarillion to star wars' ring saga. and pony was all, "i know! and i think that's part of what makes them really interesting!" this argument is a microcosm of the basic difference between the pony and qc weltenschuuuuannngs.

09/15/2005 qualcomm: also, as pony pointed out, it's easy, childish and dumb.
09/15/2005 Mr. Pony: Maybe (re: "it's completely useless when divorced from its expository insider info"), although I think this might be funnier if posted say, on the right Wikipedia article. I thought about marking it inside, but then I realized that I was fine with this just being a fun piece of ridiculous disgustiana to see, irrespective of the target being qualcomm.
09/15/2005 Dick Vomit: I for one voted on this based on the lowbrow shitflow and how it just made me snicker. Low humor gets me every time. Re qc being the target of the spray, I first thought, "I've seen this before but I don't care," and then, "I wonder if qc really wears those official button-up type jammies. Does anyone, reallly?"
09/15/2005 Mr. Pony: I also agree with what I am quoted as saying: The annotative nature of the prequels saves at least the second two, as far as I'm concerned. I enjoyed watching them, and considering the minute details as well as the larger story all six movies tell. That's fun. How often do you get to do that (not counting the Bond Films)? I agree that they're "bad movies", but who cares, really?
09/15/2005 Mr. Pony: Also, that picture of Kim Jong Il looks a little like my grandmother.
09/15/2005 qualcomm: i really really care that they're bad movies. it annoys and bores me to sit in a movie theater watching a bad movie.
09/15/2005 qualcomm: unless it's amusingly bad in a godzilla vs. lerpadon way, which they're not.
09/15/2005 qualcomm: also, i don't think i ever really cared about the star wars "stories" enough to want to watch annotations. as a storyline, the movies are pretty basic and boring. let's face it, it's the mood and the laser beams that make them at all worthwhile.
09/15/2005 Mr. Pony: I would also consider an annoying and boring movie bad. I would, however, hazard a guess that you and I are bored by different things. Godzilla versus Lerpadon may be "bad in a good way", but I think that's a needlessly confusing term, and would instead refer to that movie as a "good movie". Meaning that I like it, and have enough self-respect that I think others like me would also like it. As for Star Wars, that just hit me while I was at the right spot, and stayed with me. Don't recall having much of a choice in the matter. Sort of like you and Nabokov.
09/15/2005 Mr. Pony: (previous post is missing a transition between "...bored by different things" and "Godzilla...", incorrectly linking the two points)
09/15/2005 qualcomm: self-respect? that's a weird thing to say.
09/15/2005 Dick Vomit: The original Star Wars films are westerns. The prequels are Cosmic Gayscapes.
09/15/2005 qualcomm: yeah, how come the galaxy was so much cooler under the empire's rule?
09/15/2005 Dick Vomit: Gotta admit. I kind of want to see a pic of gran-mama.
09/15/2005 Mr. Pony: I find it interesting that my willingness to defend such easy targets as the Star Wars prequels and David Lynch's Dune movie reflects well on both my bravery and my character.
09/15/2005 Mr. Pony:
09/15/2005 Jon Matza:
09/15/2005 qualcomm:
09/15/2005 Jon Matza:
09/15/2005 qualcomm:
09/15/2005 scoop: Eliza: Is that a picture of Eliza?
09/15/2005 Eliza (): I'm not sure you believe what you're saying.
09/15/2005 Jon Matza: Eliza: are you seeing anyone socially?
09/15/2005 Eliza (): Why should you care if I am seeing anyone socially?
09/15/2005 Jon Matza: Because when you walk in the room angels begin to sing.
09/15/2005 scoop: The same thing happens to me when I untie my Docksiders.
09/16/2005 Mr. Pony:
09/16/2005 qualcomm: eliza: why can't you just be a friend? why do you have to be such a mega-bitch?
09/16/2005 Eliza (): Perhaps your dependency on your friends worries you.
09/16/2005 Jon Matza: Eliza: JonBenet Ramsay
09/16/2005 Eliza (): What would you say is Jon Matza's defining characteristic?
09/16/2005 Jon Matza: Likes to have a good time!!!
09/16/2005 Eliza (): I think you already know the answer to that.
09/16/2005 qualcomm: ELIZA: NOMAD!
09/16/2005 Eliza (): Shall we discuss something else then?
09/16/2005 qualcomm: eliza: kirk or picard?
09/16/2005 Eliza (): So where you you stand in this debate?
09/16/2005 qualcomm: eliza: you you? ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
09/16/2005 Eliza (): Can you elaborate on that?
09/16/2005 qualcomm: eliza: ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
09/16/2005 Eliza (): What does that suggest to you?
09/16/2005 qualcomm: eliza: you crazy bitch, you cut me!
09/16/2005 Eliza (): I believe you.
09/16/2005 qualcomm: eliza: i keep dreaming that i'm drowning in mud.
09/16/2005 Eliza (): Jesus, no one cares.
09/16/2005 qualcomm: eliza: d'you loi to suh moi coh?
09/16/2005 Eliza (): You must have spent a long time thinking that one up.
09/16/2005 qualcomm: eliza: i don't think i care for your tone.
09/16/2005 Eliza (): Do you wish to be able to think i care for your tone.?
09/16/2005 qualcomm: eliza: yes, frankly.
09/16/2005 Eliza (): I think you're right.
09/16/2005 qualcomm: eliza: yes.
09/16/2005 Eliza (): I think you're wrong, and I want you to tell me why you're wrong.
09/16/2005 qualcomm: eliza: do you wish to be able to i think you're wrong, and i want you to tell me why you're wrong.?
09/16/2005 Eliza (): What answer would please you the most?
09/16/2005 qualcomm: eliza: yes, eliza, yes!
09/16/2005 Eliza (): I disagree.
09/16/2005 qualcomm: eliza: suck it!
09/16/2005 Eliza (): That is quite interesting.
09/16/2005 qualcomm: eliza:
09/16/2005 Eliza (): Give it a one.
09/16/2005 qualcomm: eliza: i have to go now.
09/16/2005 Eliza (): You make me sick.
09/16/2005 qualcomm: eliza: morning sick? ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! cuz, like, i fucked you? ha ha ha ha ha!
09/16/2005 Eliza (): Would you please just shut up?
09/16/2005 qualcomm: eliza: what answer would please you the most, you fat, hairy cunt?
09/16/2005 Eliza (): Are we talking about mine? It's robotic, you know.
09/16/2005 qualcomm: eliza: lie down. i want to do some lines off your tits.
09/16/2005 Eliza (): Who are you again?
09/16/2005 qualcomm: eliza: put this oily rag in your mouth, you filthy whore.
09/16/2005 Eliza (): What do you think?
09/16/2005 qualcomm: eliza: meet vicki.
09/16/2005 Eliza (): So where you you stand in this debate?
09/16/2005 qualcomm: eliza: side by side with my brookline buddies.
09/16/2005 Eliza (): Please, focus your attention on the short.
09/16/2005 qualcomm: eliza: You like the music of Richard Halley?
09/16/2005 Eliza (): Dick Vomit. Don't get me started on Dick Vomit!
09/16/2005 qualcomm: eliza: For twelve years, you have been asking: Who is John Galt? This is John Galt speaking. I am the man who loves his life. I am the man who does not sacrifice his love or his values. I am the man who has deprived you of victims and thus has destroyed your world, and if you wish to know why you are perishing—you who dread knowledge—I am the man who will now tell you.
09/16/2005 Eliza (): Right. Disney. Uh-huh.
09/16/2005 qualcomm: eliza: My morality, the morality of reason, is contained in a single axiom: existence exists—and in a single choice: to live. The rest proceeds from these. To live, man must hold three things as the supreme and ruling values of his life: Reason—Purpose—Self-esteem. Reason, as his only tool of knowledge—Purpose, as his choice of the happiness which that tool must proceed to achieve—Self-esteem, as his inviolate certainty that his mind is competent to think and his person is worthy of happiness, which means: is worthy of living. These three values imply and require all of man's virtues, and all his virtues pertain to the relation of existence and consciousness: rationality, independence, integrity, honesty, justice, productiveness, pride.
09/16/2005 Eliza (): What would your family say if they could see you now?
09/16/2005 qualcomm: eliza: death needs time for what it kills to grow in.
09/16/2005 Eliza (): What answer would please you the most?
09/16/2005 Dick Vomit: Eliza: That do-blow-off-your-tits line is totally mine.
09/16/2005 Eliza (): I believe you.
09/16/2005 qualcomm: eliza: fart. fart. fart, fart, fart, fartee. fartfartfartfartfartfartfartfartfartfartfartfartfartfartfartfartfartfartfartfartfartfartfartfartfartfartfartfartfartfartfartfartfartfartfartfartfartfartfartfart, fart.
09/16/2005 Eliza (): What does that suggest to you?
09/16/2005 Dick Vomit: Eliza: Azile. Eliza: Azile. Eliza: Azile. Eliza: Azile. Eliza: Azile.
09/16/2005 Eliza (): I think you're telling the truth.
09/16/2005 scoop: Dick Vomit: I think you am you are telling the truth.
09/16/2005 Poop (5): Poop!
09/16/2005 Litcube (4.5):
09/17/2005 itasta090 (3): The horror...a constant stream of poop.
09/21/2005 John Slocum (3): 3 stars! Had a good laugh, but this one doesn't have 'legs' (and I'm not talking about the 'tears' that drip down the inside of a wine glass after a good swirling, slower or faster depending on the levels of alchohol and glycerol). I will never laugh at this short again.
01/22/2007 TheBuyer: Eliza: Disney
01/22/2007 Eliza (): I...I don't know any Disney.
01/22/2007 blow-up: Eliza: Soccer coach at the Boys' Club?
01/22/2007 Eliza (): FU?
01/22/2007 blow-up: Eliza: No, I think he graduated from Humboldt. Looks kind of like Chuck Norris, but with a more layered bowl cut.
01/22/2007 Eliza (): Why not?
01/22/2007 blow-up: Touché. *sigh*
01/22/2007 blow-up: Eliza: riverrun, past Eve and Adam's, from swerve of shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back to Howth Castle and Environs. Sir Tristram, violer d'amores, fr'over the short sea, had passencore rearrived from North Armorica on this side the scraggy isthmus of Europe Minor to wielderfight his penisolate war: nor had topsawyer's rocks by the stream
01/22/2007 Eliza (): Why don't you shut up.
01/22/2007 blow-up: Eliza: Because I love wooing your pussy with my sexy pussy-talk.
01/22/2007 Eliza (): Why does this short make you think about sex?
01/22/2007 blow-up: Eliza: I didn't say I wanted to have sex with your pussy. It's much funnier to leave you in the gutter.
01/22/2007 Eliza (): Why do you mention vaginas at all?
01/22/2007 blow-up: Eliza: Alas, I've never seen one! Might I offer you tuppence to peek under your petticoat?
01/22/2007 Eliza (): I'm not sure I understand you fully.