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I woke up this morning and my penis was gone. It didn't really bother me that much. I've lost it before. I tried to think. So I gave Valarie a call first. It rang a long time and then finally she said a dull hello. Did I leave it there? She looked around. She didn't think so. Wait a minute. She checked one more place. Nope. Click. I called that place with the fresh leaks. Why would I leave my penis there? It could happen, I said. Click. (I thought for sure she would ask me how big it was. She was cute. I'm cute. She just hung up. Bitch.) I went to the park yesterday but I don't think I left it there. I watched the ducks. They always act perturbed. If I could kill them I would. No, I wouldn't leave my penis there. I might have left it at the dentist from a couple days ago. Valarie and I were fucked up. We might not have even gotten to sex. Bless her heart. She knows a lot about art. I don't. I called the dentist and this cute little receptionist answered and giggled. Yep. Right there next to the chair. Could she hold on to it until I came to pick it up? More giggles. No problem. No problem.
Date Written: May 15, 2006