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Art Film by Rod Drake Marty, the intellect of our otherwise dopey little group, came to us excitedly one day with plans to make an art film. He just needed to raise the money to film it, which is where we came in. Well, an art film appealed to us, so we all contributed, borrowing here and there, selling some stuff, placing some bets, mortgaging this and that until we got the necessary funding. Then Marty shows us the script that he had written. Let me state right here that to us, an art film meant naked girls. Naked girls doing odd things like, um, working at a car wash wearing only rubber boots and gloves or playing croquet unself-consciously. These offbeat things were suppose to be deep and well, “arty,” making the audience, especially critics, believe it was a brilliant comment on modern society or something cerebral like that. But it was really just soft-core porn in disguise. Marty was a grad assistant and had plenty of sweet young things with killer bods in his classes, so we figured he had convinced several of the girls, one way or another, to be his “actresses.” We all planned to be “on set” every single day, holding lights, reflector screens, microphones, any old pretense to be there and watch the girls “act.” But Marty’s film was about boring global warming. Preachy environmental shit. There wasn’t one hot girl in the film and certainly not a naked one. Just endless talking about melting icecaps, oceans rising, blah, blah, blah. We were so pissed that Jake started pounding the crap out of Marty. Then we all joined in. Corey grabbed the camera and filmed the grade A beating we were giving Marty, as the fight moved from Marty’s living room to his kitchen, porch, his back yard and finally into the alley. We decided to put the short film on YouTube (Frankie’s little brother is a whiz at that Internet junk), where “Neighborhood Beating,” with an old MC5 song, “Kick Out the Jams,” as the background track, got a zillion hits its first week posted, making a small fortune. We paid back the loans, bought back most of our stuff and even paid for Marty’s hospital bills. He’s still not talking to us, but hey, at least he learned his lesson about tempting us with films of hot naked girls when he doesn’t mean it.
Date Written: March 25, 2009
Author: Rod Drake
Average Vote: 4