home authors guest shorts graphical shorts
Tom Collins couldn't really be qualified as 'new' anymore. He'd probably been at work about 9 or 10 weeks by now. Even longer if you took into consideration that he started as a temp. His temporary stint was marred by habitual boredom and uneasiness - and not just on his part. His co-workers, well, if you can call permanent employees 'co-workers' in relation to a temporary employee, were also bored and uneasy, for various reasons.
Tom Collins was very uncomfortable when he first started his 'permament' position. Now he would really have to learn everyone's names. And they his. And he was named after a cocktail. And this concerned him a lot. Probably moreso than it would you or I, because no one had actually mocked him at any point in his life. Not even in college, where people drink the Tom Collins on a regular basis. Or so you would think.
On Thursday afternoon, or 'average bagel day' as our Mr. Collins used to joke, a very bad and awkward thing happened. As Tom Collins sat towards the back of the conference room, listening to yet another 'talk' on 'this or that,' he realized, to his utter shock and amazement, that he had somehow managed to 'wet' himself. And this had never happened. Not even during the carefree days of his youth!
Tom Collins knew his only escape would be to stand and move as quickly as possible through the crowd of about 10 or 15 'co-workers,' I mean co-workers (I forgot that he is no longer a temp), until he could exit at the front of the room. And he could only imagine the ridicule that awaited. It was utterly devastating.
Tom Collins mustered all his energy, all his courage, and all his panache. He arose abruptly, in clear sight of many in the room, and began his escape as seamlessly as possible. He was sweating now, and he focused directly on the door ahead.
As he finally reached the door and turned the knob, he gave a sidways glance back at the room, anticipating the looks of disbelief and hilarity on all the faces. But no one was looking at him. In fact, no one had even noticed Tom Collins get up, nor had they followed his path across the room. Nor were they looking at him right now.
Date Written: June 27, 2003
Average Vote: 4