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Edward’s mail-order bride wasn’t quite living up to expectations.
“Honey, honey, I really wish I felt like you were listening to me when I’m telling you how my day at work was. I mean, it’s important to me.”
Svetlana began to pout.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” said Edward, patting her on the head. “I know I should be happy with all the blowjobs. With all the wonderful, long, and extremely sensuous blowjobs. But when I picked you out from the line-up, I knew I’d be getting great blowjobs. I was also kinda hoping that you’d like me for me.”
Date Written: December 17, 2005Comments:
Author: Will Disney
Average Vote: 3.625
12/20/2005 Will Disney (5): Bravo, author!
12/20/2005 qualcomm (0.5): if i gave this what it truly deserves (somewhere in the 2-3 range), i'm sure certain misguided individuals would come in with the 4.5-5's to correct for my morally unassailable vote. therefore, i am preemptively correcting for their corrections.
12/20/2005 anonymous: god i hate you qualcomm.
12/20/2005 Mr. Pony (3): Well, qualcomm's wrong and unfair so far, folks. Who else will help me prove him wrong and unfair?
12/21/2005 Litcube (3):
12/21/2005 Dylan Danko (3): QC's acting cunty which means things may be looking up for acme. Oh, and this short was ok.
12/21/2005 Will Disney: yeah i really hate qualcomm!
12/21/2005 Dylan Danko: Am i seeing you for my sins on Friday, Disney?
12/21/2005 Will Disney: Yes!
12/21/2005 TheBuyer (4): fo
12/21/2005 TheBuyer: 99 word count, for starters. Also, I didn't like this right off which is usually an fairly good indication that I'm wrong. I like Disney shorts for their leftover lasagna quality of getting better as time goes on.
12/22/2005 qualcomm: yeah, what a piece of junk this is
12/22/2005 Will Disney: i hate you qualcomm. SO MUCH!
12/22/2005 Mr. Joshua (5): Disney, I've decided to give you 5 stars because whenever qualcomm calls me on my cell phone, and I don't answer, he refuses to leave a voicemail. As if a busy real estate professional like myself should just drop everything because QUALCOMM IS CALLING, QUALCOMM IS CALLING!
12/22/2005 Will Disney: He did the same thing to me the other day!
12/22/2005 Mr. Joshua: Maybe we should give a select few of his shorts one star to send him a message. Are you going to L'ville this year?
12/22/2005 Will Disney: Who do you think I am - TREE? Although I do encourage everyone to lowball qualcomm's shorts. Can't go to the derby this year, sadly. I'm going to be in the NYC area in March for a week ro two though - maybe we can go to the track.
12/22/2005 Mr. Joshua: OK, come the weekend of March 18. We've got The Cicada and The Gotham that Saturday. And stop being so PW'ed and get yer ass to Louisville.
12/22/2005 Klause Muppet (4.5): A brilliant piece of shit!
12/22/2005 Will Disney: hey, qualcomm, i hate your guts!
12/22/2005 qualcomm: guess i've been vindicated. look at all those highballs. wow.
12/22/2005 Will Disney: qc, i hate you!
12/22/2005 qualcomm: that only proves my point, dummy
12/22/2005 Will Disney: if your point is that i hate you, then yes, your point is proven! i hate you!
12/22/2005 Ewan Snow: ha!
12/23/2005 qualcomm: look, all's i'm saying is this short is no good. i don't see why it makes you so angry to have written a 1/2-star short. it's no big deal. you're just not very good at this.
12/23/2005 Will Disney: that's not why i hate you, qualcomm. i hate you because of who you are!
12/23/2005 qualcomm: whom
12/23/2005 Will Disney: yes i hate you because of whom you are! the point is: i hate you!
12/23/2005 qualcomm: not as much as i hate this short
12/23/2005 Will Disney: maybe not. but i hate you!
12/23/2005 qualcomm: yeah, but not 1/2-star hatred, like my hatred for this awful, awful short
12/23/2005 Will Disney: well you may be right. as long as we're clear here.
12/23/2005 qualcomm: clear how bad this short is. yes.
12/23/2005 Will Disney: hey qc I hate you!
12/24/2005 qualcomm: not as much this short hates the qualities associated with goodness
12/24/2005 Will Disney: qualcomm, i hate you.
12/24/2005 qualcomm: yeah but the short though
12/24/2005 Will Disney: hey qualcomm
12/24/2005 Will Disney: i hate you
12/24/2005 qualcomm: no but
12/24/2005 Will Disney: hate
12/25/2005 TertiaryWinesAreTheOnlyWinesForMe (5): Hello Everyone! I just discovered this site tonight...some of the stuff is pretty racy, but hey, I'm no fan of the PC Police! I think Disney is probably the best author (it seems like there's a competition going on here), so I figured I'd give him my first vote! I think all the other authors are pretty good, too! I'll try and write a short in the next day or so! I hope you guys like it!
12/25/2005 Will Disney: Thanks, TWATOWFM!
12/26/2005 qualcomm: man, what a stinker
12/27/2005 Everything Is Relative Hey Look At That Squirrel (5):
12/27/2005 Will Disney: i hate you qualcomm.
12/28/2005 Why Are 9 Out Of 10 Girls Giant Slamhogs Questionm (5): Hola!
12/28/2005 Why Are 9 Out Of 10 Girls Giant Slamhogs Questionm (5): Why the F didn't my vote take?
12/29/2005 scoop (0.5): It looks like qc was right after all!
12/29/2005 Will Disney: i hate you, qualcomm.
12/29/2005 Sudoku: It would look like that if your tongue didn't smell like Yarlsburg, Scoop.
12/29/2005 scoop: A doye, duhh, thptfffff, duh, duh, doye, guh, guh, guh, dar, thpptff, dar, doye, Sudoku.
01/1/2006 qualcomm: i resolve that this short sucks.