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Here’s the thing about monsters that most people don’t know. Ok actually two things. One is that monsters are vegetarians. But more important for our story is that monsters are more scared of people than people are scared of monsters. For instance during Halloween the monster children would buy people masks to go trick-or-treating. And when a Monster Mommy wanted to scare her monster children into doing their chores she would tell them the bad people would come to get them if they didn’t clean their rooms. The Happy Monster Village was a lot like where you live probably. There was a main street where all the monsters in the village would come to do their monster shopping. There was a barber shop for monster hair cuts and a post office for monster mail and even a toy store for the children monsters who would squeal with delight when the new shipment of toys came in. And yet all was not happy at the monster village. Above the high iron gate that surrounded the Happy Monster Village was a sign placed there by the founders long, long before you or even your parents were born! The sign was in a fancy cursive and it said: “Welcome To The Happy Monster Village -- A Pretty Neat place To Live!” But beneath that nice sign was another one. It was more recent and it wasn’t in fancy cursive. It was in plain, cold print and it seemed much more recent than the nice sign. It was like a sign telling you what to do on the road, like STOP, or ICY ROAD AHEAD. But instead this sign had different kind of warning. It said: NO PEOPLE ALLOWED NO EXCEPTIONS. You’re probably thinking that doesn’t seem very nice. But there was a good reason that the monsters in the village were scared of the people from the neighboring town. For a long time now the people from People Town would appear in the dead of night in the Monster Village with nets, pitchforks and large cages and would kidnap the monsters from their homes. They would hook the cage to a truck and drive them back to town where they would put the monster in a giant Zoo. People would come from all over the world to this particular town and pay lots of money to see the monsters. They would take pictures with their cameras and the flashes would scare the monsters. They would throw food at the monsters and change and other things that were no good for them. So you can imagine if you lived next to a monster village where the monsters would come and try to put you in a people zoo, well you would do everything you could to keep the monsters out. That’s just how it was for the monsters. In the center of town there was a large building that served as the town hall, that’s a place where all the monster citizens of the village come to talk about big decisions like building a well or a road or whether to raise or lower monster taxes. Although there would be lots of arguments between the monsters, the town hall meetings were usually very helpful. They would agree to cooperate with each other to make their village a better place. At today’s meeting Mayor Plumbum told the assembled monster. “We must not lose the fight against the people from People Town! If we don’t act now, more of our friends are going to end up at the Zoo and that will make our village a pretty unneat place to live. We don’t want that do we,” he asked. And to a monster they all agreed, no they didn’t want that. So they came up with a plan. They would all do their part and build a moat, a big circular pool, around the village so no more people could come and take their friends to the Zoo. Mayor Plumbum put it to a vote and every monster raised his hand in support of the moat resolution. Some monsters would draw up the plans. Some monsters would carry buckets of water. Other monsters would dig. And they agreed that at their next meeting they would agree to find a way to rescue all their monster friends from the Zoo in People Town. And they agreed that at their next meeting they would agree to find a way to rescue all their monster friends from the Zoo in People Town. And they agreed that it would involve armed mother fucking resistance. They would make their point with blood and tears. People blood, people tears. Nobody was innocent. Especially the people children. They might be vegetarians, but there were no moral objections in the Monster Magna Carta against wanton, savage butchery for the sake of self-preservation, ya dig?
Date Written: August 26, 2007
Average Vote: 4.25