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There is a retarded Mexican working next door. I can hear his mentally deranged Hispanic grumblings all the way over here. ...later... I went over there to gawk at him as he tarded around the neighbors' property. He was like a lower form of animal. Given a stimulus, he would perform an action. Same stimulus; same action. I was able to discern this crude pattern after a short period of observation over the fence. His brain appeared child-like and malleable, and he was eager to please. He possessed no guile, in fact, I judged him to be incapable of it. I slowly came to realize that with the proper stimuli, he could be manipulated into practically any deed, much as an ant can be coerced with the erection of artificial barriers. After consulting with my children's nanny, I inveigled myself into the retard's good favor with a Corona and a slice of lime. One "Safeway" Brand frozen burrito later, I had him squatting in my parlor, eagerly pounding down turds from my asshole as fast as my digestion could create them. I let loose with a bout of trumpeting flatulence, and turned to face him. His shit-smeared visage gazed up at me, ingenuous eyes wide and dull. A couple cryptic syllables tumbled from his mentally challenged lips, and a tear rolled down his cheek. I couldn't comprehend the emotion exuding from that crippled brain, but I chose to believe that it was joy.

Date Written: October 26, 2005
Author: Streifenbeuteldachs
Average Vote:

10/27/2005 Will Disney: hmmmm. did the rid do something to you? is this revenge?
10/27/2005 anonymous: Hi Disney! I'm not real familiar with the Mexican Rid thing. Those shorts occurred during a sparse period in my Acme-self relations. This one is based on a true story. Well, somewhat.
10/27/2005 Klause Muppet: Dude, you shit in some retards face? For real? And don't pass it off by repeating the "Well, somewhat" line.
10/27/2005 TheBuyer: While I admire the pure offense, and this is truly one of the most vile things I've ever read, I also hate it for the same reason. No vote.
10/27/2005 anonymous: Really? Vile?
10/28/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs (5): Fuck it, no one votes on shorts anymore.
10/29/2005 qualcomm: i thought i was doing you a favor by not voting on this crap
10/29/2005 qualcomm: (no offense!)
10/29/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs: You thought wrong!