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Jeffrey was. Sipping noisily at his cold, bitter drink, the aging accountant dropped yet another stack of papers—crammed with figures and deficits—onto his already crowded desk. Jeffrey was raised in a house with a white picket fence by a bitter father and a shallow mother. He was pressured to succeed in his bitter father’s old high school and to go on to lead a better, more financially successful life than his bitter father had. Despite Jeffrey’s childish creativity and unique, albeit erroneous, way of examining the world around him, the positive influences of the public school system and his bitter father shaped him into a decent young adult. Although his unorthodox thinking caused him to do poorly at the onset of his high school career, he eventually learned what kind of responses he was expected to give for specific questions, and his performance improved. He graduated with near-perfect grades, just like all his classmates, and as his bitter father had before him. After he had determined just what it was he was supposed to think, he had entered his bitter father’s old university and succeeded there also, just as his bitter father had done. Although it took some threatening and convincing, Jeffrey eventually agreed to become an accountant, like his bitter father. Now that he was working for his bitter father’s old accounting firm, Jeffrey was leading a better and more financially successful life than his bitter father had. Despite the smallness of his cubicle (and his salary), Jeffrey felt that he had succeeded in life because he had always said what he was told to say, thought what he was meant to think, and did what he was supposed to do. He was a real success story. That night, Jeffrey went home to his house and its white picket fence, his shallow wife, and his starry-eyed child and took his bitter father’s loaded pistol from its hiding place in the nightstand drawer. It was the first decision in his life. Jeffrey was no more.

Date Written: January 04, 2006
Author: kidduffah
Average Vote: 2

01/9/2006 Will Disney: guest author, i want to welcome you to acmeshorts. i will be reading this new short just a bit later this afternoon and providing profoundly important commentary, as i'm sure one or two other acme "regulars" will as well!
01/9/2006 Litcube (3): Hey, dude. This is quite a statement you're making. Guest 3. Goncratulations for finding Acmeshorts.
01/9/2006 qualcomm: geoffrey, author. geoffrey. i think this baby's pretty trite. i shall refrain from voting on it, seeing as you're new.
01/9/2006 TheBuyer: I'm scared
01/9/2006 Litcube: Also, Jeffery.
01/10/2006 scoop: Actually the key conceit of this exploration of a finance man's mid-life ennuiathon is fundementally flawed. One could argue, if one were so inclined, to say that in a determinist universe the "choice" to commit suicide was in fact no choice at all, rather the logical effect of an infinite series of inexorable causes. This Jeffrey fellow had about as much choice in his death as he did in his birth. His end was goverend by laws as immutable as those governing the force and speed of the bullet leaving the chamber of this antique gun he put to his head. So the joke is on you Jeffrey!
01/10/2006 qualcomm: what was geoffrey's last name?
01/10/2006 kidduffah: His last name was 'Bryan-Shawn'.
01/10/2006 Litcube: Jeffery Brian-Shaun. That's a pretty normal name for a man of finance. Well done, author.
01/16/2006 Klause Muppet: Jeffery? Brian? Shaun? Hmmmmm.....
01/30/2006 TertiaryWinesAreTheOnlyWinesForMe: Hey QC, you forgot to mention that it's also a "Perfect Day for Bananafish" rip-off.
01/30/2006 kidduffah: As the author, I must point out that I've never heard of "Perfect Day for Bananafish". *jumps up and down*
01/30/2006 qualcomm: this is slightly better than that
01/31/2006 TertiaryWinesAreTheOnlyWinesForMe: Shame, author, shame. And you too, qc, you misanthropic sociopath.
01/31/2006 Dylan Danko: Not as good as "I am the Cheese"
01/31/2006 qualcomm: i'm not a sociopath, asshole, i'm a psychopath. learn the fucking difference.
01/31/2006 Dylan Danko: Which one would do kegel exercises in order to gain better control over his ejaculate?
01/31/2006 qualcomm: i didn't do kegel exercises, asshole, i took volume-enhancing pills and they didn't work. learn the fucking difference.
01/31/2006 Dylan Danko: I was talking about that gay ass tertiary guy.
01/31/2006 TertiaryWinesAreTheOnlyWinesForMe: Actually, qc, I find that the kegels improve load size, as well.
01/31/2006 Dylan Danko: Tertiary, how are you at auto-fellatio?
02/2/2006 TertiaryWinesAreTheOnlyWinesForMe: Can't......quite......reach
02/2/2006 scoop: Oh yeah I forgot to vote on this thing.
02/2/2006 scoop (1):